According to www.exampes.yourdictionary.com, morals are the rules that govern which actions are right and which are wrong. A moral can be for all of society or an individual's beliefs. Sometimes a moral can be gleaned from a story or experience.
According to www.wikipedia.com, belief is the state of mind in which a person thinks something to be the case regardless of empirical evidence to prove that something is the case with factual certainty. Another way of defining belief sees it as a mental representation of an attitude positively oriented towards the likelihood of something being true.
Based on these definitions, a character has the following characteristics:
1. It's what we actually are;
2. It's mental and moral:
3. It is a learned behaviour:
4. It is objective;
5. It includes the traits of a person that are abstract;
6. it remains the same;
7. It requires the validation of the society.
Based on this list, we can debunk many of the misconceptions that we have about character.
1. Character has nothing to do with your religious affiliation or lack of.
Many people think that just because they are Christians, Muslims or observant of any religious doctrines, that they automatically have a good character. That is not true.
A person can be deeply religious and still be morally bankrupt and a total asshole. Check that man or woman who treats people like garbage and you'll find out that they occupy important positions in their place of worship.
2. Character has nothing to do with your subservience to authority.
Being an obedient child, citizen, or wife does not make you a person with good character. As a matter of fact, one could say that you do not have a character, since most of the actions that you take are not the result of your free will, but that of someone else's. An obedient person simply acts according to the character of the person to whom they are being obedient. They are as bland as boiled rice.
3. Character has nothing to do with how domesticated you are.
This is especially for the women. Just because you can cook, clean, wash and give a man orgasm in 100 different ways does not mean you have a good character. It simply means that you are have a set of skills. Good for you.
And be careful to assume that a man has a good character just because he too can do all of the above.
4. Character has nothing to do with your high tolerance towards disrespect.
Your ability to tolerate and accommodate disrespectful people in your life has nothing to do with having a good character. On the contrary it could indicate a weak personality or even a dysfunctional one. It can also mean that your set of morals and beliefs are flawed.
This is especially for women. There are many of you who endure all sorts of abuse, humiliation and crap from your family, friends and lovers, thinking that that will make you appear as someone with a good character, it doesn't. Something is wrong somewhere and that somewhere is within you. You cannot control how people treat you, but you can control how much you make yourself available to be treated wrongly.
5. Character has nothing to do with your family background.
Being from a broken home does not automatically make you a person with a bad character, the same way being from an unbroken home does not automatically make you a person with a good character.
You won't have a bad character just because your mother or your father has a bad character and you won't have a good character just because your mother or your father has a good character.
Character, like we said at the beginning, is learned and learning is a process that takes place in your brain. The way your brain processes information will determine how you will react to your surrounding environment. If you are the inquisitive type, you will most likely end up critiquing your environment. And if you are the passive type, you will simply absorb everything, the good and the bad, like a sponge. This doesn't mean that inquisitive people turn out to have good characters and that passive people tend to have bad characters. It is a combination of one's level of intelligence and the environment they are exposed to.
If a passive person grows up among people of integrity, they will most likely end up being a person of integrity themselves. However an inquisitive person can grow up in that same environment and not possess an iota of integrity because
their brain has decided that integrity is not a useful value.
I and someone I know are good examples of people who grew up in an environment where morals were scarce. I still managed to build solid principles on my own because I am inquisitive; while that person ended up blending with the environment they grew up in because they are passive.
6. Character has nothing to do with having strong family ties.
If you and your family are close knitted, congratulations, but that doesn't say much about your character.
I know for a fact that there is no family that is tighter than a family that runs a criminal organisation.
"La famiglia e' tutto". Have you ever watched any movie about organised crime? Think of the trilogy of The Godfather.
Many women will jump on a man just because he worships his mother, thinking that his love for his mother, extends to every other woman around. I had exes who loved their mothers more than any other thing, but you do not want to know how lowly they view the women they relate with amorously and sexually.
Men too, should take note of this.
7. Character has nothing to do with meeting up with societal standards.
You have a good job, you go to church or mosque, you are married, you have kids - you have done everything that the society requires from you. Congratulations. Unfortunately this does not mean that you have a good character.
But still, well done.
8. Character has nothing to do with occupying a position of authority.
People who are in a position of leadership often feel that not only do they have a good character, but that they have the authority to determine who has a good character or not, using theirs as a parameter. And the people they lead often believe it too. Wrong.
Your parents can have bad characters.
Your pastors can have bad characters.
Your boss can have a bad character.
Your governor, president or village ruler can have bad characters.
And women, your husbands can have bad characters. Admitting it will expose your gullibility and in some cases desperation to be a married woman, but the truth will set you free.
9. Character has nothing to do with your quality of life.
A good life is not a reward for having a good character and a bad life is not a punishment for having a bad character.
There are many people with bad characters who are having the time of their lives, while many people with good characters are dealing with all sort of shit.
In life, intelligence, talent, skills, determination and opportunity matter when it comes to having a shot at being successful. And if I may add, having a character that is neither good or bad could come in handy. It makes you more flexible and adaptable to all the various curve balls.
10. Nobody is perfect.
Trying to have a perfect character is suicide. Unless you want to isolate yourself from the world and go and live on a fucking mountain.
The Pope does not have the perfect character.
The Dalai Lama does not have a perfect character.
All those historical figures you admire did not have perfect characters. They fought noble causes, which earned them a place in the history of mankind, but they all had their flaws.
Mother Theresa was a sadist and a hypocrite.
Ghandi was a racist and a sex addict.
Martin Luther King was a serial cheat.
Malcomx was an ex con. He fucked a white woman when interracial relationships were illegal.
Mandela was abusive towards his first wife.
Einstein was a misogynist.
But today we speak highly of them. Why? Because they were intelligent, charismatic, innovative, talented and skilled. But trust me, there were people who knew them personally and who thought that they were assholes.
And that brings us to this final part.
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Can you know if you have bad character?
Probably not. People are not the most truthful when it comes to themselves, but I still wouldn't advise you to rely on the opinions of other people, and for three good reasons: humans are selfish, opportunistic and do a lot of projecting.
People will tell you that you have a bad character when they can't get you to do their bidding.
One way you could do a self assessment is by keeping track of how often the people who come close to you, stick around you, including those who say that you do not have a good character.
Trust me, even people with bad characters do not want to be around other people with bad characters.
Ask yourself these questions:
1. How old is your oldest friendship?
2. How often do you lose your friends?
3. What do you have in common with your friends?
4. Do people ever come to you to confide in you?
5. Do your friendships/relationships end because of the way you treat your friends/partners or because of the way they treat you?
6. Have you ever stopped talking to your friend because you believed they have grown too big?
7. Have you ever stopped talking to a friend because you believed that you have grown too big?
8. Are you always the last person to know what's happening in your friends' lives?
9. Do your friends often speak more of the things that you do for them or of the things that you do to them?
10. How do you treat people in vulnerable positions?
11. Are your acts of kindness motivated by personal gain?
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And remember: nobody is asking you to be the best. But you can make conscious efforts to be the best version of yourself.
Good night and good luck.
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