POUND YOUR YAM BY YOURSELF

"Nigerian women and their suffering Olympics.

Keep auditioning for wifely roles.

Pound yam, cook soup, wash clothes, convert yourself to a Maid for his family's likes.

When you are done with your auditioning, they'd still dump you for a woman who doesn't know the way to their family kitchen.

Then you come back and wail to us about how he Used and Dumped you..

Story.. You used and dumped yourselves.
Silly women!!

A friend of ours told us about how she bought her ticket and travelled to visit her boyfriend.

And the moment this boyfriend told his mother that she was in town and that he would like to bring her over to see his family, the mother immediately suggested that they show up in time because she wants to cook bitter leaf soup and she would need my friend to help her pluck bitter leaf and clean imfi (ie periwinkle).

And the stupid boy had the effontery to open his filthy mouth before my friend and repeat the stupidity his mother coughed to her ears.

Just imagine!! She flew all the way to see you for you to subject her to plucking bitter leaf.

Bomb dey your head...I swear!!!🙄

The idea of that visit perished that day and so did the relationship.

She relayed the story to us with so much disgust, we were all in unison when we asked her; Sis, I hope you know this relationship is over as we speak?

Oh, she knew and over it was indeed.

How can you be dating a sweet pretty babygirl like that and she will fly over to see you, only for you and your mother to relegate her to periwinkle cleaning.

Are you not mad like this?

You don't have sense and you come from a not only senseless family but a mannerless one.

Therefore, any babygirl worth her onions should not hesitate to dump you like the stinky smelly poatatoe that you are.

Go in search of your kind.
You are mismatched...

What dirty entitlement mentality you possess.

No surprises, just take a look at the reasoning of the women that raised you.

Some of you women are super disgusting.

You cant wait for your brothers/sons to start having girlfriends/fiancees so you can bully, oppress and subjugate them as per husband's family.

You have been so dejected in your own family, that you need to Lord it over someone to feel good about yourselves.

It is the women who find your brothers and your family worthy of marriage I feel sorry for."

Written by Ms Esiri U. Uduaghan

LOSING A MOTHER IS WHAT TRULY AFFECTS A CHILD

The patriarchy has grossly exaggerated the role of fathers in their children's life.

Save for the financial downfall that some families experience after the death of the father, there is sufficient evidence to debunk to common saying that children derail morally without the presence of a father figure.

First of all, Nigeria is generally a nation of immoral people, and when immoral people raise children, chances are that the latter will mirror the immorality of their parents. The absence of a father cannot possibly exacerbate this lack of character. On the contrary a child with just an immoral mother is more likely to turn out better than a child who finds affirmation in an equally immoral father.

Secondly, mothers are more invested in raising the children than the fathers are. In most cases, men only provide money for their children and remain totally oblivious to events and situations that occur in their children's lives. What most kids miss when this kind of father dies, is the financial comfort, if there was any. They have no emotional attachment to him to miss him as a person.

Patriarchy has managed to sell the lie that without a father figure, children are destined to fail, and men have taken advantage of it to continue to marriage shame unmarried women and blackmail married women into remaining in crappy marriages.

Statistically, most well to do women marry down. Meaning that the loss of a partner who brings less than you do into your relationship can never be as significant as the loss your children would suffer if you were the one to leave.

Reasonably children who grow up without a mother tend to have harsher existence than kids who grow up without a father.

When a father dies, a mother is unlikely to throw her children out in the streets, but when a mother dies, the man will definitely remarry and direct his focus to his new wife and to creating a new family with her.

Think about polygamous families. The children have little relationships with their fathers. Their entire survival depends on their mothers and how well they are able to manipulate their husbands.

In America, black children do not turn to drugs and crime because their fathers are in prison. They turn to drugs and crimes because most of the times, the mothers themselves are doing drugs and committing crimes.

If a woman is emotionally and financially stable, she can practically do without the presence of a man in her life.

Character does not change with the sex of the person imparting it. Virtues are the same for both men and women, so either of them can teach the children.

Any woman who still believes that her kids need a father to turn out right is buying into a myth. Reality has spoken: a single parent might struggle financially, but he or she can still successfully raise a decent human being.

Mothers matter more than fathers.

VIRGINITY CULTURE IS DANGEROUS TO WOMEN

The purity and virginity culture trivializes sexual crimes and misconduct against women.

When a woman is a victim of a sexual crime and misconduct, people generally do not see the "wrong" she has suffered, instead the focus is on the fact that a woman has been touched by a man who is not her husband. It all boils down to the legitimacy of this touch. Which explains why rape by husbands is not considered rape.

As a result of this skewed morality, women get to share part or most of the blame in a sexual allegation.

Instead of seeing a man who was inappropriate and sexually intrusive towards a woman, they see a woman who ALLOWED a man who is not her husband to be inappropriate and sexually intrusive towards her.

This is what happens in societies where a woman's virginity or perceived purity is more important than her dignity as a person.

This is why in some countries, when a woman is raped, she also gets flogged for committing fornication or adultery.

Note that nobody ever questions the character of a boy who is raped, but some idiots still question the character of a girl who is raped.

The only females who manage to escape the harsh judgments of hymen monitors are female toddlers. The ones who are still too small to crawl: they cannot swing their waist and throw their bum bum at a man's face.

DON'T ARGUE WITH A PATHOLOGICAL LIAR

A mistake Tonto made after releasing the videos where she narrated her version of facts was responding directly to something that her ex husband had said which didn't in fact disprove her version of facts.

You do not respond to a second offensive by your attacker after you have put up a solid defensive to their first offensive. Especially when their second offensive does nothing to disprove your defence.

I'll give you an example:

Adam accuses Mary of breaking the cup.
Mary says that she didn't and successfully proves that she didn't.
Adam, unable to refute Mary's evidence, launches an attack against Mary's character.

However, since Adam didn't prove that Mary's defence is a lie, Mary has no business replying him further. He's simply trying to distract people from the fact that he lied.

And if Mary decides to respond to Adam's lame come back, he will have succeeded in his intent.

The only time Mary might want to respond is if Adam brings up a new accusation.

E.g.: Mary did not break the cup, but Mary broke the plate.

But from experience, I'd say she should NOT. She has already proved that he's a liar. She needn't another time.

👉🏽 Churchill could have easily sued Tonto for defamation of character if indeed she had lied against him in those videos and subsequent interviews. After all, Maje sued Toke over her claim that he gave her an STD in her autobiography. The fact that he didn't, proved that her case was solid.

Experience has taught me that liars never stop at the first lie. They can spend forever coming up with a new lie every time you disprove the previous one.

How long can you play that game and who's got time for that? 🤷🏽‍♀️

DO MEN REALLY HATE ENTITLED WOMEN?

Men are complaining about entitled women. Every single man seems to now realize that Nigerian women are entitled and are calling us out.

But why now? Because, from what I know, Nigerian women have always been entitled to a man's money. It's part of our upbringing. And men used to be fine with this arrangement. As a matter of fact, they took pride in the number of entitled women they were able to date or marry at once. So what changed?

Feminism. Feminism changed the whole game. Feminism came and started challenging the social contract between men and women. It took a look at all the privileges that men enjoy and said, "Your money is not enough to cover all of this. This is not an equivalent exchange". And it's true.

A man brings his money, while a woman brings her body, her time, her mind and her soul. She gives up her family, her name, her career and her origins. In addition to all of this, he also gets the kids.

But now, things have started to change. Now, they seldom get that package deal, so they have started to complain that Nigerian women are entitled.

I have noticed this same issue with men who champion for the abolition of bride price. They actually do not have anything against bride price. Their problem is that they are no longer enjoying the benefits that once came with paying a woman's bride price. That's all.

If these men really wanted entitled women to disappear, they would drop the patriarchy. Entitled women are the creation and brag of a patriarchal society. A woman who does and brings everything that she has and in return only asks for a man's money is the dream.

Except that these men do not have any problems with patriarchy at all. They only have a problem with how feminism has messed up the entire deal.

Should women decide to re-abide to the original contract between men and women in our society, men would stop complaining about bride price or our sense of entitlement altogether.

They would be happy to pay those millions and take care of us financially, if we accepted to start giving them everything, like we used to do.

We know what they are doing. Even though they believe that we are too stupid to see through their real motives.

IT'S NOT ABOUT THE FAKE EYE LASHES

Have you noticed how men are the ones condemning the student with the fake eye lashes the most?

They are scared that in 5-10 years, she will add a house, a car and too much class to even look at them.

If their concern was just a student breaking the rules, they would agree that the school went overboard in the way they handled the matter.

But the issue is much more than that. It's about a female student taking on an identity that the average Nigerian man hates: slay queen.

💅🏽 You can see the misogyny in the form of a vein, that starts from the centre of their forehead all the way down to their neck. It's like an enormous earthworm just dying to burst out.

We know this is no longer about a student and a school. This is about the society and a female who dares to "misbehave". This is patriarchy rearing its ugly head once again.

My own is: the girl is cute. But those eyelashes are a no no. There are better ones that don't look like brooms. Ones that look so natural that you can't even tell that they are extensions.

I know that next time, she will wear quality eyelashes and make a fool of that school. 😉

PATRIARCHY LIKES SCREWING WITH WOMEN'S MINDS

Patriarchy has a way of "immoralizing" positive descriptions of women.

Take slay queen for example. How did an expression that defines a woman's ability to observe fashion trends and look good become synonymous with "empty headed prostitute"?

Worst of all women are now distancing themselves from the word. Call a woman a slay queen and see her pick offence like you have just called her a prostitute.

Meanwhile patriarchy has also managed to uplift expressions that literally insult and belittle women.

Case study, bride price.

How did an expression that literally means the price that is paid to acquire a bride become synonymous with "appreciation"?

Women are getting more and more educated, but their mental emancipation is not moving at the same pace.

Until they allow patriarchy to keep defining words for them, compliments will be turned into insults, while insults will be turned into compliments.

You don't search within the society to learn the meaning of words. You look into a dictionary. And if you must search within the society, focus on these words turned into actions, rather than on the words themselves.

You will understand that a slay queen is not a sex worker. Instead she's a high maintenance woman who is not accessible to anyhow men. And for that reason, her status is being constantly ridiculed in the hope that she'll break down and allow men of lower status to get access to her. The immoralization of slay queen is a cruel lesson to teach humility to women with standards.

You will also learn that bride price is not a token of appreciation. It's an exchange of money between a previous owner and a new owner. There is a reason why the money is paid by the husband to the father. A father owns his children and a husband owns his wife. However you have been convinced to see this as an act of honour. Just like that white woman who reconnects with her estranged father because she needs him to give her away. Patriarchy preys on a woman's desire for parental approval and societal approval to get her to enter into an ownership contract with a man, and to furthermore make men more important than they truly are.

I am a slay queen, and no amount of sugarcoating can get me to see bride price in a positive light.

Thank goodness I don't even roll with my biological parents, so the issue of a man buying me like a cow will never arise. But even if the issue did arise, I'd choose to forfeit the whole traditional wedding completely. I'm not a custodian of any cultural practices that demean me and make me less of a person.

Patriarchy only exists outside of me. Inside, I am as free as a bird.

WOMEN STILL SEEK VALIDATION MORE THAN THEY SEEK JUSTICE

I read the interview by Ms Taiwo Ajai- Lycett and I was not impressed at all.

That woman let go of rapists who probably went on to rape other women.

Your decision to report a crime against you is not just for yourself. It's to stop those criminals from doing the same thing to other people.

In the bid to sound mature and "healed", we totally forgo empathy and the wellbeing of the collectivity.

This woman knew these men. She could have had them prosecuted and sent away, but no. She had to prove that she's a strong woman who doesn't need to report her assailants to get closure.

I want to read stories of women who did the right thing for once, and not just the right thing for themselves.

Report that husband who raped/molested a minor to the police. Don't just leave him.

Report that family member who raped/molested you to the police. Don't just cut him off.

Report these rapists, women. Report them.

It's not enough to speak up. Unless you are a famous person and your voice can travel far.

I'm tired of this narrative. Women who prefer the cloak of maturity to safeguarding other women.

We need more empathy around here. We seriously do.

HE IS TALKING ABOUT HIS MOTHER

Whenever a man vomits garbage about women, check out his mother and you will find the reasons behind his contempt against women.

It's common knowledge that (African) men tend to idolize their mothers. The mothers that they do not particularly like because of her sex, but whom they consider their greatest allies when it comes to keeping their future wife in check.

The one who will set up humiliating and dehumanizing tasks for prospective daughters in-law.

The one who will act as the reminder for pregnancies and male children.

The one who will help throw out the last bag belonging to the wife that is no longer wanted because she failed.

If his mother isn't particularly educated, then it's bad for a woman to be too educated.

If his mother is a petty trader, then it's bad for a woman to be too career focused.

If his mother never questioned or retaliated against her loatheful husband, then it's bad for a woman to even consider divorce just because...

A woman's relationship with her son will determine that son's relationship with every other woman he meets.

If the mother acts as his accomplice, he will grow up to model his ideal woman after her.

If the mother forsakes him, he will grow up to model his ideal woman after her antithesis.

I have seen instances where men date and marry women who are literally the younger versions of their mothers.

In the series How I Met Your Mother, the protagonist Ted, fell hopelessly in love with Robin. Robin is modelled after Ted's mother.

In Friends, Ross obsessed over Rachel. Ross's mother once described Rachel as "the daughter she never had".

So, when next you come across a comment like "No matter how educated and successful a woman is, without marriage she's nothing", read it as

"My mother was neither educated nor successful and thank God she wasn't. Otherwise I wouldn't be here today. No educated or successful woman would have married my father. And presumably no educated and successful woman would want to have anything to do with me. I need to praise my mother's mediocrity because I am a product of that mediocrity."

WHY AREN'T MEN COMPLAINING ABOUT WRONG CONVICTIONS?

"Innocent men are being thrown into prison for murders they did not commit. A crime where the victim can't point out its murderer. We need better laws to make sure innocent men do not end up in jail."

👆🏽 Said no man ever.

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A man can be the victim of murder, as much as a woman. A man has no problem with one or two innocent people ending up in jail, as long as thousands of guilty murderers are being taken off the streets. Wrong convictions are placed at 5% in the US. Some of these people are on death row. Some of them have been executed.

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However those men care a lot about the 5% of false rape reports. They care so much because they are not the victims of said crime, instead they are the perpetrators. That 5% is their chance of being able to rape a woman and go scot free, so trust them to make a massive deal out of it.

"Women accuse men of rape as a form of revenge".
"There are crazy women out there."

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Well, since stupidity is a right that belongs to everybody, including me, henceforth, whenever a man is murdered, assaulted, robbed or the victim of any crime at all, I'll make sure to remind everybody that 5% of the people convicted in the US alone are innocent. And the USA are an efficient country. Nigeria is not. That means that the percentage of wrong convictions in our country is much higher.

If the male victim can't speak, didn't speak up on time or does not sound credible, then no case should be brought forth.

From now on, we will only support men who can prove beyond reasonable doubts that they were murdered, robbed or assaulted.

Small keg and your case will be thrown out.

EQUALITY IS NOT EQUAL RESULTS

Many a times, I have seen people argue that equality is impossible because men and women have different levels of strength and physical endurance.

Then they mention Serena Williams.

"Can Serena win a match against a male tennis player?"

This argument that seems so smart is actually very dumb. Since, clearly, whoever proposes it does not know the meaning of equality.

Saying that Serena is equal to a male tennis player is not the same as comparing their abilities, as you cannot tell who is a stronger player until you have seen them play.

Equality means that Serena should be allowed to play tennis, if she wishes. Because equality here is all about opportunities and resources.

Besides, if Serena never gets to play, how will you know that she can't win against a male player? Except you assume that Serena is automatically weaker than any male tennis player on Earth simply because she's a woman.

In which case, your argument would be doubly dumb.

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Mind you, there was a time everybody believed that girls were bad at Maths. Well, they were reasonably so. Nobody was willing to invest time and efforts into teaching girls, as they did with boys, so girls kept performing poorly in Maths, thus reinforcing the myth that girls were not as smart as boys.

A myth that has been proven to be false.