"I like you. You are a good girl."
These words, as flattering as they sound are not a compliment. Instead they are a big red flag. They could indicate that you don't have an identity and are just existing to exist.
First of all, a person who uses the expression "good girl" is not interested in you as a person. Rather they are interested in your role as a female. It's all about what you can do for them and what they can get you to do.
In our society boy and girl describe functions more than they describe a simple attribute of a person: a young male human and a young female human.
In our society, if you are a boy, certain things are expected of you, and if you are a girl, some other things are expected of you.
The good girl tag is not one that indicates respect and admiration. On the contrary it expresses opportunism and condescension.
When people want to commend a man or woman of high character, they usually say, "He or she's a good person". Note: PERSON.
Even "He/she is a good man/woman" is not a compliment. Whoever uses that expression means that you are doing what you are supposed to do as a man and as a woman.
For a man it generally means that he provides. And for a woman it means that she serves and pleases.
So, don't hurt when people tell you that you are not a good girl. Don't hurt either when they tell you that you are a bad girl. They are just criticising your inability or refusal to adhere to societal standards that I personally consider to be nonsensical.
You should be more concerned when people say that you are not a good person. It means that indeed they are questioning your character.
And if it happens that several people tell you that you are not a good person, then it's time to sit down and do a self assessment.
👇🏽
1. Do I hurt people who have not done anything to hurt me?
2. Do I feel remorse when I hurt people, even when they have done something to hurt me?
3. Do I actively take part in social lynching, jungle justice, smear campaigns and unverified rumours?
4. Do I lie regularly to protect myself?
5. Do I regularly lie against friends and family for my personal interests?
6. Have I falsely accused someone of doing something which I knew they didn't do?
7. Do I brag about how good I am at hurting people and getting away with it?
8. Do I apologize when I'm wrong?
9. Do I mean it when I apologize?
10. Are my apologies followed by some form of amendments?
11. Would I do for my friends and family what they do or would do for me?
12. Am I grateful for the love and support that I receive?
13. Do I sometimes put my needs on hold to make other people happy?
14. Am I open to compromises and sacrifices?
15. Am I genuinely happy for the success of other people?
16. Do I contribute to making other people successful, even when the success does not benefit me?
17. Do I give before I receive?
18. Do I give even when I know I may never receive?
19. Am I capable of forgiveness?
20. Do I feel happy when something bad happens to someone I claim to have forgiven?
21. Do I offer help when I see someone going through a difficult situation?
22. Do I offer comfort to someone who is experiencing pain?
23. Am I indifferent to other people's suffering?
24. Do I show concern about what happens around me?
25. Do I feel affected when I see someone being mistreated, bullied and abused?
These are a few questions you can ask yourself to know if you are a good person. Of course, nobody is perfect. But if you miss 10 out of 25, I'd say that it's time to put in more efforts into being a good person.
Note that a "good girl" can actually have none of the qualities and all of the vices listed above, and she'd still be considered a good girl simply because she does what a girl is supposed to do: serve, please and obey.
And when that good girl grows up, she becomes a good woman.
These words, as flattering as they sound are not a compliment. Instead they are a big red flag. They could indicate that you don't have an identity and are just existing to exist.
First of all, a person who uses the expression "good girl" is not interested in you as a person. Rather they are interested in your role as a female. It's all about what you can do for them and what they can get you to do.
In our society boy and girl describe functions more than they describe a simple attribute of a person: a young male human and a young female human.
In our society, if you are a boy, certain things are expected of you, and if you are a girl, some other things are expected of you.
The good girl tag is not one that indicates respect and admiration. On the contrary it expresses opportunism and condescension.
When people want to commend a man or woman of high character, they usually say, "He or she's a good person". Note: PERSON.
Even "He/she is a good man/woman" is not a compliment. Whoever uses that expression means that you are doing what you are supposed to do as a man and as a woman.
For a man it generally means that he provides. And for a woman it means that she serves and pleases.
So, don't hurt when people tell you that you are not a good girl. Don't hurt either when they tell you that you are a bad girl. They are just criticising your inability or refusal to adhere to societal standards that I personally consider to be nonsensical.
You should be more concerned when people say that you are not a good person. It means that indeed they are questioning your character.
And if it happens that several people tell you that you are not a good person, then it's time to sit down and do a self assessment.
👇🏽
1. Do I hurt people who have not done anything to hurt me?
2. Do I feel remorse when I hurt people, even when they have done something to hurt me?
3. Do I actively take part in social lynching, jungle justice, smear campaigns and unverified rumours?
4. Do I lie regularly to protect myself?
5. Do I regularly lie against friends and family for my personal interests?
6. Have I falsely accused someone of doing something which I knew they didn't do?
7. Do I brag about how good I am at hurting people and getting away with it?
8. Do I apologize when I'm wrong?
9. Do I mean it when I apologize?
10. Are my apologies followed by some form of amendments?
11. Would I do for my friends and family what they do or would do for me?
12. Am I grateful for the love and support that I receive?
13. Do I sometimes put my needs on hold to make other people happy?
14. Am I open to compromises and sacrifices?
15. Am I genuinely happy for the success of other people?
16. Do I contribute to making other people successful, even when the success does not benefit me?
17. Do I give before I receive?
18. Do I give even when I know I may never receive?
19. Am I capable of forgiveness?
20. Do I feel happy when something bad happens to someone I claim to have forgiven?
21. Do I offer help when I see someone going through a difficult situation?
22. Do I offer comfort to someone who is experiencing pain?
23. Am I indifferent to other people's suffering?
24. Do I show concern about what happens around me?
25. Do I feel affected when I see someone being mistreated, bullied and abused?
These are a few questions you can ask yourself to know if you are a good person. Of course, nobody is perfect. But if you miss 10 out of 25, I'd say that it's time to put in more efforts into being a good person.
Note that a "good girl" can actually have none of the qualities and all of the vices listed above, and she'd still be considered a good girl simply because she does what a girl is supposed to do: serve, please and obey.
And when that good girl grows up, she becomes a good woman.
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