Written on 07/12/2018
MORAYO:
"I understand that my statement has deeply offended my husband, the father of my children, and also every father out there who feels deeply about his daughters and who wishes to be part of every moment of their upbringing.
However I cannot retract what I have said because I said I said in accordance to what I have been taught and have come to observe in the society in which I live.
I live in a society that constantly punishes me. I am punished for my mistakes and I am punished for the mistakes of other people.
As a woman, I am held responsible for the way men behave towards me and, also, for the way they behave towards the people under my care, even towards the children I and this so called man have together.
When something happens to a child, people rarely ask of the whereabouts of the father or what he could have done to prevent it. What they normally do is to call on the mother and bury her in guilt. And most certainly they will not accept any excuse she may bring forth.
As a mother, you most likely won't be offered any sympathy or understanding if anything happens to your child.
A lot of women are stuck in marriages they no longer want because they have either been told that they cannot leave with their kids or because they don't know how they'd cope alone with their kids.
If a woman separates from her husband and leaves her children behind with him, the society will want to know why she'd leave her children with a man.
"What if he remarries and the new wife starts abusing the kids/"
"What if HE starts abusing of the kids?"
Those are just a few examples of the kind of questions that women who dare to ask men to act like fathers are met with.
You want to kill me for saying what tens of millions of women think every single day and say in the privacy of their homes?
Do it. You cannot put a system of blame (of women) in place, then turn around to castigate me (a woman) for trying to avoid that blame.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. My words were a reaction to the actions of my society."
MORAYO'S HUSBAND:
"My wife's words hurt me deeply. I am a man of integrity and strict morals. I have never nurtured unpure thoughts towards my daughter or any little girl at all in my life. I have held my daughter so many times in my arms, and never has the thought of doing something so perverse and depraved crossed my mind. That's the reason why I couldn't fathom why my wife would go on national television and imply that I am capable of act of paedophilia towards my flesh and blood.
Her words infuriated me, and the numerous calls from friends and family even made the whole situation more humiliating. For a moment I contemplated filing for a divorce. I figured out that no judge would even question why I would want out of the marriage. However, after much reflection, I had no choice but to face the harsh truth. Perhaps my wife does not think that I am capable of harming our daughter, but the society has certainly given her the impression that I am.
Every day we read news of how a father has defiled his infant child and every time we see commenters asking for the mother's head.
"Where was she when it happened? How could she have left her daughter with a man?"
Because the society never fully recognises my role as a father and a husband. I am always and first of all a man.
The society portrays me as this overgrown baby who cannot control his sexual impulses, and yet I am exempt from taking any responsibilities for my actions. The society has placed me at the top when it comes to power and at the bottom when it comes to responsibilities. My wife on the other hand is at the top when it comes to responsibilities and at the bottom when it comes to power.
After a while that I had been angry, I became overwhelmed with sadness. I also felt guilty. And even though it might not make any sense to you, I began to realise that I owed my wife an apology.
I had to apologise to my wife for being born in a society where she constantly feels unsafe and threatened around a man.
I had to apologise to my wife for being born in a society where she is held responsible for the misconduct of any man towards her and those under her care.
I had to apologise to my wife for being born in a society where she is forced to remain loyal to me, even though the system demands that she should be scared and wary of me.
As sadness overcame me, my anger towards my wife met a new target.
We as a society must do better towards our women and towards our daughters. We must admit our fault in this whole mess. We must take responsibility for creating and perpetuating the propaganda according to which men are dogs that would have sex with any female they come across: even though they have to force it, even though this female is related to them, even though this female is their infant daughter.
I'll forgive my wife even though she never apologises to me. The society has done its part, and now it is left to me to correct the impression that it has created, not just in my wife's, but in the mind of the average Nigerian women.
I hope that one day, these women will look at us and have no fear that we might hurt them or their loved ones.
I hope that one day, I can forgive the Nigerian society for teaching women that men, including myself, are monsters.
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