TIPS FOR ASPIRING BLOGGERS

As an aspiring blogger, you will be met with a lot of criticism. And if you are a Nigerian blogger, the majority of that criticism will not be constructive. But one thing you must never do is allow these opinions to affect you so much that you want to give up your niche or quit blogging completely. 

1. Choose what you are good at and stick to it.

I'm good at many things, but I chose commentary videos because that's what I can do consistently and passionately. Important: passionately. Also, there are always topics to discuss, analyse and dissect. You hardly run out of material with this category. 

2. Don't choose a shortcut.

There is a formula for going viral: do something stupid, unusual or insane. You will go viral. But then, the people who will pick interest in you, will expect you to stick to those types of videos and continue making them. And they will expect you to keep pushing your limit. So, unless you are willing to work under this much pressure, don't opt for quick popularity.

3. Improve your skills.

I got many things wrong at the beginning. I didn't draft my content, or time my videos or edit them properly. Today, I'm faster at shooting, better at speaking and also better at editing. Even with a camera that is not exceptional, and mine isn't, you can still create quality content.

4. Separate your private sphere from your professional sphere. 

Blogging is a job, even though you don't start making money until much later. Just like you have an office space for your job, you should have a platform that is strictly dedicated to your blogging activities. Your Facebook page and your IG feed should not be used for your personal updates, unless the update is there to attract followers and subscribers. 

Most YouTubers act silly on Twitter, IG stories or live, but their YouTube channel and IG feed are always kept professional. 

5. Stay consistent

Blogging is a job, so find a schedule that works for you. I started off with three videos a week. Then I realized that I needed to slow down a bit, so I reduced them to 1-2 a week. I started blogging on IG and by the time I moved to YouTube I had already created over 60 videos. There are bloggers who don't create those many videos in a year. But those are usually already popular and into other businesses that earn them money.

6. Watch your videos and make corrections 

I watch my videos and take notes of aspects that I don't like. It could be the way I was sitting down, or the way I was gesticulating. I might have a speech pattern, so a phrase that I utilise too often. It could be my enunciation or pronunciation of certain words. Just recently I started watching my videos on TV and I noticed that the colouring and saturation were off. I use a mobile app to edit, so my tools are limiting. However I'm trying to figure out how to adjust my videos to look better in HD.

7. It takes time to get noticed

Don't think that you can start blogging today and go viral the next day. It takes an average YouTuber 1-2 years to get monetization. There are exceptions of course. People who start YouTube today and within a month they already have hundreds of thousands of subscribers. But these sort of people are the ones that are usually endorsed by an already established YouTuber. A shout out, a reaction video, a commentary by an influencer, and boom, they get the views and the subs. There are agencies on YouTube that recruit and manage upcoming YouTubers. They help you build your platform really quick and take a share of the profit.

I started posting on YouTube in March. I started off with 2 subscribers. Today I have about 160. You need at least 1000 subs and 4000 watch hours for your channel to become monetized.

8. Have a plan

You won't be a blogger forever. I won't be a blogger forever. Right now, I'm focusing on blogging. In 2-3 years, I will use the platform that I have created for myself to start a new business venture. The plan is to have multiple streams of income. And a good social media presence will give you a massive headstart.

9. As long as they watch...

Your viewers won't always be your fans, but view counts don't know the difference between a hater and a fan. A view is a view. Unless a person is particularly nasty to you, don't be so quick to block them on your channel.

10. Good luck

Work hard and smart. Connect with the right people. Avoid the wrong people. Be strategic about your social media activities and learn to carpe diem when an opportunity comes along.

MEN NOW CREATE FAKE FEMALE ACCOUNTS TO ATTACK OTHER MEN

Since nobody has done it and even some women in the name of balancing are pushing forward this nonsense, I have no option but to step up.

I want to address a group of people, and that group of people are men who create fake female accounts on social media and use them to spew garbage against their own sex.

The balancers are using this tweet to educate about misandry. I don't have shit to say about misandry because I have never come across a misandrist.

All the times I have seen men accuse women of misandry it was because:

1. The women were setting a standard for themselves;

2. The women were calling men out on their bullshit;

3. The women were extricating themselves from male approval;

4. The women were campaigning for women's rights.

The only times I have seen messages that indeed were particularly hateful against men in a way that was senseless, I immediately smelled something fishy. A little research and voilà, it turned out to be a fake account.

Those posts were not written by a feminist or any woman for that matter. I stand convinced that they are men who just want to stir up shit, and sadly women are falling for it in the name of balancing. 

When I see a woman hurting a man without justification, I'll step up and speak against it, until then, not even a million fake tweets by misogynists will make me campaign against a powerless and non social issue like misandry.

Nice try guys. But we see through your BS.

EQUITY WITHTOUT EQUALITY BE LIKE...

Woman: I don't think women should strive for gender equality. Instead they should push for gender equity.

Me: Why?

Woman: Because there are many areas in which men outperform women.

Me: You are a lawyer, right?

Woman: Yes.

Me: Do you think that you are less capable than your male colleagues?

Woman: No.

Me: Imagine if you were a woman in the 1960s USA and you wanted to study law, but you knew that your chances of becoming a lawyer were very slim. Because they only had 5 slots for women at Law School. Assuming there were 100 spots in total, 95 would be allocated to the 95 best scoring men, while 5 would be allocated to the 5 best scoring women. 

Woman: That would mean that they had separate charts for men and women, right?

Me: Yes.

Woman: Why would that be? Men and women should be on the same chart, based on their performance.

Me: No because that would be equality, and you said that you want equity. 

Woman: I know that, but I mean...Then they should have created a law school for women.

Me: And how would this law school differ from the men's? Would they teach different subjects? Give different exams? Set the performance bar lower?

Woman: No. It's to make sure that 95 women don't lose the chance of studying law.

Me: Well, someone would have failed to get into law school anyway. Did it matter that most of them were women?

Woman: That's unfair.

Me: That's equity for you. It's not about fairness. It's about reminding you that you are not the standard, and making a tiny room to accommodate you. 

We cannot opt for equality in some areas and equity in others. That would mean creating specific laws for all areas of life. Too demanding. We must choose one.

Equity or equality? What's your choice?

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS MISANDRY

The purpose of the misandrist/man hating tag is to put women on a moral pedestal, typical of what abusers to do their victims.

By forcing you to act as the bigger person, they strip you of your natural predisposition to react and react negatively to mistreatment and disrespect. 

There are no institutions, cultures or religions that back up or enforce misandry. Because misandry itself is a reaction to institutions, cultures and religions that promote and support misogyny.

Feminism wants equal rights for women, but patriarchy keeps pushing the narrative that women are too good to want to challenge, resist and demand.

Whenever you as a woman call another woman a misandrist or man hater, you are being an accomplice to the patriarchal plot to strip women of their goddamn right to be angry and resentful. 

There is no such thing as a misandrist. 

Women setting standards for themselves is not misandry.

Women calling men out is not misandry.

Women rejecting men is not misandry.

Stop being a patriarchal tool. You are not balancing shit. Instead, you are ridiculing the movement.

TACHA AND MERCY: NEITHER IS COPYING THE OTHER

When you stan, stan with sense. Know your idol's strengths and weaknesses and understand that there is a limit to what they can do and the areas of businesses that they can explore.

Tacha and Mercy don't have any talents. They cannot act, sing, or dance. They cannot write, speak, compose music or churn our revolutionary ideas. They are merely pretty women that were made famous overnight by a reality show. They are the Kardashians of Nigeria. They are famous, they are making money, but they are not making any impact.

Ask yourself: what can Tacha do that Mercy cannot do? And what can Mercy do that Tacha cannot do? The truth is that both women are so devoid of any talents that the only kinds of businesses that they can do are the businesses that people, like them, who are famous for no reason can do: advertisements, fashion and beauty.

All a company needs is someone with influence to sell their products. They needn't you to come with plenty of skills or talents. Just have a huge fan-base, and be attractive, and they will come running to you. That's the same reason why people still use Bobrisky and Tonto as their ambassadors despite all the controversy that surrounds them. There are, of course, serious brands that care about the image of the person representing them and that will never hire these lots to promote their products, but as far as getting endorsement goes, these famous for being famous kind of people will always find someone who is willing to pay them to wear their clothes, wigs, jewelry, make up and wigs.

Fashion is another area that anybody can tap into, as you do not need to be a fashion designer to have a clothing line. That is why every celebrity can create a fashion line. All they have to do is hire someone to do the sketches, find a factory to sew the pieces and stamp their name on the pieces.

The same discourse applies to the beauty industry. Is Kylie Jenner an expert in makeup? Does she know the chemical components of a makeup product? Does she know the steps to creating something as simple as an eye shadow? No, she doesn't. But she has a name to her and a huge fan-base. And voila. She created a beauty line and made a shitload of money.

It only becomes sketchy when these celebrities try to tap into an art, like singing, acting or writing. Kim Kardshian has tried her hand at acting, but she never became a movie star. Even her book, which was in reality a photo-book, has been listed as one of the worst books to be ever published. Paris Hilton failed as a singer and actress too.

For all these reasons you should really think twice before coming online to call either Tacha or Mercy a copycat of the other. They are doing the only types of businesses that they are capable of. If Tacha were a talented writer and Mercy decided to start writing too without having any talent for writing, then you could call Mercy a copycat. If Mercy could sing, and Tacha decided to start a singing career even though she has no talent for singing, then you could call Tacha a copycat.

Also, nobody can create a clothing line from one day to the next. The person who releases their product on a later date might have started working on their project even before the person that released theirs earlier.

To conclude, if you want your idol to be unique and engage in something unique that nobody else can easily replicate, then stan someone that is uniquely talented. Otherwise hold your peace, and watch them do something that any famous person can literally do if they have enough influence to pull it off.

AFTER THE #BlackLivesMatter STORM DIES DOWN, WHAT NEXT?

Written 17 June, 2020

For centuries black and African women have stood by their men, fought with them, fought for them and made sacrifices for them. Yet, none of this has been enough to establish equality among them. Instead the subjugation and abuse of women has become more radical and more brutal. As of today, women of colour are still the most oppressed and abused group of women, all over the world. For this reason, I cannot fully express my support for the BLM without the fear of a future betrayal arising in me.

As an African woman, I have witnessed and experienced both racism and misogyny firsthand, and neither of them is more tolerable than the other. Neither of them is less urgent than the other. Neither of them is more lenient than the other. I am afraid of being hurt for being a woman, as much as I am afraid of being hurt because I am a person of colour. My life is plagued by a double threat, and both of them are systematic and deadly.

On an ordinary day, African American men do not have love for their women, even though these women love them as their fathers, sons,  brothers, partners and friends. African American women, they say, are too loud, too strong, and too confrontational. Their hair is too coarsed and their skin is too dark. Their bodies are too thick and their ways are too masculine. But right now, since the protests started on May 21, 2020, none of these undesirable traits have mattered anymore.

As a matter of fact, these undesirable traits have become admirable.

They love that the women are loud: what's a protest without powerful voices?

They love that the women are strong: when they are pushed, shoved and beaten, they can stand up and carry on marching again.

They love that the women are confrontational: they need answers to their question: “Why are you killing us?”

They love that the women wear wigs to cover their natural coarse hair: you can snatch the wig, but you can't snatch the head.

They love that the women are dark: the rich melanin will protect them during the long hours that they'll have to spend under the sun chanting for justice and equality.

They love that their bodies are thick: it won't be easy to knock them down.

They love that their ways are masculine: you need to be aggressive to withstand the stubbornness of a system that has decided that you are not human enough.

Everything that they hate about these women is now the very weapons that they are using to fight against racism. Does this mean that the black man only values the black woman when she allows herself to be used? Are we just tools to be used and discarded after everything is said and done?

When the protester's requests have been met at a level that is considered satisfactory, and men and women go back to their homes to celebrate their victory, what will be the fate of the black woman? Will the black man still remember how the black woman's voice, strength, bravery, readiness, toughness, solidity, and fierceness were powerful contributions in the protests that saw statues of racists being taken down, roads painted with “black lives matter”, the confederate flag trashed, and the entire country unarguably afraid of the awakening of the oppressed black population?

After the storms dies down, what next?

BOBRISKY IS EXPLOITING WOMEN'S PAINFUL EXPERIENCES TO MAKE MONEY

Written 15, June 2020

Bobrisky is starting to cross the line with his antics. He's starting to make a mockery of women and their struggles for respect within the society. 

For the majority of Nigerians, Bob is nothing but a man who likes playing dress up. They do not take him seriously. Bob says that she's a woman and wants to be addressed as a "she". However Bob does not respect women. Bob himself constantly relies on his male privilege to get away with so many things that a woman wouldn't. 

Bob slutshames women. After Bob has published his latest video about doing runs, hooking up with married men and having sex in god knows where, he'll still come online and call a woman ashewo and olosho.

A woman would know better than to publish a video with such content online. But Bob is a man. Men are not called ashewos. Only women are.

Bob jokes about having periods, but Bob has never had a period in his life. He doesn't know that for millions of women, their period is a time of the month they anticipate with horror. Tossing in bed, rolling on the floor, stooling and vomiting. Millions of girls around the world skip 7 days of school every month because they cannot afford sanitary pads. Thousands of women have opted for a hysterectomy to free themselves of horrible period cramps. Women ingest a huge amount of hormones every year to either regulate, suspend or ease their periods. But Bob doesn't know and doesn't care.

Now Bob is claiming that he's pregnant. And nobody is cursing him. Nobody is asking him why he would get pregnant out of wedlock. Where the father is. And if he knows who the father is. Could a woman get away with such?

What about the women who are desperately trying to have babies and can't. Now they come online and see this clown with a fake baby bump, making fun of an experience that nobody expects him to have. Nobody will ever insult Bobrisky by calling him barren or a man. Bob is a man!

Bob is insulting the collective intelligence of women who have to fight every single day for our right to be. I wish he'd borrow some sense,  and understand that being pregnant as a single woman who proudly does runs and fucks married men is a privilege that women do not enjoy. 

Anytime a person Insults Bob, it is never to shame him for being a woman. Instead it is to shame him for choosing to be a woman. Why would he? Why would he throw away his masculinity to embrace the one gender that the society likes to hate for no reason at all?

Well Bob knows why. As a man who dresses up as a woman, he gets to have the best of both worlds. The attention of men who are attracted to trans women without the misogyny that comes with being a woman.

Trans women want to be included in the feminist discourse, but trans women are also oblivious of what it's like to be born as a woman and the experience of womanhood from the very first day they are born on this Earth. Nobody hates transwomen for being women. People hate them for giving up their masculinity. It's a different type of hate and it's not misogyny.

Bob can change back into his male clothings and go back to being a man any day he wishes, and the hate will stop. Women cannot do the same. A woman who wants to stop experiencing the hate that comes with being a woman has to take tons of hormones, change her appearance through surgery and do away with her breasts. And perhaps grow a penis. That's the only way you can escape misogyny. By changing everything about your outward appearance. 

This generation of men who like dressing up as women and reinforcing negative stereotypes - especially those IG comedians, need to be lectured on what it's truly like to be a woman. It's not just wigs, make up and clothes. It's also pain, suffering, humiliation and fear.

Those are the true reality of being a woman. Everything else is sugarcoating.

THERE ARE NO CURSES ATTACHED TO WOMEN WHO COMMIT ADULTERY

Many men have been killing their wives and claiming that they died as a result of adultery.

If you hear that any woman has died as the result of a curse that punishes women who sleep with men outside their marriage, know that there was no curse involved. Those women were murdered by their husbands who then conveniently blamed the curse.

I mean, how do you prove that a curse isn't real? 🤷🏽‍♀️

In those same villages, you will find women who have cheated, conceived children with other men, and are still "happily" married to their oblivious husbands. 

The efficacy of this curse relies on the fact that the women must be CAUGHT in the act of adultery. Without any human knowledge, the curse does absolutely nothing. Shouldn't that tell you that there is something fishy about the subsequent death of the women who died?

Even as a woman who doesn't plan to cheat, don't make the mistake of marrying any man from any of these places. One day they can kill you, then tell people that you died because you committed adultery, and nobody will bother to ask further questions. 

Nigeria is a country where autopsies are not a routine practice. So think twice before you go and chook head into a culture where women can be killed at the whim of a wicked husband.

Dassol.

IF HE LIKES YOU, BUT YOU DON'T LIKE HIM, DON'T BECOME HIS FRIEND

Written 08, August, 2020

About Erica and Laycon...

Erica's biggest mistake was becoming friendly with Laycon and carrying on being friendly, even giving him hope, after he openly told her that he likes him.

When a guy you don't like asks you out, you must be firm with your no. Don't offer friendship and don't put him on a hook. If the guy offers friendship, then you must consider one aspect: his dating pool.

A guy with a vast dating pool will not stick around for long. He might be friends for a while but sooner or later he will get tired and move on.

A guy with a limited dating pool will glue himself to you. He knows that his chances of getting the attention of an attractive woman comes but once in a blue moon, so he will trying to make you change your mind.

Erica is arguably the prettiest babe in the house and because she's friendly and easy-going, she made friends with Laycon. She did not consider that on a normal day, Laycon doesn't have access to women like her. Now Laycon is in love and Erica is still being nice, making him believe that without Kidd in the picture, he'd stand a chance. But Kidd is not the only attractive guy in that house, and without him, Laycon still wouldn't be a choice.

It's as though, in this season of Big Brother Nigeria, they went to various gyms and packed a bunch of bodybuilders. Then they picked Laycon. The guy in charge of rearranging the weights and providing chill water, to round up.

Erica's only solution is to stop speaking with Laycon or tell him no in way that leaves him with no hope. This will inevitably result in his becoming resentful and bitter towards her. "Laycon is nice, Laycon is this". You don't want to see what a reality check will do to him and his fans. It won't be pretty. Because let's be honest: can Erica carry on like this for 71 days or until one of them is evicted? They are both fans favourites.

Erica must drop her good girl attitude. It's not playing in her favour. Laycon couldn't try that nonsense with Nengi. She will break his heart in thousands of pieces. But Erica is always laughs and smiles.

This is what happens when you refuse to tap into your attributes. You are not being arrogant for knowing that you can date a much more attractive man. You are being conscious of your opportunities and choices.

And who knows, Erica might keep going back to Kidd because she wants to escape Laycon's attention.

This story will not end well. Not for Laycon, not for Erica.

THE SUPER RICH ARE CHOOSING NETWORK OVER WEALTH AS INHERITANCE FOR THEIR CHILDREN

I read this article last week and it resonated with me. A couple of weeks ago we discussed children as retirement plan in Nigeria, and I agreed that children should not be their parents retirement plan. And that instead parents should make plans for themselves and leave a leverage for their offspring.

When it comes to the super rich and wealthy, this leverage could mean hundreds of millions or even billions of dollars. An enormous fortune that would remain in their family for generations to come.

However you'll be surprised to learn that some of the richest people in the world are planning to leave less than 1% of their wealth to their children and donate the rest to various charities after their death. Their reason for that? Children need to learn the value of money and hard work. 

Do I agree? Yes, I do.

While none of these kids will ever go hungry or lack a luxurious lifestyle, and some will still end up with trust funds worth millions, their most valuable inheritance will be the luck of having been raised by highly motivated and successful parents. Their wealth is not in their money, rather it is in their vast network. These kids would really have to put in a lot of effort to become poor after their parents death. They are set to inherit a legacy that cannot be bought, if I may say.

Think of the Kardashians-Jenners. All together they are worth over a billion, however they do not have the kind of network that Gates and Zuckerberg have.

North West with an inheritance of $400M will always be less rich than Phoebe Gates with just $10M, for the sole fact that Bill and Melinda have reached heights, places and formed connections that Kanye and Kim could never dream of.

This is what true parenting is all about. Trusting yourself to have raised sound minded children who won't need your billion dollar empire to succeed.

If I had kids, I'd do the same. I wouldn't leave all my money to them. Instead I'd leave what they need to be comfortable and a capital to start their own path. 

Right now, my parents are very much alive, but I'm already trying to make do with what I earn through my jobs. I plan to reach financial bliss before my dad passes away.

The privilege of being an EU passport holder, and having a family that do not need my money to survive are my leverage to succeeding in this life. And I too would have to make some pretty bad choices to end up living below a certain level of comfort. 

But let me read your opinions. Do you agree with these millionaires and billionaires that children ought to be given just what they need to build their own fortune? Or do you believe that whatever a parent owns should be passed on to the child?

DAVE CHOE'S STORY IS NOT MOTIVATIONAL. HE WAS LUCKY.

I read about Dave Choe on a Facebook post and I couldn't help but shake my head at what we want to promote as motivation. 

Choe got lucky, and all of a sudden, he's an inspiration? 

Choe got a job to paint an office at the Facebook headquarters. Then he was asked to choose between cash or stock payment. He chose stock. And years later, he became rich. But Choe is still not a motivation.

Choe is one in a million. In fact make that 10 million. He gambled and won. In the moment he was asked to choose, his options were between certain $60,000 and uncertain future millions. Future millions that he had no control over. Choe was listed as an adviser, but in fact he never played any role in the success of Facebook. He was not on the board of directors or even a member of staff. He was just a man who hoped and waited for his choice to turn out to be the right one.

Luckily, things turned out well, and Facebook is now worth billions which bring his shares of 0.1-0.25% to be worth around $300,000,000.

Now, ask yourself, are you really going to emulate Choe and keep hoping things turn out right? Do you want to keep giving other people the handle to your success, while you sit and wait for the miracle to happen?

I'm not motivated by this story. This man's story is such a rarity that you could live and die 100 times before you encounter that kind of opportunity. 

Work and plan. Life doesn't happen. You make life happens.

Congratulations to Choe, but I like to know that I'm in charge of my money and future. 

Totally not inspired.

NIGERIAN WOMEN ARE EXPERTS IN PATERNITY FRAUD

Ever since it became mandatory for families  who intend to unite in a foreign country like the UK and USA, to carry out DNA tests before being approved for a visa, Nigerians have ranked second in the world for paternity fraud; with over 30% of Nigerian men who took the test currently taking care of children who do not belong to them.

A recent case is that of a 36 year old man who filed for his mother, father and two siblings to come and join him in the USA. The DNA test revealed that their father was not the father of any of them. 

What could be the reasons behind this phenomenon?

There are many explanations but it's fair to say that Nigerian men are not the only ones who are polygamous in nature.

It's common occurrence for women to leave their long term boyfriend and marry the rich dude who proposes marriage. Well, it's also common occurrence for these women to settle their boyfriends by offering them one last day of hot sex. If the sex results in a pregnancy, most women will simply pin it on their oblivious husbands and carry on with their lives. If there is a child who may not be yours, it's most certainly the first one.

Another situation is when a man is sterile and the woman knows and is tired of being blamed for their childlessness. So she goes out and gets pregnant by a strange man. The husband might know or might not know. However if he does, he's more than happy to have a woman who is willing to cover up for his shame.

The last situation is just that of a woman who cheats throughout the course of her marriage. While the children a man fathers with other women are known as the children he fathered with other women, the children the woman mothered with other men are much harder to detect. In most cases, the man will never know until he dies. Other times the rise of a medical condition will reveal that the DNAs of father and child don't match. 

Nigerian women cheat and they cheat with no emotions attached. They sleep with other men, get pregnant with their children and carry on being doting wives to their husbands. 

So my question is: are you sure that you are your father's child? Are you also sure that all your children are yours?

If you are bold enough, take a DNA test today. And save yourself from a bitter truth 20-30 years from now.

"I AM MY PARENTS' RETIREMENT PLAN" GANG ARE BAD FOR LONG TERM RELATIONSHIPS

You are reading all these sentimental posts and comments by the "I owe my parents" Association of Nigerians and awwing, "Look at this responsible pikin. They will make a great parent", so you will carry yourself and start planning a future with them. 

*Laughs in Burundese*

It's all good until you are dating. Oga/madam does not owe you money. 

Then you start planning your wedding. You think that it will be based on the sum of your incomes, only for you to learn that you have to settle for a smaller budget because oga/madam is their parents retirement plan.

When it's time to rent a house, again, you will expect the two of you to choose a house based on the total on your income, only for you to hear that you must settle for a smaller accommodation.

As time progress, you find yourself footing most of the bills on your own because oga/madam besides the maintenance money, has to send money to their parents for other things.

"Mama is sick."

"Papa is sick."

"Their roof is leaking."

"Their house needs repainting."

And you, even though you never planned for it, will become another one of those parents who struggle to train their kids and later on become entitled to their money. Not because you didn't have the means to provide for them, but because you chose a partner who was raised with that same mentality.

Your quality of life will suffer.

Your children's quality of life will suffer.

You will find yourself thinking of how you would be living a much better life if you were on your own. Your in-laws are not living with you, but they cost you like a second family. 

And I'm taking it for granted that oga/madam only has his parents to maintain. No siblings or side chicks. 

If you are of the school of thought that you are your parents' retirement plan, make sure you make a shit load of money, otherwise you will just become a thorn in the flesh to your future partner. And if that partner also belongs to that same school of thought, you will end up in the same cycle of poverty as your own parents. And it won't be because you are poor. It will be because your parents made the choice to be poor and now you have to make up for their poverty which will inevitable result in your becoming poor too. 

I know that Nigerians lack foresight. We don't think on the long term. It is always about now. We we need now. What we want now. How we can survive now. You are poor planners. And that's why you also make terrible long term partners.

"I am my parent's retirement plan." If you don't become rich, just stay you stay and remain single.

IF YOU ARE POOR, DON'T HAVE KIDS

1. If you are living in one room with your partner, you have no business having kids.

2. If you have to sell your wrappers to pay for school fees, you have no business having kids.

3. If you have to drink gari every day to save money for books, you have no business having kids. 

4. If you have to chop beating and insult so that your kids can have a future, you have no business having kids. 

5. If you have to look haggard and unkempt so that your kids can eat, you have no business having kids.

6. If you have to wake up at 5 to make pap and hawk, you have no business having kids.

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All that nonsense about how your parents suffered for you does not move me. Your parents shouldn't have given birth to you in the first place since raising you would have meant a life of deprivation for everybody. 

Also, you are all quick to remember how your parents suffered for you, but forget all the times they insulted, abused and beat you to a pulp out of frustration. Any time they reached their limit, they took it out on you.

Oh I forgot. You are probably in the same Whatsapp group as "My parents were abusive but I turned out fine". 🤣

Go down your memory lane and you will find out that besides the times they gave you food and sent you to school, you and your parents had zero relationship. They were too poor and too preoccupied with their poverty to develop any love or affection for you. All they saw were their future escape from poverty. And God forbid that you ended up failing to deliver.

And this is not is conversation for people who come from wealth and are building wealth. I shouldn't be involving myself in this discourse either since my father has made plans for me for when he passes away. But for the sake of my mother who singlehandedly rescued her family of 5 siblings from poverty, I do not wish the same fate on anybody. These kind of people are hardly ever sane. They end up living with unresolved trauma for the rest of their lives.

Instead of you to reject the same mistakes that your parents made when they had children that they couldn't cater for, you are spewing nonsense about how you owe your parents and how your own children (will) owe you. I sincerely hope that your children will borrow sense when they grow up and leave you to deal with your poor choices. By the time you suffer and die in this life, in your next life you will start reasoning like a human being instead of a goat. 

Las las na to hold una prick and bress and be swearing for your children. But trust me if curses were real, many of una for don die since. You may not remember, but everytime, as a child who was just being a child, you disappointed your poverty stricken parents, they laid plenty of curses on you. Curses that they often forgot to retract by the time they had calmed down.

You will curse and swear and tire and die. And your children will finally live a life where they can write a will for their children and create a retirement plan for themselves.

HETEROSEXUAL COUPLES CAN NOW CHOOSE CIVIL PARTNERSHIP IN THE UK

Rebecca Seinfeld and Charles Keidan began their petition to legalize civil partnership for straight couples in 2016, after a law in 2014 allowed same sex couples to get married. By legalizing marriage for same sex couples, gay couples now had the option to either get married or get partnered. Hetero couple could only get married. 

Both Seinfeld and Keidan thought that the law was unfair to hetero couples, and decided to start a campaign to allow them to get partnered too. Also, they were both strongly opposed to marriage. Both feminists, they believed that marriage was a patriarchal institution that did not suit their feminist ideas.

Today, I made a post about civil partnership in one of the groups where I am a member, and I can see why Nigerians, especially the men, will not hear anything about civil partnership. The partnership is automatic, whether they like it or not. Whereas, in a marriage, the role of the husband automatically comes with patriarchal privileges. 

Among the reasons they gave for not wanting civil partnership, they mentioned:

1. Sexual promiscuity;

2. Morally bankrupt children;

3. Loss of godliness;

4. Loss of their headship.

In other words, they don't have any reasonable reason for preferring marriage to civil partnership, except their fear of losing their authority as husbands. Because the last time I checked, married people cheat, married people produce terrible children, and many married people do not believe in a god, or practice what their religion dictates. 

My opinion on formalized unions remains the same. I am not particularly interested in them, but if by chance I meet a man who wants our relationship to be registered, then civil partnership will be the only viable option. I will NEVER consider marriage now that civil partnership is legal in the UK. 

I am so ecstatic for this development. I got the news several months late because of Corona and other stuff, but damn, this is a sign that patriarchy is being slowly eroded from it root. 

Next step: make registered relationships liable to renewals.

HOW WOMEN KEEP SWALLOWING MEDIOCRITY FROM MEN

Nigerian men constantly shove mediocrity down Nigerian women's throat and women punctually swallow it.

1. The patriarchy 

The patriarchy requires the bearest minimum for a man to be considered better than a woman: be a man. He can be a baby, poor, uneducated, un refined and a scum. It doesn't matter. He will always have his respect as long as he has his penis dangling between his legs. It's not the same for a woman. Marriage alone makes a woman respectable. Her age, class, education or career doesn't do it. Even though the social contract says that men should provide and women should nurture, the men are not required to observe their own part of the deal. Women alone are expected to observe theirs. No matter what the man does or doesn't do, she must not forfeit her responsibilities. And if he does hold his own side of the bargain, he becomes a god. A good man. A catch. Women don't get rewards for all the work that they do, but they get plenty of punishment if they don't. In spite of this, they will still settle for such little because the patriarchy has promoted the idea that being with a mediocre man is better than being with none.

2. Feminism 

When a man wears the feminist tag, he immediately attracts the attention of women: feminists and non-feminists alike. The feminists feel a sense of victory. "We succeeded in converting one". And the non feminists are fascinated by this individual that has such ways with words. He doesn't speak of what women should or shouldn't do to secure a man and a home for a change, instead he's lecturing men on how to be better, to rise above mediocrity. In the eyes of a non feminist woman or of a feminist who has yet to rid herself of that "half loaf is better than none" mindset, he will appear as an exceptional being. However just a few of them are genuine. The majority of them are false. And if you look closely enough, you will see the cracks on the wall.

A. Selective feminism: he likes everything that rids him of the patriarchal weight of toxic masculinity, like being strong, manly and the provider. Now the choice of being in a relationship or being married no longer has to be accompanied with the responsibility of providing for everybody. Also, he's relieved from shame if he fails. He's a feminist man and feminism says that a woman can provide too, and men don't have to lie that they are the ones that do. There is no shame in being a bummer who lives off a woman, after all women have been living off men for centuries. Let me state that feminism does not prohibit women from living off men, but it strongly discourages it. Just like it discourages men from living off women. Adults should be self sufficient. But of course they don't care. They are not women. If a woman tries to oppress him with money, all he has to do is unleash his male privilege to reset the balance.

B. Mansplaining: telling feminists women how to fight for the cause since women are too emotional to use a logical approach. "Don't attack men." "Don't turn feminism into misandry." "Feminism is not a fight against men. It's a fight against the patriarchy." Tell me: how do you besiege a castle without harming those that guard it? And how do you convince me that you are indeed an ally when you insist on defending a guard that has just plunged a sword into my chest? 

C. Closet misogyny: any choice by a woman is valid, especially the ones that reinforce patriarchal narratives. They readily support preachings about submission, indecent dressing and visiting male humans under the excuse that "it's her choice" and "the system is bad, so we encourage women to avoid creating situations that might lead to rape." And they end it all with "I'm a feminist". 

D. Saviour Complex: they think that they are being magnanimous by joining the fight for gender equality. "Men are physically stronger and faster than women, but we accept to treat you as equal and we allow you to seek for equality."

E. Family man: he's a feminist because he has a wife and daughter. And his wife is more of a feminist than any feminist he knows. 

F. Nostalgic: the third wave feminism is just man hating. We need to return to the first wave feminism because those women knew that being a feminist didn't mean deviating from our naturally assigned roles. 

G. They are not feminists. They are pro gender equality. Feminism sounds too partisan, and he wants to make sure that men don't lose out. Because men suffer under the patriarchy too. So let's get rid of the word feminism and replace it with gender equality. 

(I am not making these up. I have seen all of them in the 15 years that I have been advocating online).

3. Crossdressing/Transwomen: 

When men decide to embrace femininity in part or in full, many of them will embrace the glamour but not the struggles. The clothes, make up and beauty. Having a vagina comes with privileges. Men are willing to give you money just to sleep with you. How lovely. Then when women complain that they'd rather not trade their pussy for money and that being a woman is tough, they are asked, "Are you saying that a man has to be well behaved before he can identify as a woman?" Except that this is not bad behaviour. This is men taking on the mantles of women and making it even harder for women to be seen as worthy of respect. They call it transphobia: the fear and disdain for transpeople. Now transphobia is a reality. It is systematic. But this particular scenario is not transphobia. This particular scenario, as it happens when men chant misandry, is transwomen (ex men) guiltripping women into swallowing mediocrity yet again. "Allow us to be mediocre. We have been through a lot already". Well guess what? Women have been through a lot too and we will not watch you as you shit on our cause. So, show some respect.

------------------

Yesterday these undercover patriarchists should have been dragged by their balls for attempting to infiltrate and pollute our noble cause with their selfish agenda. They stink so bad that even crap that has not been coated with gold is still a much better choice. They only look better, but they are far far worse. Instead the messenger was slain and they all got to rejoice.

I agree that crap is crap. And I sure won't waste any of my time to make anybody less of a crap. 

STOP MAKING MUTUAL HATRED THE BASIS FOR YOUR FRIENDSHIPS

Many of you blinded by hatred have turned yourselves into a person's personal garbage disposal.

They walk away from a friendship, you go and connect with that friend. 

They have differences with someone, you go and ally with the person. 

They cut off relations, you form ties with those relations.

They break up with a lover, you start relating with that lover.

Many of the people you relate with are all people that the person you hate has rejected. In your mind, you are winning. Because you are forming allegiances. Pathetic.

The person you hate is climbing higher and higher and you are stuck behind them picking up the dirt that they leave behind. They are getting rid of dead weights and you are picking them up weighing yourself down further.

Many of you are the reasons why your life is not moving forward. And you will never move forward until you remain a self employed garbage disposal.

FEMINISM DOESN'T PROHIBIT MARRIAGE BETWEEN A FEMINIST AND A PATRIARCHAL MAN

I read a post where a feminist wrote that she'd choose a patriarchal man over a man pretending to be a feminist, and I loved it. I didn't know who the writer was when I started reading it and finding out who it is did not change my opinion.  I agree with most of the points raised in the post.

Many men who claim to be feminists are not interested in the wellbeing of women. They just want to benefit from having a woman who doesn't mind taking on responsibilities that are typically assigned to men. They are also the ones who are obsessed with mansplaining and wanting to retain their male privilege in a movement that clearly states that there are no privileges attached to your sex.

The issue of dating a patriarchal man over a feminist man seems like a contradiction. Well because it is. Oil and water don't mix. But then, the default setting of a man who was raised in a patriarchal society is to be patriarchal. Any man who currently identifies as a feminist was a staunch supporter of the patriarchy at some point. 

I see relationships as an investment: time, emotions, resources and intellect. It's more profitable to date a patriarchal man and attempt a re-education than to date a fraud who claims to be a feminist. 

A fraud is not interested in knowing the real deal. He doesn't care. A patriarchal man might be simply ignorant, acting on what he knows best. 

Dating in Nigeria or in general is a gamble. I'd say, pick a man who is intelligent over a man who's clever. 

A man who's intelligent understands mutual benefit. A man who's clever understands self preservation. 

It's up to you to decide how much of yourself you are willing to invest.

BOOK REVIEW: FINAL UNVEILING, by HYMAR IDIBIE DAVID

My review of Hymar's "Final Unveiling".

Disclaimer: This critique is not about the content.

---------------

I received extracts from Hymar's response to his call out and decided to read through them. But I have been left unimpressed. The quality of the work is too low. Perhaps I had expected more from him because he's a published author. But honestly I was looking forward to a polished and well penned down narration that would have blown my mind.

I personally think that Hymar missed the opportunity to show off his literary skills and to write a story that was engaging and exciting. While reading through the pictures, I felt like I was reading an everyday Facebook post: parapraghs thrown here and there, disconnected thoughts and careless storytelling. 

As a professional writer, he should have done a better job. This short story should have gone through professional editing like the rest of his work since he intended to publish it and charge people for it.

A shame. He missed a great chance at enticing those of us who are yet to read any of his books; and many people hardly give a second chance.

Suggestions: He should think about giving his publication a professional touch. 

Reduce the use of vernacular, include original dialogues and raise the vocabulary.

Divide it into chapters.

Each chapter should be named after the person of interest.

The layout should follow a precise format. Introduction, allegation/response, conclusion/personal insight.

Eg: 

JOHN

Introduction: I had known John for three years. He was a great guy......

Allegation: Hymar farted in church. The fart killed John on the spot.

Response: First of all it wasn't a church. It was a house fellowship. Also John was sitting three rows behind me. My fart is not a programmed missile. 

Conclusion: the decision to involve John in this whole mess does nothing but furthermore expose the maliciousness of the prosecutor. I cared about John. I did not programme my fart to kill him.

This should be done in sequence for all the allegations you wish to answer concerning that person. A chapter might just include a single allegation vs response, it doesn't matter. Make it worthwhile with your personal input on that particular subject and nature of that accusation in the introduction and conclusion.

----------

This review is strictly for this publication, but it can be applied to any other type of defence case. Always imagine that you are in a courtroom and that you have to defend yourself against a plantiff. Your victory will lie in your ability to pick the prosecution apart, and destroy its credibility. 

Your lawyer gives an opening speech, you are called to the stand for questioning, your lawyer gives a closing speech.

Verdict: Next time, consult with a lawyer and hire an editor.

FEMINISTS DON'T SUBMIT. PERIOD.

PS: this post doesn't take the feminist stance on leadership into consideration. 

-----------

Who said that leadership is a matter of intelligence and capabilities? Who said that the smartest person has to be the one to lead? 

Well, welcome to my 101 lesson on why a leader who thinks that the smartest solution is always the best solution makes the worst leader of all time.

First of all, leadership is a combination of the head and the heart - heart is used metaphorically. In other words it's the combination of intelligence intended as reasoning and logic, and emotional intelligence intended as empathy. Any leader who lacks either of the two will lead you inevitably to your doom.

In my most intelligent moments, I have bred brilliant ideas, but they were just ideas, and in other to execute some I was forced to use people and even stomp on them. I have dragged and humiliated plenty of people on this space because that was the intelligent solution to fixing my problem. I kicked my empathy to the curb and accorded these persons no pity or understanding as long as I obtained what I wanted. 

In those particular circumstances, I could afford to act that way because it was only me. I was the only person who mattered in the whole scheme.

But let's assume that I have to think of somebody else, someone whom I care about who will suffer the consequences of my actions with me. In that case, no matter how smart my idea is, I will have to consider how its execution will affect him or her. 

Intelligence suggests solution, empathy evaluates the consequences. 

Also, do you know what people who are devoid of emotional intelligence are called? They are called psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists. Do you want to be led by any of them? I don't think so.

"Leadership is the highest form of servitude." You need to have a strong sense of self (ego) to serve, which is why majority of Nigerian men make horrible leaders. Their egos are as fragile as egg. One little bump and they break into pieces.

We are used to seeing servitude as a form of self degradation and humiliation, and because of that, most of us cannot function properly as leaders. Just like you cannot serve as a cook if you are a worse cook than the person you are serving, you cannot serve as a leader if you are less capable than the person you are leading. Otherwise, what would be the point of giving you the role? 

You will lead people to despair. You will ruin businesses and you will put people in debt. Because you are convinced that your smart idea is the best idea for everybody involved. 

Intelligence is first of all self serving. That's why you need empathy. So if you think that your smarter and more capable partner will automatically include you in the equation and curate your interests, then you are not just naive, you are also dumb. Clearly you are not even that intelligent to begin with.

LIVING ABROAD PROTECTS ME FROM SOCIAL MEDIA HATE

I was discussing with a friend about Facebook drama and how we are only connected to most of our Facebook friends through this platform. The moment we disconnect our phones, these people cease to exist, and won't have any relevance or influence in our lives. Then she told me something that exposed my privilege: "It's because you don't live in Nigeria". 

Indeed I had taken it for granted that my decision to meet or see anybody from Facebook was entirely my choice. I had never thought about the fact that, as big as Nigeria is, it's still relatively a small country, and that the chances of meeting a Facebook friend is relatively high. It goes beyond attending hang outs or responding to an invite by a Facebook friend. It's about meeting them at stores, recreational spots, offices, parties, events, etc.

I'm in the UK, and I have never met any of my Facebook friends who live here. But the reason for that is not entirely by my might. I just don't have a very dynamic lifestyle. I'm a work-home-occasional visit to my friend's kind of person. But somehow I still manage to know someone that knows someone that knows someone that I wish anybody associated with me didn't know. If I decide to live more a dynamic life, chances are that I'll start meeting some of my Facebook friends who live in the UK. 

This Facebook is realer for many of you than I like to admit. Your pictures, achievements, stories, family, and even your place of work and study are on display. 

I honestly don't give a fuck about many of the things that happen here, but the reason why I can afford to do so is because I live far far away from most of you. 

I write about my family, but you don't know who they are.

I write about my exes, but you don't know who they are.

You can see me because I let you. So yes, I can afford to laugh off the subs or unflattering references to me, since I know that they are coming from a place of assumption and projection. I can afford to be cocky and ride on the hate waves. But many of you can't.

If I ever come across as an asshole who doesn't understand the gravity of certain events, I'd like you to consider things from my perspective and know that I too am reacting from a place of projection.

This platform, for the most part, is not that serious for me. So yeah, if you hate me because of a reason that has nothing to do with a real life event, then you are OYO.

Yeah, I'm an asshole. I know.

STOP HAVING KIDS IN YOUR OLD AGE

A 68 year old woman just had twins via IVF and people are celebrating. Shioor.

No, she wasn't acting as a surrogate for someone. Those are actually her kids. And I'm assuming her husband will be around the same age, or even older.

We play too much in Nigeria.

I called the decision selfish, and people want to chop my head off. But is that decision not selflish?

Listen to their reasons:

- Young mothers die too.

- At least she became a parent. 

- Maybe they have plans to leave them with someone.

- Sarah had a baby at 90.

😂😂😂😂😂😂

This exposes the one and only true reason why Nigerians have kids. They want to be parents without having to deal with the implications of being parents. Parenthood is seen as a privilege. What again? Mothers are sacred.

Imagine someone saying that the kids could die first or some mothers die young.

Is this a joke? Are you comparing the life of a 68 year old woman to that of a 24 year old woman, just so you can justify a selfish decision?

And please tell, what are the plans? The same Nigerians that are scared shit of becoming orhpans and ending up with relatives or a stepparent are now totally cool with having that plan because "miracle birth"?

Or is it not here that women pray against a premature death that would leave their kids in the hands of a wicked stepmother?

All of a sudden:

- It's good to die and leave your infant children in the care of someone else;

- It doesn't matter if you can't take care of your kids. Just have them;

- Having a child at 68 is no longer a big deal (tomorrow them go use menopause insult woman o).

- It's OK for us to predict for a kid to die before their parents. 

😂😂😂 madness.

These two parents owe it to their children to live until the age of at least 95. Anything less, they'd have failed.

Just because you can do it doesn't mean that you have to do it.

This decision was an epic fail.

NIGERIAN CELEBRITIES ARE A DISGRACE

There is a reason why I love foreign celebrities. When one of them does or says something stupid, the others come out to shut him or her down. 

But look at Nigeria. Celebrities spew rubbish all the time but their colleagues never step up to challenge them.

Tiwa Savage said that women should accept inequality, nobody said anything. 

Okon said that prostitutes lack dignity and therefore cannot be victims of rape, nobody said anything.

Monalisa said that women cause 50% of domestic violence because they don't shut up, nobody said anything.

Yul repeated the same thing, nobody said anything. 

Tonto was dragged over and over again by her ex, nobody said anything in support when she came public with her side of the story.

Now Victoria Inyama is blaming rape on indecent dressing and no celebrity has said anything. Instead Monalisa, the airhead, and Josh2funny supported her.

Our celebrities are absolutely USELESS. No matter how successful they become, they will always wallow in poverty. What's the point of being famous if you won't use your fame to make the society better? Is this how they want to die and be remembered?

This is why people are quick to forget Nigerian celebrities the moment they stop acting or die. They made zero impact and there is no legacy to serve as their memorial. A bunch of nonentities who will fall into oblivion the moment they step out of the spotlight.

Celebrities who never give reasons for people to celebrate them. 

DEAR MOTHER IN-LAW, KEEP YOUR PAWS TO YOURSELF

I have changed my mind. 

Previously I had said that if my mother in-law slapped me, I probably wouldn't retaliate the first time. But the second time, I'd make sure to give her both slaps back.

Now, if any mother in-law was foolish enough to slap me during an argument, I'd be returning the slap right away. Since now it is clear that she's acting from a place of "I'm sacred".

A nice resounding slap will uproot her from her delusion of "untouchability" and remind her that she's just a human being who made the choice to procreate. There is nothing special about her. 

While there are women who have had children because they genuinely wanted someone to love and nurture, it would seem that many other women had children simply to give themselves importance: importance that otherwise they couldn't have acquired on their own.

These women legit believed that becoming a mother would redeem their image and give them new life. Just like old things are passed away the moment they say "I do", even their wickedness and lack of humanity would also be erased the moment they successfully bring a baby into this world. 

"I am now a mother. I have changed." Indeed.

My grandmother have 8 children, but she never showed love to any of them. And if it hadn't been for my mother, today, they would all be wallowing in poverty. 

My mother had me, but if I hadn't had a strong sense of self, I'd have ended up paying for the damages that my mother suffered in the hands of her own mother. 

I had a friend whose mother treated like a peasant, while her own brother was being treated like a god.

Because motherhood has become an avenue for damaged women to be atrocious and inhumane without ever having to face criticism.

Thankfully I have seen women on my list who are loving mothers themselves and who have also had loving mothers agree that both the child who thinks that his mother's word is law and the mother who thinks that her word is law are both damaged and unhealthy human beings.

At least you cannot say that I'm talking from a place of partiality. Because I come from a family with a history of abuse. 

To me, motherhood will never ever make any woman sacred or more important than any other woman. 

"Congratulations on your successful delivery. Now, let's go back to relating with you like I do with any other person."

And if you woman want to be worshipped and adored because you managed to do something that even dogs and goats do without demanding for an altar to be built in their honour, then there is something wrong with you. And you won't find what you are looking for, here, in my domain.

"Mothers are sacred". I think of Gbemi, Alero, Sola, Kemi, Banke, Sandra, my mother, and a host of other terrible women who are mothers, and my blood freezes.

God forbid bad thing.

MOTHER WORSHIPPING IS A PATRIARCHAL TROPE

Many feminists have not yet understood that the sacrality of mothers is nothing but yet another patriarchal narrative to furthemore reinforce the idea that a woman who doesn't fulfil the ultimate function of reproducing is useless.

It's a narrative that is also meant to fuel the competitiveness among women: "I'm a mother, so I'm automatically more important than any other woman who is not."

There are only two ways a woman can redeem herself: through marriage and reproduction, and patriarchy demands that both are mutually inclusive, as being just a woman, a wife or a mother is not enough.

So when I saw some of my friends calling themselves sacred, therefore untouchable, based on their motherhood status, I had to laugh at how they are still holding on to a patriarchal privilege that diminishes every other woman who is not a mother. 

We really need these discourses from time to time to expose our individual biases and expose the alarming number of feminists who are not yet ready to fully let go of patriarchy. 

That's why I do not think that the next generation brought up by the current one (and still mostly mothers) will perform excessively better than us. It will take at least two more generations for mothers to understand that they made a choice, and do not deserve a reward for making that choice.

"Mothers are sacred."

The kind of shit a feminist shouldn't be caught saying but still says anyway.

WHEN A VICTIM IS THE VILLAIN THAT GOT SERVED

I do not feel sorry for that married man who was bathed in acid.

Just like I do not feel sorry for any man or woman who is beaten, disfigured or murdered by a person he or she wanted to deceive, milk dry and then dump like a used sanitary pad. And by saying so, I'm no way victim blaming. Because as far as I am concerned, they are not victims. Instead they are scum of the Earth who had hoped to get away with doing something terrible to another human being, and ended up badly instead. They are the real criminals.

They are criminals who take advantage of a society that is too quick to dismiss people's pain under the cloak of self righteousness.

"Leave it to God."

"Move on."

"Forgive and let go."

There is victim blaming. When we blame the victim of a crime where the culprit had not previously suffered any emotional, mental or physical harm in the hands of the victim, then we are doing victim blaming. But in any other case we are not.

Rape a is terrible crime, but we wish rape on rapists.

Murder is a terrible crime but we wish death on rapists, terrorists and murderers.

Theft is bad too, but we don't feel sorry when looters or thieves are robbed.

We generally frown at actions that demean, debase or trample on the rights and dignity of another human being, but not when this human being is a piece of shit to begin with. 

There is legality and there is morality. Just because there isn't a law that says that certain actions are punishable does not mean that in fact those actions are not punishable. 

When you married man, hide your marital status, your fatherhood status, woo a single woman and promise her that you wish to have all of those things with her, and in return she invests time, emotions and finances - not to mention the talk with parents, friends and colleagues about you - only for her to find out that you have been lying all along, you deserve to be punished.

When you hoodrat from a poverty stricken home, hide your repulsion for man because you need him to keep paying your school fees and rent, buying your books, and feeding you and your parents, and so you accept his marriage proposal, only for you to turn around and remember, once you have earned your degree, that he is unpolished, uneducated and embarrassing to be seen with, you deserve to be punished. 

These set of people are emotional criminals. And until there is a law that actually punishes them, and I don't mean that nonsense civil law that allows you to sue an ex partner for breach of promise to marry, I mean a law that recognizes that the damages that these awful human beings cause are the equivalent to a stab or a gunshot, then I won't be caught dead telling any of these victims "You shouldn't have done what you did".

The man who was bathed in acid is not so different from a robber who got shot by the person he or she was attempting to rob.

I am a proponent of personal responsibility. Should I decide to shoot a person dead today, I'd do it without an atom of regret. And I wouldn't plead for mercy. I'd state my reasons for doing it, then I'd accept my punishment. 

So these deceivers, liars, manipulators and human wastes should accept what happened to them as one of the many shit that can happen to you when you try to fuck with people.

POVERTY OF THE MIND IS THE REAL DISEASE

What's wrong with what Halima Abubakar did?

There are people who are actually justifying what Halima did because according to them "the pikin face nor show sef". While they think that this particular fact makes her offence less ludicrous, they might want to know that the choice of the body part she decided to reveal, makes her action a symptom of a much bigger problem.

The question here is not "What is so special about this baby's hand that someone else cannot use its picture?"

The question here is "What is so special about Halima's baby's hand that she had to use someone else's picture?"

Even if the concealing was meant to protect the baby from strange spiritual attacks, can your enemy identify a baby by simply looking at its hand? A hand that has nothing remarkable about it? It's safer to assume that there is no baby at all. 

Just like Oge Okoye didn't have cute puppies. Kcee Kcee didn't make tens of thousands of dollars in a day. And Blessing Whatsherface didn't build a house. 

It's not a crime to not have. 

That's why you will be hitting your head on the wall because someone called your parents poor, until the person actually posts a picture of your parents' house. 

What does it cost you to be confident of what you have today, while working on gaining more tomorrow?

But I understand. You have to lie that you are more financially capable than you actually are since "money talks, bullshit walks". In Nigeria, money is literally everything. If someone senses that you have plenty money at your disposal, they will think twice before they act stupid towards you. 

So yes, let's forgive Halima. She is nothing but a crayfish in the condition that is Nigeria. That baby is her own way of showcasing her wealth: poor people don't have children.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Let's forgive her, like we forgave the rest. Let's fake it until me make it.

PRODIGAL PARENTS

I had a friend who liked to tell me the story of how he forgave and reconciled with this mother. His mother had abandoned him when he was still a little boy, less than five years of age. She had left leaving him and his two sisters behind. He was the middle son. His father was well to do, but a point came in his life when he had to start fending for himself. Then grace shone upon him and his maternal uncle who lived in Italy remembered him and helped to travel abroad. He first stayed with that uncle, before he moved in with his maternal aunt.

By the time he arrived in Italy, he had not seen or spoken to his mother in over 20 years. Both his sisters had also moved on with life. I do not know much about the eldest, but I know that the youngest sister had travelled to the UK, put herself through school, got married, had three children, and was now striving as a middle class woman.

Thirty years later or more, his mother finally reappeared. She reached out to him through his aunt. The aunt would tell me herself, "She didn't know how to approach him on her own", so I just told her, "Do it. D is a good person. He will forgive you". And, so she did, and so he did too.

This friend liked to tell me this story as a way of teaching me a valuable lesson: forgiveness. He wanted me to forgive my parents, the way he had forgiven his own mother. Even when I explained to him that I had forgiven my parents at some point, he didn't feel that it was enough. Because this forgiveness had to be permanent and unconditional.

I did forgive my mother. I forgave her many times. The last time I forgave her was in 2009, after we had not spoken for two years.

I did forgive my birth father, if that is the correct term to use. I mean, he had never done anything to me, but for the first 10 years of my life, he existed because my mother forced him to remain in the picture. Then he disappeared and only reappeared when I was 19, again because my mother brought him back into her life.

But there is one lesson I have learnt from my experience about parents who leave and return many many years later when you are already all grown up that my former friend never learnt: they don't change at all. The reason why they left then, is the same reason why they return later. They didn't want any responsibility then, and now that you are an adult, they won't have any responsibility after all. They come back because it is now easier for them to be in your life. In fact it is convenient. Because now, they are just in time to start reaping the privileges of being a parent.

Who feeds whom now?

Who gives whom money now?

Who calls the other for help now?

You know the answer. 

In my own case, my birth father didn't want any of my money. I didn't have to begin with. But he failed to understand that I was all grown up and I was from a different world. We don't practise gender based upbringing and pastor worshipping in my kingdom.

You are not a bad child for critiquing your parents. Being able to break your parents into their various identities: person, parent, spouse, friend, sibling, etc, will allow you to understand where they deserve praise, and where they deserve criticism. Because if you keep analyzing them under the sole block of parent, you will never see past their mistakes. In Nigeria, parents don't fail. And if they fail, it is never their fault.

I have been told countless times that my mother didn't know any better. And every single time I have refused to accept it. And the reason for that is that my mother resents her own mother for doing the same thing to her. So she knew that she was hurting me. But she still did it in the hope that I would accommodate her, just like she had learnt to accommodate her own mother; by building a house for her, taking her abroad and helping her other siblings. She still sought her mother's validation in spite of everything, and as her reward, she expected me to seek her validation. Then when I had my daughter, she would have done the same for me. That is how it is suppose to go.

Why do people end up becoming like their parents whom they loathed so much when they were much younger? 

I am not saying that this former friend will end up being like his mother. He never struck me as the kind of person who would abandon his own children. But chances are that just like his mother, he will feel entitled to his children's forgiveness. 

When a prodigal parent returns, you can decide that you do not want them as a parent anymore. And there won't be anything wrong with that. 

Parenthood is a job. If they are not fit for it, feel free to fire them.