BOYS

Boys are not good or bad in our society. They are just boys. Boys are not rated based on their behaviours. Instead they are rated on their social skills - quiet boys versus sociable boys. Because a boy who has many friends is more likely to find opportunities to make money than a quiet boy. And money is the only thing a boy has to have to transition into a man.

Grow up, make money and you become a man.

I'm sure that as boys some men were berated for being too quiet. Because quiet boys do not make impact. And as they grew older this quietness became associated with weakness or meekness, depending on the person's opinion.

A strong or real or just a man is a man who fully embraces all the privileges that a society has to offer him. Or at least he embraces them in good part.

A weak or meek man is a man who doesn't embrace these privileges in good part. Becsuse I doubt that there is any man who's not conscious that as a man, he can get many things and get away with many others.

Based on this distinction, it makes sense that the ideal man in our society is egotistic, self serving and emotionally unavailable.

However, we can't conclude, based on these premises, that these men are bad people. These men are aware though that they could be bad people and nothing would happen.

So, if a man is allowed to be a bad person without suffering consequences, why do we still have posers among men? Why are there men who want people to believe that they are weak/meek when in reality they are strong?

Because posers enjoy the art of manipulation.

Is there a difference between a male poser and a female poser?

There is none in the way they treat people or in the way they view themselves. They both seek to appear as the least harmful person around. Female posers want to be seen as good girls. Male posers want to be seen as meek men.

We wrote that female posers are in reality bad girls or lost girls and we also wrote that a boy cannot be objectively bad. However, can a boy be a lost boy?

Definitely. But then, that is the default upbringing of a boy in our society. A strong/real/man man is a lost boy.

If so, why do Nigerians act shock when men engage in anti-social behaviours if men are raised to be the kind of people who engage in anti-social behaviours?

We could call it ignorance or cognitive dissonance.

I believe that one thing that an observant Nigerian will notice is how we do not think much of the consequences of our actions. We are more interested in the immediate effects and results than the long term impacts our behaviours have on other people and surroundings.

A child does something. Instead of correcting him or her, we resort to beating and abuse. Then we act surprised when that child does that same thing again or beats up another child for doing something that he or she didn't like.

"How did it happen? I didn't raise my child to be like this."

Well, you did.

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Believe it or not, but I dated a couple of posers. I don't like the prototype of man that Nigeria proposes as the ideal. I don't like men who flaunt their privileges to my face. So, I always go for the quiet/meek men.

I was lucky with my first boyfriend. I was lucky with the boyfriend after him. Then I got unlucky and started meeting posers. The last guy I dated in Italy is a poser.

My last boyfriend is a poser.

Are some male posers also narcissists, like some female posers?

While the number of narcissists among female posers could be limited to some but not a majority of them, the average male poser is a narcissist.

FUN FACT: male posers are attracted to bad girls. And it makes sense, since they are narcissists who prey on outspoken, successful and unconventional women so that they can break them and turn them into hollow entities, aka good girls.

ANOTHER FUN FACT: Male posers do not like good girls, which is why, as soon as they manage to break a bad girl into a good girl, they discard her and move on to another bad girl.