Here
is my theory.
The
first element that triggers our attraction is purely sensitive. It can be what
see, what we hear, what we smell and what we touch. I would say that taste is
the sense that we use less the first time we meet someone. I presume we don’t
go around licking or biting people to know how good they taste. But that
doesn’t mean that the tongue doesn’t play a fundamental role in the game of
attraction as we speak through it. If the beauty, the steps, the smell or the
skin texture of someone can trigger our curiosity about someone, words
determine if that attraction is going to go past that first encounter.
When
we speak to someone, we want to create a friendly environment, thus choosing
those topics that deal with interests we are passionate about. From that
interaction we decide whether we like how that person’s view are similar to
ours or we like how different they are from ours and at the same time
interesting how interesting they are.
In
the case of attraction from similarity two individuals come to share a lot with
one another. Being that the more time we spend with someone, the more we are
likely to assimilate some of their behaviours, it’s only normal to observe, in
this type of relationship, the couple becoming more and more similar to one
another, both in character and also in appearance (so they say). At a point
they come to love in total symbiosis, depending one on the other. There is no
longer a distinction between the two: he and she become a “we”. Totally
inseparable and unbeatable.
On
the other hand when the attraction is born from diversity, the only thing the
couple has in common is their curiosity for how different one is from the
other. Just like I have explained, spending a lot of time with someone, means
inevitable taking on some of this person’s behaviours, so in other to maintain
the main reason that brought them together, we see the pair looking for more
ways to stimulate and keep the interest of one another. In this type of
relationship, there is never a confusion of identities. Both are kept separate
and distant. There is a he and there is a she. They are very independent from
one another and that makes them very fragile as a couple.
It’s
not said that one relationship is better than the other, because the
individuals that compose these couples are essential in the analysis of the
success or failure these relationships are destined to.
First
of all, in the case of a relationship based on similarities, it’s very
important for the people involved to have reached an individual maturity and
self-consciousness and awareness, because as time goes on, there is the risk of
a fusion of both personalities, which can result in the annulment of the
individual entity. So we basically have a destruction of their original
personas;
as in I can no longer identify a he or a she without seeing the other party in
this identification. This is a very
dangerous scenario, but unfortunately it’s not uncommon. It’s very frequent in
rapports between teenagers; so people who haven’t reached the necessary
maturity to maintain their respective identities in a highly influential
environment. It’s also very frequent in those rapports where one party is very
domineering, while the other plays a subservient role. In this case, the
submissive party takes on the behaviours of the domineering one and sort of
loses themselves in the process.
It’s
not said that this doesn’t happen among adults though, because maturity is not
always about age.
Just
like in the first type of relationship, there are also negative consequences of
a relationship where the attraction is based on how different the people
involved are. It’s basically all about going against the natural flow: I mean
people are supposed to become more similar and compatible as they spend more
time together. But given that the foundation in this case is based on
incompatibility, there is a strife by both parties to continuously search for
new intriguing things about themselves to keep the other interested. It’s a
very stressful process because it’s not easy maintaining the interest of
someone who would drift away if they no longer feel that diversity from their
partner. It can result in both ending up completely worn out and resentful
towards another, because in other to impress their partner, they might have
done something unusual or inappropriate.
Also
in this case, a lot of maturity is required because a limit has to be set in
matters of what we can do to keep our partner focused and interested and how
the search has to be shared and balanced between the couple. It’s not unusual
though to see one party striving and working hard to bring in innovations to
the relationship, while the other just sits and approves or discards.
At
the end of the day it’s all about balance. If a couple has so much in common,
with the right maturity and mind-set, they have a high chance of having a very
lasting relationship, which is meant to become stronger and stronger. On the
long going, they don’t just remain lovers, but they become best-friends or even
siblings; and even when the initial passion eventually fades away, they have so
much to rely on, that they can still spend quality time together and remain in
total harmony with another.
Also
in the case where a couple doesn’t have much in common, they can still last
together, if they are able to maintain a certain distance, so they don’t lose
their differences. And also both parties finding new ways to make themselves
look more interesting as arouse the curiosity of the other, is a key to success.
Happy
loving!
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