On August 20th, I came across a post that was shared by Yanen. A man was appealing to the public to resolve a family situation that involved a sixteen year old girl.
His post read (paraphrased): "She beat up her mother and ran away to live with a 26 year old man. We don't want her to get pregnant."
After reading the post, my first opinion was that no child will run away from a comfortable home to go and live elsewhere. A 16 year old girl is not mentally incapacitated. She is a person with a complex mind. I mean, at 16, our teachers expected us to be able to solve "terrevil" mathematical equations. If we were simpletons, I doubt they would have demanded such an arduous task from us.
Then S. informed us that that her mother is a single mother. Well, sorry to hear that, but that's not an excuse to be lacking in your parental role. Perhaps the difficulties associated with single parenthood should make women desist from having children they cannot take care of or raise properly. Even widows are not excused. You know that the country is tough. You know that most times survival prevails over other aspects of your life. Why do you insist on being unprepared, only to start wailing when what was meant to happen, eventually happens?
You don't have the time and means to raise a child, why go on and have one, two, three, four or a football team, only to turn around to start seeking pity because your child turned out to be a menace?
Then S. added that they have tried to counsel her, but that she insists on being with the boy because she wants things that her mother cannot give her.
At this point, I wanted to ask: "When you counselled her, did you speak to her as a person who is capable of understanding, or did you go for the usual approach by Nigerians to treat children like retarded beings?"
Because, let's be honest, Nigerians think that children are stupid and that they cannot understand events, people and surroundings. So, they'd rather spend time telling us what to do and what to think, than engaging us in discussions and conversations.
We have all been victims of this condescension. Luckily for male humans, they will be spared this insult when they reach a certain age. But for us females? We will continue to be treated like dundees until we die.
Then N. hypothesize that she must be having the father complex.
1. You cannot miss what you never had;
2. A 26 year old boyfriend is more like an elder brother, than a father. It'd be more accurate to say that she has the elder sibling complex.
Or perhaps we could just admit that she is horny and that the guy is giving her good sex. *mind explosion* Your 16 year old daughter wants to have sex. Deal with it. Children masturbate, much less a 16 year old - two years from being an adult - person who knows what she has to do to get sexual satisfaction.
Then one last person replied that the girl was probably one of those children sent from hell. And that is where the title of this post originated from.
Unless your child is a psychopath, it is your fault if he or she turns out to be an asshole.
Psychopaths are people who are born without empathy. They are not to be confused with sociopaths or narcissists who are people who lost their ability to empathize due to environmental factors.
Nigerians just have to pick up the courage to admit that we don't make good parents. We don't have the time, skills, knowledge, emotional maturity, mental balance, to raise decent children. We are too screwed up and egotistic. We are too focused on surviving than caring about why our child is sad or upset.
"Mummy/daddy is tired and frustrated from all the nonsense that happens in this country, can't you just be happy like a child should? Why give me extra work?"
Except that, it is not extra work. That's part of your job description as a parent. It is your duty to know what is wrong with your child. It's your duty to solve their problems and to make them happy. If you don't, nobody else will do it for you. And if your child is not one of those people with a strong personality and self awareness, they will end up experimenting with a lot of crap just to be happy.
And that's the truth. Not my truth. But the truth.
His post read (paraphrased): "She beat up her mother and ran away to live with a 26 year old man. We don't want her to get pregnant."
After reading the post, my first opinion was that no child will run away from a comfortable home to go and live elsewhere. A 16 year old girl is not mentally incapacitated. She is a person with a complex mind. I mean, at 16, our teachers expected us to be able to solve "terrevil" mathematical equations. If we were simpletons, I doubt they would have demanded such an arduous task from us.
Then S. informed us that that her mother is a single mother. Well, sorry to hear that, but that's not an excuse to be lacking in your parental role. Perhaps the difficulties associated with single parenthood should make women desist from having children they cannot take care of or raise properly. Even widows are not excused. You know that the country is tough. You know that most times survival prevails over other aspects of your life. Why do you insist on being unprepared, only to start wailing when what was meant to happen, eventually happens?
You don't have the time and means to raise a child, why go on and have one, two, three, four or a football team, only to turn around to start seeking pity because your child turned out to be a menace?
Then S. added that they have tried to counsel her, but that she insists on being with the boy because she wants things that her mother cannot give her.
At this point, I wanted to ask: "When you counselled her, did you speak to her as a person who is capable of understanding, or did you go for the usual approach by Nigerians to treat children like retarded beings?"
Because, let's be honest, Nigerians think that children are stupid and that they cannot understand events, people and surroundings. So, they'd rather spend time telling us what to do and what to think, than engaging us in discussions and conversations.
We have all been victims of this condescension. Luckily for male humans, they will be spared this insult when they reach a certain age. But for us females? We will continue to be treated like dundees until we die.
Then N. hypothesize that she must be having the father complex.
1. You cannot miss what you never had;
2. A 26 year old boyfriend is more like an elder brother, than a father. It'd be more accurate to say that she has the elder sibling complex.
Or perhaps we could just admit that she is horny and that the guy is giving her good sex. *mind explosion* Your 16 year old daughter wants to have sex. Deal with it. Children masturbate, much less a 16 year old - two years from being an adult - person who knows what she has to do to get sexual satisfaction.
Then one last person replied that the girl was probably one of those children sent from hell. And that is where the title of this post originated from.
Unless your child is a psychopath, it is your fault if he or she turns out to be an asshole.
Psychopaths are people who are born without empathy. They are not to be confused with sociopaths or narcissists who are people who lost their ability to empathize due to environmental factors.
Nigerians just have to pick up the courage to admit that we don't make good parents. We don't have the time, skills, knowledge, emotional maturity, mental balance, to raise decent children. We are too screwed up and egotistic. We are too focused on surviving than caring about why our child is sad or upset.
"Mummy/daddy is tired and frustrated from all the nonsense that happens in this country, can't you just be happy like a child should? Why give me extra work?"
Except that, it is not extra work. That's part of your job description as a parent. It is your duty to know what is wrong with your child. It's your duty to solve their problems and to make them happy. If you don't, nobody else will do it for you. And if your child is not one of those people with a strong personality and self awareness, they will end up experimenting with a lot of crap just to be happy.
And that's the truth. Not my truth. But the truth.
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