CONGRATULATIONS INI ON THE BIRTH OF YOUR BABY GIRL

Ini Edo had a baby girl last year and I couldn't be happier for her. Ini has been desperately trying to have a baby for years.

I got information that she suffered several miscarriages during the five years that she was married. I don't know if this was the reason that led to their divorce, but I know that her and her ex-husband's inability to have a baby put a major strain on their marriage.

I'm so happy for you, Ini.

Enjoy motherhood in all its ups and downs.

PS: A blog reported that the father of the baby is a married man. IT IS FALSE. Ini used a sperm donor and a surrogate.

"PACIFISTS" MAKE THE WORST FRIENDS

The worst type of people to be friends with is the so-called "pacifists". The ones that like to brag about how they hate confrontations and drama.

"I am not a troublemaker."

Duh. Those friends are going to leave your ass in the dirt when shit goes down. They will see you being dragged and torn into pieces and won't do anything about it because they don't want drama.

I have had my fair share of these spineless and selfish people and God knows that I never want to fuck with their type ever again.

You don't need peaceful people in your life. You need people who love justice. Peace and justice are not synonyms. Whoever told you that they are, lied to you.

Sometimes for justice to reign, chaos has to reign first.

Fun fact: pacifists will never stand up for you, but will be the first to scream betrayal when you don't stand up for them. Now shittier can they possibly get?

WE THAT DON'T HAVE A FORGIVING HEART

I am one of those people that a certain group of people would deecribe as wicked and heartless. And, although there was a time these descriptions hurt me, I have come to accept them with pride and honour.

Yes, I'm wicked and heartless and I do not forgive easily.

I'm one of those people who stands by what she says. If I call you my friend, family, or lover, you will know. Because I will treat you with the utmost respect and kindness. I will stand by you through your moments of adversity, celebrate your victories with you, share all that I find good and beautiful with you, and even deprive myself of something every now and then so that you can have it.

Depending on how much affection I have for you, I might forgive you many times for hurting me. But you see the day I wake and say that I am done? I AM DONE.

I gave you my time, my affection, my emotional support, my knowledge, and my money and you still hurt me. What else could I possibly give you at this point? My life? No way. Please, be going and never come back.

I'm not perfect. I make mistakes but I always atone for them. I own up to my shit, apologise, and put in work to make sure it never happens again.

If someone I have hurt decides to not forgive me in spite of that, I'll accept it and move on. But calling them wicked and heartless? Never. I'm not an entitled prick.

However, many people are. You give them so much that they think that you are "buying" their affection. These are the people who think that they are doing you a favour by being affiliated with you. So instead of being grateful for all that you are giving them, they act entitled instead. Like it's their compensation for being in your life.

Then you pull the plug and the shock hits them.

First they think you are joking.

Then they think you are fronting.

Then they think you are being overly sensitive.

Then they think you are being unreasonable.

Then they think you are being ungrateful (after all they did for you).

Then they think you are being unnecessarily wicked (everybody makes mistakes, right).

And they might remain of all those opinions until they die because they cannot come to accept that they are not entitled to your forgiveness too.

Call me wicked and heartless, but you don chop enough for my hand. Besides, I deserve to chop too, right?

My name is Mavis and I choose to stay wicked.

I AM REAPING WHAT I SOWED

It's been almost a month since I moved into my new apartment and I still remember the stress I went through to get it.

Towards the end of September, I learnt out of the blue that I had to move out of my previous accommodation. I started searching for an apartment right away, and finally found this at the beginning of October. However, my application would not be approved until the second week of November.

Before I was even considered as a potential tenant, I had to prove that I had the right to live and work here in the UK. Yes, Brexit did us European citizens dirty.

Then the reference check started:

- Identity check;

- Credit history check;

- Income check; and

- Rent history check.

Then I was asked to provide a guarantor since I was working through an agency, and so did not have a permanent contract. I proposed to pay three months in advance, but the landlord wouldn't settle for anything less than six months. At that point I had no choice but to find a guarantor as I couldn't part ways with almost three grand.

The search for a guarantor became yet another struggle. It's a role that requires the person to have a good credit history and a stable and decent income. And that credit history is a big deal. At some point I really thought that I wouldn't get the apartment, then an angel from Facebook came to my rescue.

- I have never met this woman;

- I have never interacted with her outside of Facebook;

- I can't even say I know much about her.

But she accepted my request to be my guarantor. And, despite how personal and intrusive the reference check got, she treated me with kindness and politess all through.

I cannot be proud enough of the support system that I have built over the years. I believe that whatever I am enjoying today is a result of the pieces of me that I have put out there over the years.

How else could I have earned the trust of a woman who has never met me before?

A guarantor bears the burden of paying the landlord if the tenant fails to fulfil his or her contractual obligations. It's not a role that you take on with lightheartedness and for someone you don't know. And yet this woman trusted me enough to take the risk.

Thank you Cecy. I am so grateful. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for enduring the stressful and intrusive reference check.

My mind is at rest now and I'm back to my initial plan. This sudden change of accommodation has cost me over a grand so far, but I know it's going to be a smooth sailing from here on.

My heart is filled with happiness and gratitude.

REASONS WHY YOU CAN'T MAKE/KEEP FRIENDS

"I don't have friends. I'm an introvert."

Nope, that is not the meaning of introvert and your introversion is not the reason why you are unable to make friends or sustain friendships.

An introverted person is simply a person who doesn't like large social gatherings. They prefer spending time indoors and with a selected group of people. But that says nothing about their social skills or ability to make friends.

If you are unable to make or keep friends, then some other reasons are involved as there are many extroverted people who struggle with the same issue.

Here are some reasons why you could be struggling to make or keep friends.

1. You are not approachable.

This could be for many reasons. It doesn't necessarily mean that you are an intimidating or bad person. It could be that people perceive you to be out of their reach (money, education, social status, etc) or not in tune with their personality (snobbish, eccentric, resting bitch face, loud, etc).

2. You lack initiative

This is about being shy and feeling inadequate about yourself. You are scared of rejection, so you'd rather not make the first move. This aspect of your personality may affect other areas of your life, like your career. Have you been stuck in the same job or position for years when you could easily move up the career ladder? Check if you are someone who struggles to leave their comfort zone and take risks.

3. You have a bad reputation

This doesn't say much about your person, but it does say a lot about your environment. I mean even agberos and criminals have friends. Sometimes you might be in the wrong environment where people do not make the effort to know you because you are different. You are often the object of nasty gossip and people judge you way before meeting you. And because of this preconceived idea that people have of you, you often find yourself involved in nasty confrontations which furthermore fuel your already bad reputation. The solution to this problem is to leave that environment as soon as you get the opportunity.

4. You don't put in effort

Friendships need nurturing. This doesn't mean seeing or speaking to each other every day. It simply means showing care and being dependable. Nobody wants a friend that they cannot count on. You may not always be available to help, but the times you do, you go extra miles for your friends.

5. You are entitled

Calling someone like you a friend would be farfetched since people like you do not care much about being friends with people. You are just leeches looking to milk people of everything they have: time, money, emotional support, network, etc. You are always demanding without ever giving back in return. In all honesty, someone like you is better lost than found.

6. You are impenetrable

It can be difficult to be vulnerable around people, but being friends with someone means trusting the other person enough to let them in. If people do not know you, they will struggle to connect with you. This doesn't mean you should open up to people immediately or at once, but you need to give out a piece of yourself in order to create that bond. Being overly secretive is a friendship killer.

7. You are not authentic

People seek your friendship because of the way you appear. Unfortunately your outward persona is not the same as your inward persona. Again this doesn't mean that you are a bad person. It could be that you find your personality boring, therefore you create a more interesting alter ego to attract people. However, maintaining this act is tasking and draining, so eventually your real self will prevail. You might be lucky to have friends who will like you regardless, but often times, they will just leave because "you are no longer the person they used to know".

8. Your life is full of drama

Again, you may not be a bad person. However, you are always involved in one drama or the other. And sometimes your friends get sucked into these dramas. Not everybody wants to deal with that kind of situation or energy.

"Show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are."

People are generally shallow, so they will often extend the opinion they have of you to your friends. Not everybody is nonchalant, so some people might find it tiring to have to dissociate themselves from you all the time. It's tough being the protagonist of a real-life soap opera, and some of your friends would rather not star in one.

9. You are a bad person

You may be good at making friends but these friendships never last. Your friendships either end with huge fights or with people literally running away from you. If this description fits you, then it's time you do a self assessment and accept that you are a crappy person who needs to do better. Gossiping about friends, lying about them or against them, using them to serve your needs then refusing to reciprocate, being envious, conspiring to destroy them or something they love, stealing from them, never standing up for them, not forewarning them about a dangerous person or situation, being friends with someone who has hurt them deeply, etc, are all terrible. If you are guilty of any of these, it's understandable why nobody would want to be friends with you. Try and do better.

In conclusion, you can be an introvert and still enjoy great friendships. I'm an ambivert. I function well in large gatherings, but I spend most of my time indoors. My life is basically work-home. It's so bad that during my stay in France, my landlady became worried that I might be depressed. I had to reassure her that I was fine and just didn't like going out that much. However, in spite of my reclusiveness, I have some of the best people as friends. And I'm a great friend to them too.

Everybody deserves to have friends, and saying that you don't have friends does not speak well of you. Human beings are social animals. Besides, you cannot succeed in this life without a strong support system.

So, even though it's just one or two, get yourself a friend. And be a good friend to them too.

TRANS FETISH – WHEN YOU BECOME TOO “WOMAN” FOR THE CIS STRAIGHT MAN

Elektra Abundance is the queen of shade. The woman that will read you to filth until you are left with picking not only your clothes but the very layer of your soul from the ground. She dominates the streets like she dominates her house and the ballroom. She is admired, feared, and envied by her children, her rivals, and the ballroom judges. She is the epitome of beauty, elegance, and quintessential queerness. She calls herself Abundance because her virtues and vices abound.

However, underneath that knock-hard six-foot-one of absolute gorgeousness, there is a woman, a trans woman who, for decades, has nurtured the secret desire to rid herself of all the physical evidence that exposes the identity that has been forced on her by Nature. However, at the fulfillment of that desire, she will experience what it feels like to be a “complete” woman in a world where women are a common commodity.

In season one of Pose, we learn that Elektra has been having an affair with a rich businessman called Richard “Dick” Ford for ten years. An affair that itself is a great feat since Elektra is in her 30s. Reason for which she is worried that he might replace her with a younger “model”. An event that would be a complete disaster since Dick is not just her lover but also her benefactor. Not to mention that he is completely opposed to her intention to have gender reassignment surgery.

“I like to think that you are a woman, with something extra that only I know about.”

While Elektra sees those extra parts as the reminder of an identity that she has never wanted, Dick sees them, instead, as the fulcrum of their relationship. Dick is a straight and married man who is having an affair with a trans woman because she still has her male genitalia intact. And he would do anything to keep it that way. What is the punishment for disobeying him? Elektra would lose all the comfort that she and her children have been enjoying so far.

But the woman is stubborn. Elektra passes, and that is something that is already worthy of envy in the trans community. However, she wants more than to pass. She wants to be, so, against the orders of her lover, she decides to go for the surgery. And just like Dick had promised, he breaks up with her, cuts off all financial support, and immediately replaces her with another trans woman who still has her “something extra”. With no other means to support herself, Elektra embarks on a mission to find another lover who will finance her bougie and princess lifestyle. Unfortunately, the search will prove more difficult, frustrating, and disappointing than she has imagined. None of the men she meets is interested in having an affair with a trans woman who is a woman in everything.

If you ask many black women who have dated white men, they will tell you that they often felt like these men never really liked them for their personas. Instead, they were attracted to them for their “exotic” look. These white men just wanted to experience the thrill of dating a black woman, so they never made the effort to truly know these women beyond the colour of their skin. These white men had a fetish for black women.

And guess what? It is not that different for trans women. Many of the cis straight men who date or have sex with trans women date them for the excitement. They are not interested in forming a bond with these women. Just like Dick, they see trans women’s bodies as something to be enjoyed in secrecy.

While white men with a black fetish reinforce racial stereotypes by encouraging the black women that they date to be “authentically black”, straight men who fetishize trans women reinforce transphobic stereotypes by promoting the idea that undergoing surgery strips trans women of their uniqueness.

There are trans women who want to enjoy everything feminine while maintaining their masculine appearance.

There are trans women who are content with their hormone therapy and do not want to have any surgery.

Then there are trans women who want to have a feminine appearance, boobs, and vagina.

For every one of these trans women, a trans fetish is harmful, as it tells trans women that there is only one way to be truly trans. And that transsexuality does not exist as an identity of its own but as a tool of male sexual gratification.

“If I wanted to date a woman, I would date a real woman.”

These men do not see trans women as women. To these men, trans women are the means to an end: their sexual gratification, their rebellion against society, and transgression. Once again, we see cis straight men imposing on a group of women a standard up to which many trans women cannot live.

In conclusion, a biological man who wants to become a woman and is attracted to cis straight men must come to terms with the fact that their dating life post-transition might turn out for the worst.

The majority of cis straight men won’t date you whether you pass or have had surgery.

Some cis straight men will date you, but only in secret.

And some other cis straight men will date you but only because you have a penis. You lose the penis, you lose them.

Trans women are the equivalent of feminist cis women: our dating pool is ridiculously small. Nevertheless, I want you to never ever settle.

Remember, if nobody will love you the way you want to be loved, then step in and do the loving by yourself.

SIMI AND AG BABY SHOW US THEIR LURV

Gistlover reports that Adekunle is cheating on Simi with a video vixen (among others) and a few months later, husband and wife appear in a music video together where they are showing us how they gum body and do the do in their bedroom.

This is a couple who didn’t reveal that they were dating until they were years into their relationship.

They got engaged and we didn’t hear about it.

They planned a wedding and we didn’t hear about it.

They got married and we barely saw pictures and videos of the spouses and different ceremonies.

Simi got pregnant and we didn’t hear about it.

The baby was born and we didn’t see a picture of her face until she was a year old.

But the husband is outed for cheating and all of a sudden, a couple that has always been so private shoots a music video in which both are barely clothed.

Awwww

YOU MUST HAVE A UTERUS TO HAVE A PERIOD

I found out last night on Tik Tok that there are some trans women who claim to have periods, and when you tell them, "trans women don't and can't have periods", they call you transphobic. Because according to them, there are many biological women who don't bleed during their periods, so it's OK for trans women to say that they have periods too.

NO, IT IS NOT.

First of all, there is a lot of ignorance surrounding the meaning of period. And I'm not surprised since trans women are biological men: a category of people who usually do not know shit about how a woman's body works.

For those who don't know, biological women have a MENSTRUAL CYCLE, of which the period is only a part.

The cycle goes like this: safe window, premenstrual symptoms (PMS), period, ovulation, and safe window. It's called a cycle because these four events happen CYCLICALLY every a fixed amount of days. Usually between 25 to 30 days.

Ovulation is when the egg is released from one of a woman's two ovaries and starts travelling down the connected fallopian tube.

The safe windows are when the egg has not yet been released or it has been destroyed by the body because it was not fertilized by any spermatozoon.

Premenstrual symptoms are symptoms that precede the bleeding. And they vary for every woman.

And the period is specifically the time of the menstrual cycle in which the uterus sheds its uterine walls because no conception has happened. Sometimes the shedding still happens even when a woman has become pregnant. But usually it stops right after a fertilized egg has implanted itself in the uterus.

The shedding of the uterine walls usually lasts between 3-10 days. The average days for women is 5 days.

So every 25 to 30 days an average biological woman will experience a menstrual cycle which includes a period.

Women start having menstrual cycles from an average age of 13 to an average age of 50.

TRANS MEN who have not undergone a hysterectomy can experience menstrual cycles too.

SO, YOU MUST HAVE A FEMALE REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM TO HAVE A MENSTRUAL CYCLE.

There are of course women who do not have regular menstrual cycles or who do have one at all. If that be the case, doctors can prescribe medications to help them with the situation. But in order for the treatment to be successful, these women must have a complete female reproductive system.

In conclusion trans women do not have a menstrual cycle because they do not have a female reproductive system. Trans women specifically also don't have periods because they do not have a uterus.

A trans woman can experience a hormonal cycle, which has been proved to happen for men. But that hormonal cycle does not become a menstrual cycle just because a man has transitioned into a woman.

Trans women must understand that there are many aspects of being female that they will NEVER experience. Forcefully appropriating them or attempting to erase them is both pathetic and disrespectful. Just because you are a trans woman does not mean that you cannot be a misogynist.

Learn to live with your trans identity and respect biological women's right to live with theirs.

Period.

CIS LESBIANS ARE NOT TRANSPHOBIC FOR NOT WANTING TO DATE TRANSGENDER WOMEN

This morning, I read an article on a Facebook friend Moji's wall about lesbians who are being pressured into dating transwomen. Transwomen are biological men who identify as women and who may have or have not undergone sex reassignment surgery.

The lesbians that were interviewed in the article stated that, when it comes to sexual attraction, the concept of sex is not an idea, but a reality. So when they say that they are attracted to women, they mean women who are physically and biologically female. To them, being a woman goes beyond looking like a woman or owning a vagina. It's the totality of the person that makes up her sex.

For this reason, they are not attracted to and do not care for transwomen who have not undergone surgery. The same way they wouldn't date a transman just because he has a vagina.

The problem now is that some transwomen feel discriminated against and are accusing lesbians who won't date or have sex with them of transphobia or having a fetish for vaginas.

Are they right?

As a straight woman who is attracted to men, I see where these lesbians are coming from. To me, being a man is more than having a penis or looking masculine.

I couldn't date a transman with a vagina, just like I couldn't date a transwoman with a penis.

Even though my mind has evolved to recognise trans people as the sex they choose to identify with, my sexuality has not.

As a straight woman, I want to have sex with men who are physically and biologically male. And I wouldn't react well to being labelled a terf or transphobic.

Our sexuality is very personal and should not be regulated by public opinion. I firmly believe that involving political correctness into sexual and emotional relationships is a gross violation of our freedom of expression.

As sad as it is that transwomen are not getting the kind of response that they want from some lesbians, they must understand that the rejection by the latter is not based on any hatred on their part. Rather it's just a matter of sexual attraction. Hatred and attraction are not always mutually inclusive.

Let's remember that during the time of slavery white masters/people engaged in sexual relations with black slaves even though the former hated and considered the latter to be inferior. The same phenomenon continued during racial segregation and has continued today amidst palpable racist sentiments.

Even men who hate women have been known to approach women for sexual relationships. And they don't stop there. They marry these women and bear children with them.

So, similarly, a person can hate you for your gender identity and still engage in sexual acts with you. Just like a person can support you in your struggle to affirm your gender identity and feel no attraction towards you. And while it is OK to call the first person transphobic, I don't think it's appropriate to call the second person same.

Even accusing the person of having a genital fetish seems overstretched.

I mean, there are white, Asian, Latino who won't date black women. And there are black women who won't date these men either.

Is that enough for one group to call the other racist?

Let's learn to keep politics out of people's bedrooms.

OWNING YOUR SENSUALITY AS A WOMAN

On the night that Angel made her entrance into the Big Brother house, I read all the arguments that were brought forth about her choice of dress. The ones that were in support of body positivity, and the ones that wanted to impose their own view of decency. Both sides were on fire, and, personally, I didn't feel like I had anything to add to the conversation, so I simply opted to be a silent spectator amidst the whole brouhaha.

However, I think it's time we chose honesty and dealt with the issue of fashion choices in the most objective way possible, and admit that Angel's fashion sense can be tacky.

There is sexy, there is provocative, and there is tacky.

When you are a full-bodied woman with an ample bosom, big buttocks, and/or wide hips, you are already a naturally sensual woman. This means that whatever clothes you wear can hardly ever make you look modest.

Do you remember the woman who was told on Twitter that her cleavage looked unprofessional (by another woman and her husband)? That is the struggle of being a woman who has a sensual part, or sensual parts of her body that are particularly accentuated.

Angel is one of those women. Angel can wear a bin bag and still look sexually appealing because her body is designed to own anything that she wears. For this reason, any outfit that further exposes her body immediately pushes her off the sensual wave and knocks her on the tacky wave.

The outfit that Angel wore on the night she entered the Big Brother House was tacky. And this dress she wore to the Pepsi party is tacky too. I have a feeling that she has not yet mastered her sensuality and learnt how to harness it and make the best use of it.

This is the same problem Mercy Johnson had back in the day. Mercy had such a sensual figure that she turned simple jeans and a t-shirt into a sight for sore eyes. However, she too had not mastered the power of her body, and that resulted in many poor choices in outfits. While people's perception of indecent may coincide with the fashion definition of tacky, many of Mercy's dresses though not technically indecent, were tacky.

A woman who has mastered her sensuality is Joselyn Dumas. Joselyn underwent liposuction in her early days in the movie industry to reduce her midsection and furthermore accentuate her naturally broad hips. And over the years, she has added more flesh. However, you cannot fault Joselyn's choice of outfits because she NEVER looks tacky. She has understood that her body is already sensual, and so she has to do very little to be actually sexy. Joselyn rocks plum tops and skater dresses and skirts with so much elegance. And even when her curves are all up in your face, you are never overwhelmed by them.

This is the lesson that Mercy eventually learnt, but that Angel has yet to learn. She is twenty-one years old, right? I am positive that she will rock many more tacky outfits before she finally understands that her body is already doing the work, and so her clothes don't have to do it.

This is my two cents, and please do not stone me.

YOU CAN'T BE RICH AND BE DUMB

 

I find it funny that when some of us criticise popular or famous people for being ignorant and uncultured, the next line of defense by others is to say, "They are still richer than you" or, "They are still doing well".

WE KNOW.

We know that celebrities are most likely richer and better off than us. Notwithstanding, I maintain that money does not covereth all sins.

No matter how rich you are, there are places in this world you will never get into if you don't possess a sufficient level of culture.

Look at Kim. She's worth a billion dollars, but a couple of years ago she decided to go back to school and get a degree in law. She realised that despite all her money and fame, she wasn't getting the respect that other rich and famous people were getting. Even her husband's efforts to make a friendship between her and Beyonce blossom proved abortive. Beyoncé didn't want any association between her brand and Kim's.

In Beyoncé's case, she stopped granting interviews because the public kept saying that she didn't sound smart. And usually, in America, celebrities are trained to grant interviews and speak in public. My guess is that she must have hired various professionals to help her become better at speaking in public, but eventually, she opted to stop granting interviews completely.

But in Nigeria, we believe that once someone has made money or has attained a modicum level of fame, then it is finished. They have arrived, so nothing else matters. We literally worship money and rich people. Once a rich person says something stupid or behaves in a crass way, you dare not call them out because a hoard of people will be there to remind you that the rich person has made it in life, while you are still there suffering. And, just like that, constructive criticism will be reduced to the vile envy of a broke-ass.

Whether you like it or not, being knowledgeable matters. Not everybody will be super intelligent or be a polymath. But if you have the means to improve yourself, then do it. There is more to wealth than buying houses, cars, designer clothes, or travelling to exotic destinations. Your brain deserves to be pampered too.

As for me, money nor dey trip me. I don't come from a rich family, but I have a healthy relationship with money and rich people. So no matter how rich you are, the things that come out of your mouth will always matter to me.

Knowledge too is wealth.

Hierarchy exists in male friendships

And if you are a respectable woman, care to see the position your man occupies within his social circle. Because that will determine how his friends will relate with you.

For example, a man who tries to sleep with his friend's woman does that on the basis that the friend is beneath him in their social circle. There are other friends he couldn't try such with as he reputes them to be of equal or more importance.

Back in the day, there was this circle of friends made up of Bini boys. All they did was try to outdo one another and impose themselves as the pack leader. And of course, the criteria were money and women.

- Who wore the most expensive clothes.

- Who slept with the prettiest girls.

- Who dated the prettiest girl.

I remember the day when one of these Bini lads shouted an ex's name several times with so much authority in public just to get his attention. Later that day, I gave him a warning to never try such again. You can call him respectfully, but shouting his name as if he's one boy like that...totally unacceptable. Not to mention that the ex was older. The Bini lad tried to dismiss his action as nothing, but I knew better. This ex was not a person of note. He didn't stand out in a crowd. It was very easy for other young men to impose themselves on him. I had to step in and make sure that the disrespect did not go any further. Because disrespect to him would have extended to disrespect to me.

And the moment you cave into that disrespect, you start sliding down the social ladder.

Power-play is part of human nature. Even that anonymous person you see on the street has someone on the side whose head they press regularly.

It takes a great level of confidence and self-awareness to understand that you don't have to belittle other people or engage in counterproductive competitions to be a person of respect.

I personally do not care much for all that tussle for power, but if I notice that a person is trying to push me down in a social circle and turn me into a girl-girl, I will step up and set them straight immediately.

I STAND CORRECTED: MINIMUM WAGE GET LEVELS

A couple of months ago, I wrote that someone who earns minimum wage abroad is no different than someone who earns minimum wage in Nigeria.

I was partially wrong and I take my words partially back.

First of all, there are countries where the minimum wage is close or just the same as the living wage. This means that a person who occupies the lowest tier in a professional setting can still live a decent life without relying on external support. The UK for example is one of those countries, and the US is not so far off.

Yes, there are people who work multiple jobs to make ends meet, but the truth is those people are not just supporting themselves. They have families or dependents that they must care for. These people can also need money for other expenses other than paying bills and providing a roof over their heads. However, this particular situation still doesn’t negate the fact that with minimum wage a person can live decently. Deciding to fall below the poverty line by expanding your family is a personal choice that the individual should account for.

In Nigeria, the minimum wage is definitely not close to the living wage. I believe I posted about my visit to Nigeria in 2018. My friend told me that N200K would not be enough to sustain me for two weeks. Two weeks in which I didn’t have to pay for accommodation, bills, food, and transport. One visit to ShopRite and N40K was gone. That is how expensive the country is.

I am one person who does a lot of research on finances and money management and one thing I have learnt is that if you cannot rent a decent place to live with 30% of your gross income (in Nigeria this would be your annual income since rent are paid annually), then you are definitely not earning a living wage.

Secondly, in Nigeria, there are no laws that regulate salaries and professional tiers.

For example, a graduate in the UK should not be earning less than £25K a year in a start-up white-collar position. Before it was £21K, but in recent years wages have increased and keep increasing.

When I arrived in the UK in 2013, the minimum wage was £6.31. Today it’s £8.25 or thereabout.

In Nigeria, a graduate who works a white-collar job can be earning as low as N50K. I’m talking about a person who spent 6 years in a university like lawyers, and there are no laws to lean on.

In conclusion, a person who makes £18K a year in the UK or $15K in the US is still faring a lot better than someone who earns N30K in Nigeria. Graduates too fare a lot better.

You deserve to live and work in a country where your dignity as a person and qualifications as a worker are respected. And unfortunately, Nigeria is not one of those countries.

I'M ACTUALLY GOOD AT THIS JOB

My workplace has three departments. In my department, there are 5 positions.

When I started work in August, I was meant to be trained in position 2, which is blind building. However, after two days, I was sent to position 4, which is packing. In my mind, I said, "I guess I'm not good enough at building blinds".

From position 4, I trained in position 5, which is dispatch. I would work there for several weeks, before asking to be trained in position 3, which is blind cutting. Position 3 has always been done by men. In fact, my supervisor was shocked when I asked if I could receive saw room training. I did well, but position 4 and 5 remained my main jobs. Besides, we already have two permanent workers who do a good job in position 3.

I had grown really comfortable in position 4 and 5 that I couldn't see myself doing anything else. Then suddenly, last week, I received some terrifying news. My supervisor told me that I'd be receiving training for position number 2 (again) and the fear of failing gripped me. After all, my first trainer did send me to a different position barely after two days.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I'm happy to say that I had done myself a disservice for doubting myself. I'm not only good at building blinds, but I'm also smashing the numbers.

This is my second week of training (technically done 5 days) and I'm already doing a lot more than what is expected of me.

At my current level, I should be building 12 blinds per shift. However, I'm already building 18. I built 13 on Monday, 16 on Tuesday, and 18 yesterday. My trainer, supervisor, and manager are all happy and impressed with how good I am. Even I can't believe that I'm this good. It turned out that I actually learnt a lot in the two days I was trained in my first week. They just didn't give me the chance to apply them properly.

Right now, I'm so glad I was given a second chance to prove myself. I'm even starting to like the position. It's the least physically tasking job there.

Anyway, good morning.

STOP PITTING WOMEN AGAINST ONE ANOTHER

One day, a man woke up and decided to make a comparison between the blogger Amanda and the businesswoman, Ovaioza in terms of who is womanlier. I even saw a couple of comments on Gist Ville that read, "He is right". Well, let me tell you right now that he was not. In fact, not only was he wrong, he was also sexist and disrespectful.

First of all, being a woman does not make anybody special. When we specify that someone is a woman or a man, we are merely trying to describe the biological functions of that person. If I asked you right now what makes a person a woman, many of you would provide a list of characteristics that mainly focus on her ability to procreate and cater for her offspring and partner. No answer would focus on unique skills like intelligence, smartness, sociability, ambition; because we all know that those traits are not peculiar to women.

Also, many of you women must rid yourselves of your personal bias and look at the bigger picture that the post portrays. You don't like Amanda, but this is not about Amanda. This is about the female folks.

For as long as humanity has existed, there has always been this idea that two women cannot occupy the top spot. The top spot has to be reserved for one woman alone. While men are OK with sharing their spotlight with other men (think of male rappers), women are constantly told that they must cast a shadow on other women to retain the number one spot in a male-dominated world.

Ask yourself, why must it be either Ovaioza or Amanda? Why can't it be both of them? If we consider that both women use social media in very distinct ways, the comparison becomes even more ridiculous.

I have been friends with Amanda for years and I know how she started and worked on her brand to build it to this size. She deserves all the flowers that she is getting.

Social media is wide enough to accommodate as many popular women as there can be. And nobody, especially a man, will ever turn me into one of those women who support the culture of only one queen bee in the hive.

We are not bees, we are humans, and humans are allowed to have equal strength, importance, and relevance.

WHITE PEOPLE APPRECIATE NIGERIAN CUISINE

I found out during a casual conversation that my supervisor, a Polish man, likes Nigerian food.

During his days as a student, he lived with two Nigerian men who introduced him to our cuisine. To date he still orders food from a local Nigerian restaurant.

His recent order consisted of pounded yam, gari, beef stew, stew with assorted meat, etc.

He even mentioned that he makes poundo and eba by himself.

I was so impressed by this revelation that I wanted to give him some baby girl tips on how to make swallow with microwave and this man legit told me, "No, you have to make it in the traditional way: on the fire".

To say that the thing shocked me in my bone marrow eh.

Thank God those two Nigerian men did not introduce him to mortar and pestle o.

Otherwise, this man would be suffering himself with a task that can be done using food processor and other modern tools.