As I have already outlined in my previous post, the three elements that determine how power is distributed between the two parties involved in a relationship are money, looks and intelligence.
Money gives you the freedom to make financial decisions about yourself without having to involve your partner.
Intelligence gives you an edge in decision making and conflict resolution.
Looks offers you a range of admirers which translates into more options besides your partner, thus the power of choice.
Objectively, the higher you rank in each category, the more attractive you become as a prospective partner.
Culturally, though, it doesn't work like that.
When you consider the cultural settings and the distribution of roles between the two sexes, ranking high in one or more categories can actually become detrimental to you.
Ideally, for things to balance out in a couple, both parties should be on an equal level attractiveness, belong to the same range of intelligence and have similar living standards.
An equal level of attractiveness means that nobody will easily take the other for granted as they both know that the other has the power of choice.
The same range of intelligence means that nobody has to dumb him or herself down and nobody has to resort to intimidation and manipulation to get their way.
Similar living standards means that the couple can easily part ways without having to worry about giving up a comfortable life style as each of them can provide it for him or herself.
Unfortunately this balance rarely plays out in real life because men and women have been groomed to want a type of partner as opposed to what they would naturally seek.
1. Men are attracted to beautiful, intelligent and independent women, but rarely marry them.
It's not not uncommon to see men dating these women who rank high in looks, intelligence and income only to end up getting married to a woman who is lacking in either one or two departments.
It's either a man marries a beautiful woman who is not that intelligent and doesn't have much money, or he marries an unattractive woman who is intelligent and has a good source of income.
Men have been socialised to be the leader in a relationship, so in order to guarantee the success of that relationship and to make sure that their role is not threatened, they need to seek out a long term partner who doesn't have a lot of choice.
For a man to marry a beautiful woman, he is taking a big risk. Beauty alone is a huge advantage that gives that woman a wide range of options. Men who usually marry beautiful women are either good looking themselves, or have a lot of money to keep the woman interested.
2. Women are attracted to good looking, intelligent and rich men but will often settle for a man who sometimes is just a man.
Most women will date for love, but will eventually get married for anything else other than love.
Just like men, women too have been socialised. However, women have been socialised to work in perfect harmony with the men. If a man is meant to lead, then a woman is meant to submit.
Socially it is not acceptable for a woman to possess qualities that will cause her to become a competition to a man.
A woman is not supposed to be smarter and richer than her partner. If she is, nobody has to know.
The society cannot do much to stop a woman from being born beautiful and intelligent, but it can work to make sure that she doesn't become too aware and knowledgeable.
Virginity, virtue, humility, motherhood, are all part of the social indoctrination that has been put in place to make sure that a woman never fully realises her potentials.
A lot of times, even when a woman is able to nail it in looks, intelligence and money, she will still find herself unconsciously acting modest and prude, dumb and naive and living below her standards, just so she doesn't come across as intimidating.
There aren't many rich people in the world. The vast majority of us are either poor or average income earners.
Even though, on an average, there are more rich men than rich women, rich men would rather invest in a beautiful woman who doesn't have much going when it comes to intelligence and personal money, thereby forcing women who have it all together to marry down.
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Curiosity: do you know that the better looking partner often holds more power in a relationship, even though they might not be aware?
Money gives you the freedom to make financial decisions about yourself without having to involve your partner.
Intelligence gives you an edge in decision making and conflict resolution.
Looks offers you a range of admirers which translates into more options besides your partner, thus the power of choice.
Objectively, the higher you rank in each category, the more attractive you become as a prospective partner.
Culturally, though, it doesn't work like that.
When you consider the cultural settings and the distribution of roles between the two sexes, ranking high in one or more categories can actually become detrimental to you.
Ideally, for things to balance out in a couple, both parties should be on an equal level attractiveness, belong to the same range of intelligence and have similar living standards.
An equal level of attractiveness means that nobody will easily take the other for granted as they both know that the other has the power of choice.
The same range of intelligence means that nobody has to dumb him or herself down and nobody has to resort to intimidation and manipulation to get their way.
Similar living standards means that the couple can easily part ways without having to worry about giving up a comfortable life style as each of them can provide it for him or herself.
Unfortunately this balance rarely plays out in real life because men and women have been groomed to want a type of partner as opposed to what they would naturally seek.
1. Men are attracted to beautiful, intelligent and independent women, but rarely marry them.
It's not not uncommon to see men dating these women who rank high in looks, intelligence and income only to end up getting married to a woman who is lacking in either one or two departments.
It's either a man marries a beautiful woman who is not that intelligent and doesn't have much money, or he marries an unattractive woman who is intelligent and has a good source of income.
Men have been socialised to be the leader in a relationship, so in order to guarantee the success of that relationship and to make sure that their role is not threatened, they need to seek out a long term partner who doesn't have a lot of choice.
For a man to marry a beautiful woman, he is taking a big risk. Beauty alone is a huge advantage that gives that woman a wide range of options. Men who usually marry beautiful women are either good looking themselves, or have a lot of money to keep the woman interested.
2. Women are attracted to good looking, intelligent and rich men but will often settle for a man who sometimes is just a man.
Most women will date for love, but will eventually get married for anything else other than love.
Just like men, women too have been socialised. However, women have been socialised to work in perfect harmony with the men. If a man is meant to lead, then a woman is meant to submit.
Socially it is not acceptable for a woman to possess qualities that will cause her to become a competition to a man.
A woman is not supposed to be smarter and richer than her partner. If she is, nobody has to know.
The society cannot do much to stop a woman from being born beautiful and intelligent, but it can work to make sure that she doesn't become too aware and knowledgeable.
Virginity, virtue, humility, motherhood, are all part of the social indoctrination that has been put in place to make sure that a woman never fully realises her potentials.
A lot of times, even when a woman is able to nail it in looks, intelligence and money, she will still find herself unconsciously acting modest and prude, dumb and naive and living below her standards, just so she doesn't come across as intimidating.
There aren't many rich people in the world. The vast majority of us are either poor or average income earners.
Even though, on an average, there are more rich men than rich women, rich men would rather invest in a beautiful woman who doesn't have much going when it comes to intelligence and personal money, thereby forcing women who have it all together to marry down.
-------------------------
Curiosity: do you know that the better looking partner often holds more power in a relationship, even though they might not be aware?
1 comment:
Wow…
I should read this again…
See this part, “Most women will date for love, but will eventually get married for anything else other than love.” Ha… I didn’t even know it was a thing that anyone else was aware of. I have asked myself over and over again why I married someone I wasn’t Iinlove with when I have experienced love in romantic relationships before. Phew… thanks for this wisdom. I enjoyed it
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