COWARD, COWARD, DON'T DRAG US BACKWARD

The elections that took place on the 23rd of February cast a light upon the minds of the Nigerian man and woman who woke up as early as 4:00am that morning, to go and vote out the man that has been dragged Nigeria to the bottom pit of poverty.

That light revealed something to them: the system is rotten. There is no way to beat the system with the way Nigeria is currently structured.

"We need a restructuring."
"We need innovation."
"We need technology."

In the past five days I have read several posts on how this system can be broken and rebuilt. Nobody is willing to accept that for the next who knows how many years, we will be ruled by a bunch of mediocre human beings whose highest aspirations in life is to marry many wives and birth as many children as possible: children who will later be sent to the streets where they will be recruited by the latest terrorist group in town.

There is a spirit of rebellion and nobody wants to be told to shut up. Silence is not an option. This buffoonery has to end.

However, as sad as this may sound, this new Nigeria will never happen because Nigerians are cowards.

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A few minutes ago, a friend brought my attention to a post about rape. The post was written by a woman.

This woman witnessed the harassment of another woman by a group of men and did nothing.

Instead she threw blames. On the one hand she exonerated the men's actions because of their rudeness - they are street urchins, they are uneducated, they don't know what they are doing - and on the other hand she blamed the woman's harassment on her appearance - she was dressed provocatively, it was late at night, it is a rough place to live.

What this woman wanted to communicate with her post is this: if you live in a hostile environment, try and eliminate all the elements that trigger the hostility.

What I understood, instead, is this: this woman is a coward.

If an environment is hostile, it is hostile. Its hostility is objective. It does not depend on me, on you or on anybody else. It is simply what it is.

A woman's mode of dressing is never the reason why she is assaulted. Instead it is a diversion. Because even women who are not dressed provocatively are sexually assaulted. Children are assaulted. Old women are assaulted.

We use indecent dressing as a diversion because the society does not want us to see the true reasons we are being assaulted. Misogyny, vulnerability, a weak legal system and hypocrisy.

If I were that woman who wrote the post, I would have felt ashamed of myself. There is no way I could have come online to recount how I witnessed the humiliation of another human being and did nothing about it. Instead I used her ordeal as a form of consolation.

"It could have been me, but, thank God, I know my rightful place."

I am glad you know where you belong woman, a thing that exists to be seen, used, bought, but not respected.

How pathetic that a woman has accepted that her body does not belong to her, but to everybody else: to her father to sell, to her husband to abuse, to the men to touch and harass. Everybody can dictate how we should talk, walk, behave and dress.

However we can't do the same. We can't dictate to the fathers, husbands and men who dictate to us. And because you believe that you can't beat them, you join them.

We believe that if we endorse our dictators rules, that they won't come after us. Unfortunately the rules are set against us irregardless.

Remember, the environment is hostile. You didn't make it hostile, you can't make it less hostile and there is nothing you can do to protect yourself from its hostility.

The only solution you have is to destroy it.

You are not smart for pandering to your oppressors. At most you are clever. Smart people seek ways to free themselves from oppression. Clever people seeks ways to survive in spite of the oppression.

We don't need clever women. We need smart women.

When we say that the future is female, we are never talking about the former. It is always and only about the latter.

My body belongs to me. I dress it and undress it how I please.

SOCIAL MEDIA IS A BLESSING TO THE VOICELESS

You know the kind of society we live in. You know who matters and who doesn't. You are fully aware of what it means to be a man, a woman, rich, poor, old and young. You know what it is like to be religious and not religious. You know what it is like to have the support of your family and not have it. You what it is like to know people in high places and not know anybody who matters.

You know all of this, and yet you remain myopic and biased. You hear of equality and all of a sudden everybody must be judged using the same scale. Except not.

In Nigeria, men matter more than women. Brothers matter more than sisters. Husbands matter more than wives.

A man is a person who has a voice. He speaks and people listen. A man does not have to go too far or even make a lot of noise for his voice to be heard. He can be soft spoken and his words would still resonate loud and clear.

Do you know what? Scrap that.

A man is a person who does not need a voice to be heard in our society because he has everybody speaking for him. His family speaks for him. The men outside speak for him. Women outside speak for him. The pastor speaks for him. The president speaks for him. When he gets married, even his wife will speak for him.

A man has the power of a deafening silence and the echo of a million voices.

But women. What voice has a woman got? Who speaks for her? And when she speaks, who listens to her?

I won't answer this question right away because I want you to answer it on your own. I want to see if you are an honest person.

To be born a woman is to be born guilty. You are guilty of offences you have committed. You are guilty of the offences you have not committed. You are also guilty of the offences other people have or have not yet committed.

You are the scapegoat of the society. You only matter when there is a blame to be appropriated.

A woman, for the purpose she serves in the society, has not got a voice for she does not need one. And it's not because she has people to speak for her. Nobody speaks for her and nobody listens to her when she speaks. She is a nobody, an appendage, if we want to be nice.

For these reasons, when a woman runs to social media to vent, I give her the same benefit of doubt that I'd give to a woman who walked out of her marriage. She must have tried it all.

That woman must have tried to speak with her husband, who did not listen.
She must have tried to speak with his family, who did not listen.
She must have tried to speak with her own family, who did not listen.
She must have even tried to speak with her pastor, who yet again did not listen.

Eventually she comes on social media. And she finds people who are willing to listen. The families and pastors who turned a deaf ear to all her laments suddenly become attentive too.

A man has a lot of ears to speak into. He does not need social media to be heard. It is safe to say that a man who resorts to social media to air his grievances is not doing so out of distress. He is doing so out of manipulation.

Gbenro wrote it himself. He has the support of his family. For what did he need social media?

"Party", "stranger", two terms that nobody in Nigeria wants to read in the same sentence as wife or mother.

He knew what he was doing. But I will not be a fool and join his charade. Because I know better.

Social media is the biggest blessing to have happened to the most vulnerable members of our society.

Thanks to social media, female empowerment has become a daily topic, in every part of the world. Even the most conservative countries are having this discussion.

Social media has also brought forth the issue of child labour, sex trafficking, and organ harvesting. All crimes that involve children.

Social media has helped people with disabilities in certain parts of Nigeria. Now a child no longer has to crawl to his classroom, and men and women on wheelchairs can climb ramps and run errands at various business buildings.

The poor who cannot pay for their medical bills are getting funds through social media.

These are the kinds of people who deserve the benefit of doubt when they run to social media to call for help; not the ones who already have a voice of their own.

I agree that there are double standards. I agree that men can be victims of double standards. However, in this particular case, there is no double standard.

There is just this man who was not satisfied until everybody had heard him.

SOMEONE WHO CHEATS IS PROBABLY NOT A GOOD PERSON

Ever since I started researching the subjects of Character, personality and attitude, I have come to acquire sufficient knowledge in understanding behaviours and the trigger behind certain behaviours.

Last year, Bunmi wrote a post about infidelity, and how sex is more urgent as a need for men than it is for women. I believe that her point was meant to prove that indeed a man can still love a woman and cheat on her with another woman.

I didn't agree. From what I have learnt, women's sexuality has been greatly undermined and neglected for far too long, so the whole idea that women are not as sexual as men seems more of a social myth than a natural truth.

Last week, Vivian proposed her own point of view concerning infidelity and stated that sex and love are two different things, and that they are not mutually inclusive. I agree with this.

She then proceeded to say that a man or a woman can cheat, and still perform very well as a husband or a wife. I do not intend to argue this point.

Her last point was that cheating does not stop a man or woman from being a good man or a good woman.

This is the point I want to argue.

Let me just state that as far as Nigeria goes, the upbringing of a good husband or a good wife is fundamentally different from the upbringing of a good person.

Husband and wife are a role you might or might not perform in your life time, while a person is not a role. It is an identity. You are a person from the day you are born until the day you die.

How you are as a person will ultimately determine how you will relate with the rest of the world and humanity. And yes, a person can be rated in terms of good or bad.

Remember that test I proposed two weeks ago where you could rate your goodness based on a Nigerian scale and then
based on a universal scale?

Most people failed the Nigerian test, and that's fine. Your goodness does not depend on your tribe, religion, the way you dress or your attachment to culture.

Your goodness, instead, depends on the values/qualities/virtues that you possess as a human being: these values are what determine how you treat other people and also treat yourself in a way that won't pose a threat or cause hurt to other people.

The totality of those values form your character and your character ultimately forms your person.

In the universal test, I listed 25 values. I suppose that whoever marked a particular value as one they possess, does possess that value in moderate or high level.

Now let's analyse the character of someone who cheats.

First of all, let's precise that cheating does not occur in a matter of seconds. Even if the person was cheating with a prostitute, they would still have to think of patronising a prostitute, decide to patronise a prostitute, look for a prostitute and negotiate the payment. That alone is a process that takes a minimum of an hour, and I am being generous.

Nobody meets a man or a woman a minute and starts fucking him or her the next minute.

For two strangers who are acting on a mutual attraction to come together and fuck, it means that there was an encounter, an exchange of numbers, communication, sexual dialogues, amorous effusions, financial investment and time invested. They probably planned it for days, weeks or even months.

You can argue all you want that the other man or woman does not mean anything because you are the spouse, but ask yourself what the difference between what your spouse did to woo them and what your spouse did to woo you is. What did this other person say to your spouse to seduce them that you didn't say to your spouse to seduce them when you were the one courting them?

During those days, weeks or months that your spouse flirted with another person, he or she lied, sneaked around, connived, betrayed and hurt you.

That means that your spouse was dishonourable, non-compassionate, disrespectful, disloyal, dishonest, unkind, non-committed, ungenerous, unempathetic, discontent, and also lacked integrity.

If you add that they were not remorseful and tried to put the blame on you, then boom, you might be dealing with someone suffering from an antisocial personality disorder or narcissism.

Cheating, in my opinion, is not an issue that should be treated lightly. Cheating is more than often, a symptom of something more severe. It can be the symptom of a poor character or of a personality disorder.

There is something I have come to understand about people who cheat. They are not different from your regular addicts. Cheating itself is a form of addiction. People cheat as a form of escapism.

If you think cheating is not a deal breaker, you are within your rights to think so.

If you say that a cheat can still be a good person, then I beg to differ. Cheating, just like lying, stealing, bullying are all manifestations of a deep character flaw. It's never a one time thing and it's a neverending thing.

Few weeks ago, I used to say that I might not divorce if I find out that my husband has cheated, but after the research I have done in the last couple of weeks, I'm afraid that I would divorce, and fast as well.

The first thing I'd do would be to put a distance between me and that man.

Everybody has their deal breaker. Just be careful to not let what you can forgive become something that will break you.

HYPOCRISY AND PRIVILEGE

Last week, a woman came on Twitter to pour out her soul, after she had found that her boyfriend was getting married to another woman.

She was distraught and shattered. You could feel that her pain was great and deep. She wanted an explanation. Just any explanation.

"Ayo, why did you do this?"

Guess what the majority of Nigerians who read her tweets told her. They told her to let it go and move on. "Move on", they said, "the man does not owe you anything. As long as you are not married to him, he does not owe you any loyalty or commitment".

This was a man she had shared moments with. Most probably she had also had sex with him. This was a man who didn't decline an invitation to visit her mother and even eat her food in her house. This was a man she went house hunting with. This was a man she did all of these things with and more.

However, when the news broke, people expected her to just deal with it and move on with her live.

Posts were written on how women should not expect anything from a man who has not made any commitment to them. With commitment being marriage.

"If man never marry you, nor put am for mind o".

What about the woman, Titi, whom the man was getting married to? Well, Titi was getting sympathy and low key accolades.

For Titi to have been CHOSEN, Titi must have been a virtuous woman; a woman of honour and outstanding character. Most people believed that Titi was the true one deserving of love because Titi was, again, the CHOSEN one.

Yes, unless a man decides that you are good enough for marriage, you are a cheap whore. And once a man has married you,  he bestows you with privileges that will last you as long as you stay married to him.

One of the privileges dictates that the moment a woman gets married, everybody becomes accountable to her. Everybody.

Another privilege states that whatever bad behaviours and crimes she commits in the name of that marriage, she will never be held accountable.

A married woman can decide to wake up one day and call another woman "husband snatcher" and everybody will pounce on that other woman.

She can even attack this other woman. Beat her up. Strip her naked and record everything on video, and majority of people will still side with her.

"She is just trying to protect her marriage na."

Because every other woman is accountable to her by the virtue of marriage.

What about the women whom her husband is having affairs with? The mistresses, the side chicks, the lovers?

Well, these woman are evil, they are culprits. They are home wreckers. They deserve to be punished in the name of her marriage.

How ironic. The same people who say that a boyfriend does not owe you anything, are now chanting that a strange woman owes you an explanation because you are jow married.

A man who sleeps with you, spends time with you, confides in you, shares his dreams with you and plans with you, does not owe you anything.

But a strange woman who has never done of any these things with you and who might not even know of your existence owes you EVERYTHING because, you know, pesin don marry.

😂😂😂😂

See privilege, see hypocrisy.

Nigerian woman, you are mad. As in you are very very mad.

The day you realise that you are mad, that is day you will start finding a cure for your madness.

Many of the women, including feminists, who are casting stones at side chicks do not even understand that they are playing into a patriarchal narrative. They believe that they are being just because they are not exonerating the husband. They are sharing blames, which according to them is the right thing to do.

No, no. That is not right. There is no sharing of blame here.

If your boyfriend does not owe you anything, then, trust me, a stranger owes you less than nothing.

Whether she knows that your husband is married or not is irrelevant. She doesn't owe you anything. NIENTE. NADA. RIEN.

If your husband did the asking out, he is 100% at fault.
If your husband accepted her sexual advances, then he is still 100% at fault.

He can keep his eyes off other women and he can say no to other women. If he says no, they won't rape him.

YOUR HUSBAND ALWAYS HAS A CHOICE.

It takes two to tango.
One no means "no tango".

LET THAT "NO" COME FROM YOUR HUSBAND.

"My side rat experience"?

🤣🤣🤣🤣 You mean "MY DOG HUSBAND EXPERIENCE".

Rat ko, mouse ni.

ON MY LAST POST ABOUT MOTHERHOOD

Click here to read previous post.

I had planned to write this post tomorrow, just so I could achieve much of the reaction I had aimed for when I wrote my last post on motherhood, but I have been receiving comments from women who didn't see the sarcasm behind my post and felt that they had to justify their decisions to be mothers to me or to try and open my eyes to the joys of motherhood.

First of all, let me say that that post only partially reflects my opinions about motherhood and I say partially because while I do not want to be a mother, biologically or legally, my reasons for not wanting to be a mother are not the reasons I listed in my post.

My post was an attempt at flipping the script on why some women choose not to be identified as feminists despite aligning with the feminist ideology, but I guess it was so well crafted that most of the commenters failed to see my intentions.

The reasons some women dissociate themselves from the feminist tag mostly revolve around their perception of how certain women go about feminism or the concerns some women think are a priority in the feminist movement.

Let me start by saying that my last post is massive bowl of crap. Yes, it is. Just because I described a reality that affects some women after they become mothers or who chose to be mothers, it doesn't mean that the definition or expectations of motherhood are actually those ones.

My reason for not wanting to be a mother is simple: I don't want to have children.

On that post I also mentioned that I will adopt a little girl someday but still won't call myself a mother.

No, I won't adopt children either. That bit was just to highlight the silliness of my logic. It doesn't matter whether the child comes out of your vagina or you adopt it, as long as you take the child as your own, the child is your child and you are its mother.

The way a woman goes about motherhood has more to do with the way that woman is wired than with what the objective definition of motherhood is.

The reason why many of you were so quick to identify those issues I listed as normal and good reasons for me to castigate motherhood and mothers is a result of the environment you live in. Most women who were born and raised in that environment fit into those categories of mothers because that's how they have been wired to think and do.

A former classmate of mine commented on my post and used her mother as an example. My friend is Italian and Italy happens to be one of the most conservative countries when it comes to parenting and family related issues. They still have the idea of the man that provides and of the woman that takes care of the home and the children. The role of a "casalinga" (housewife) is widely accepted in the Italian culture. Italy is also one of those countries that have strongly opposed the right of gay couples to adopt children because their idea of a family is father, mother and children.

The ability to think outside the box is very essential in understanding the nuances of a situation. The realities that I mentioned in my post are true but only in relation to a particular place and people. The more we widen our area of study, the more we see the loopholes in certain arguments that on a first read, can pass as valid.

It is not true that women lose themselves after having children. It is only true in certain places because that is how those women have been brought up. And it is not true that women have children just to fulfil certain societal expectations. That also is only true in certain places.

Now, when it comes to feminism, we need to understand that there is the definition that is offered by the dictionary and the reality of the women who identify as feminists.

I always say this and I won't stop saying this: feminism as a mass ideology is still at its infancy in Nigeria and in other third world countries. A lot of times people want to compare the feminism that is being practised in Nigeria to the feminism that is being practised in the USA or in the UK and that's where they make a big mistake. The realities in these countries are so different from ours.

In Nigeria we have a reality where women are defined by how domesticated they are, their marital status and their ability to bear (male) children.

Women who live in the UK or in the States do not regularly face this kind of challenges and even when they do, they do not face it on a scale as massive as ours; and that's because their century long of struggle has resulted in laws that protect them from these types of discrimination and labels. These societies are patriarchal but their laws are egalitarian. That's why we talk about first world feminism. A lot of times, these feminists do not even need to make noise about an injustice against a woman, as the law readily steps in on its own to tackle it.

Nigeria has not yet reached that stage. We still do not have a legal system that is based on equality. Our legal system is biased towards the rich and the male population. This is not to say that poor people or women do not stand a chance of winning, but your chances become relatively higher if you are a man and if you have money.

This is the reason why we need to campaign that a woman is more than a wife and a mother.
We need to campaign that there is more to being a wife than being a house appliance and housekeeper.
We need to campaign that a woman shouldn't lose herself just because she is now a mother.

And you know what? First world feminists also campaigned for these mindsets to die out. You don't know this because, back then, we didn't have the internet, so people couldn't see all the discussions that were going on in those gatherings among women and men.

Right now the need to let the Nigerian society know that women do not belong in the kitchen is a priority. Other priorities also include the right to eat fucking gizzard, the need for women to pursue other goals that will make them useful to themselves and to the society at large (yeah, marriage is not your ultimate stop. You can go further than that) and the courage to stand against the fears the society has instilled in women and to walk out of a marriage that is not doing them any good.

Anti-feminists might make a mockery of these campaigns and call them silly and trivial but we can never win the big fights until we have won these little ones. These are the chains we need to break first, before we start aiming for a more radical change.

Too often people speak from a position of privilege. A large number of men can't empathise with women because they have never experienced that kind of situations women face on a daily basis before. The rich can't empathise with the poor and those women who were lucky enough to have been raised by parents who were gender blind actually believe that their reality is the same as every other woman's reality. Even people who reside abroad often fail to understand where someone who resides in Nigeria is coming from and that's because their day to day experiences are not the same.

Mrs Eunice Atuejide said that she is not a feminist because the feminists she sees do not want to cook and do not respect men and I won't bother wasting my time trying to explain things to her. Mrs Atuejide benefited massively from feminism. All you have to do is read her credentials. She is just like most women who have dropped the tag: privileged and lacking in sense and empathy.

If you have sense you will definitely see the reason behind #wifenotcook. And if you have sense you will also understand why being a man does not automatically make you a respectable person especially in a society where women are not deserving of respect unless they are tied to a man.

I won't stop campaigning against these "ridiculousness" because these ridiculousness have deprived Nigeria and the world of exceptional women.

Feminism has a definition but the reality I want to address will shape my orientation and my priorities. If you understand, you understand. If you don't understand, that's your problem.

At the end of the day, my victory will be every woman's victory; and that is all that matters.

Stay tuned for more flipping the script.

WHY I CAN NEVER BE A MOTHER

I grew up amidst mothers. My grandmother was a mother. My aunt was a mother. My mother was a mother and even some of her friends were mothers.

I grew up observing these women and what I saw really saddened me.

I saw women who became mothers because they got pregnant.
I saw women who became mothers because that was the next thing to do after becoming a wife.
I saw women who became mothers just to prove that they too could be mothers.
I saw women who became mothers just to hold the father of the baby down and to legitimize their marriages.

But I rarely saw women who became mothers because they had love to give, they wanted to be responsible for another human being and because they wanted a continuation in their good deeds.

I started loathing motherhood. I saw what it did to women: how it deprived them further of their identities, how it depreciated their beauties and how it simply turned them into servants whose entire lives were centred around somebody else.

Motherhood became unattractive. Motherhood became that one thing that I will never involve myself with.

How many women after becoming mothers managed to accomplish their goals?
How many women after becoming mothers managed to retain a sense of self?
How many women after becoming mothers were truly happy and never for once regretted their decisions and wished they had made a different choice?

Motherhood is not just the state of being a mother to somebody. Motherhood is a way of life that means different things to different people, some of which I abhor.

When people try to force the idea of motherhood on me, I answer: "I don't want to be a mother. Is it by force? And who is a mother? That friend of my mother's who looks tired, haggard and poor because she has to spend all her time and money looking after her kids? What does being a mother even mean?".

But you see, I love children and one day I'd love to have a young person, probably a girl, under my care. I want to give her the love that she deserves. I want to teach her the importance of thinking for herself and making her own choices. I want her to realise that the world is as mine as it is hers. I want her to grow into a strong and independent person who will carry on these teachings with a younger generation.

But then, she still wouldn't call me her mother. I'd hate to be called that word because it means many things I do not like. Children deserve love from their caretakers. They deserve to have their emotional, mental and psychological needs taken of as much as their financial needs.

I will never be a mother. Not even when I eventually adopt my baby girl.

GENDER EQUALITY IS NOT A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT

It all started with a post.

Click here to read the trigger.
Click here to read my response.

Chibuike, in an attempt to support the struggle for gender equality, came up with a post that highlighted a major difference between men and women, and based on that difference, concluded that gender equality is the right way to go, regardless of that difference. Accurate I may say, except that that wasn’t what his post said.

You see Chibuike’s post did not reflect the mindset of a person who stands for gender equality. What transpired from the post was the image of this male supremacist who thought of gender equality as something that men had to grant onto women. The tone of his entire post reeked of chauvinism and condescension.

The moment I read the title of his post, I knew I was in for something tragic. Then I saw a reference he made to Serena Williams and to how she had come to terms with the fact that it didn’t make sense to make one unique tennis tournament where women and men played against each other because male tennis players by the virtue of their sex were on an average stronger and faster than their female counterparts.

He then proceeded to say that when Serena made these declarations, she was attacked by feminists who claimed that she was being sexist and also belittling women; an attack that he couldn't prove.

Chibuike’s argument sounded logical, with a logical conclusion, but in reality it was flawed from the very beginning to the very end.

Most men and even some women, who identify as feminists, did not see how wrong that post was because Chibuike was smart enough to wrap his entire argument with a a dose of truth. It is true that men are on an average stronger and faster than women. It is also true that gender equality is the way to go. But did male domination happen by the virtue of their being the physically stronger and faster sex? And most importantly, is gender equality something men have to concede to women?

To highlight the fallacious nature of his argument, I mirrored his post and replaced gender equality with racial equality. I also wrapped my argument with some elements of truth and concluded that racial equality was something caucasians and Asians had to grant to black men because the former were the dominant races by the virtue of being to most intelligent amongst us.

Immediately some people read my write up they caught the fallacy in my argument and by consequence in the write up I had tried to mirror. But that wasn’t my actual objective.

My real objective was to point out the hypocrisy of the men who had agreed that Chibuike’s post was all layers of gold. And guess what? It worked. They said my write up was crap, which in fact was true, but they still argued that Chibuike’s write up was perfect.

There was a time I would have given men the benefit of doubt when it came to inequality of the sexes. There was a time I wouldn’t have argued that most of them didn’t even know that there was a discrimination going on since that’s how they had been used to all their lives. After all a fish doesn’t know it lives inside water since it has never set its tail on land. But are men like fish who have never set their tails on land? In this age of globalisation, when people travel around the world, when we have televisions, radios, the internet and we are constantly being updated about racial discrimination in foreign countries, religious genocides, sexual discrimination against queer people and abuse of disabled people, can men still say that they do not understand the concept of privilege?

The mistake I used to make was to think that a man who knows that he could be at the receiving end of a discrimination would know better than to treat women with that much disdain, but now I understand that human beings are vicious and that, if a man was made to feel like nothing by the virtue of his race or his sexual orientation, he might want to compensate for that lack of power by being cruel on those groups of people his own society has placed beneath him.

Men know that they are the privileged group in Nigeria. Chibuike knows that and he also knows that he is not privileged by the virtue of being physically stronger and faster than the average woman.

I won’t call Chibuike a misogynist because a misogynist believes that women are beneath men in all ramifications. But I will call Chibuike a chauvinist and that's because he still seeks gratification from knowing that he belongs to the physically stronger and faster sex and wants women to acknowledge that.

Chibuike wants to tell people why gender equality is the right way to go.
Chibuike mentions two areas in which men are better than women.
Chibuike mentions a famous woman who agrees with his point.
Chibuike then concludes that, yes gender equality is the way to go but that women should always have it in mind that men are somewhat better than women.

Does Chibuike know that there are areas in which women are better than men? Of course, he does.
Why didn’t Chibuike mention them in this post to balance his argument? Because that wouldn’t have made his conclusion logical.
And what was Chibuike’s conclusion? He concluded that gender equality is a social construct.

What is a social construct? As the expression suggests, social construct means something which requires the intervention of humans to actualize, so something artificial.

If gender equality is a social construct, does that mean that gender inequality is natural?

According to Chibuike, it is and the reason is because men are naturally stronger and faster than women.

Now we get to the crux of the matter.

Did men become the dominating sex just by the virtue of being stronger and faster? The answer is no.

Men did not become the dominating sex just by being faster and stronger. Men became the dominating sex by systematically alienating women from positions of power which consisted of stripping them of economical and political relevance.

If all it took was strength and speed to dominate, humans wouldn’t exist today, much less be the dominating species on Earth.

Humans are so weak and slow compared to other animals that they would have died out if they had not relied on their ability to think, communicate with other humans and build things. We have our physiology and opposable thumbs to thank for our existence. Think of what dolphins could build if they had human hands.

And if humans as a species could succeed in doing this, why couldn’t women also succeed in overturning patriarchy since they also possess intelligence, the ability to speak and to build things?

Just because women are physically weaker, doesn’t mean that women are coward. There is a big difference between physical weakness and cowardice. Human beings are not cowards. Women are not cowards. So, the strength and speed of men would never have been sufficient to relegate them to the background. What men did required more efforts than that.

A woman’s biggest ability is unfortunately also her biggest weakness: pregnancy.

All men had to do was take advantage of this period of a woman’s life and limit her entire existence to that.

Pregnancy is a wonderful experience. Being able to conceive, carry and give birth to another life is something extraordinary. Other female animals do this but we are humans. We are evolved. We can speak and we can be suave with words.

“Little girl, would you love to fall in love someday and be with that person for the rest of your life?” Yes, I do.
“Little girl, would you like to have children with that person, someday?” Yes, I would love to.
“Would you love your new family to live a good life?” Yes, I would.
“We are humans, we are basic, we survive by farming, we need people to work on our farms, so you and your loved one need to have as many children as possible. Do you think you can do that?” Yes, I do.

And that was how they gave women a purpose. And the rest became history.

The first step women took to bridge the gap between the sexes was to claim back their political power, so they fought for their right to vote.

The second step women took to bridge the gap between the sexes was to claim back their financial power, so they fought for their right to work and to get paid decent wages.

The third step women took to bridge the gap between the sexes was to fight for their right to be educated because better education meant better understanding of politics, access to better job opportunities and better financial status.

In this modern age, women are fighting their fourth fight to bridge the gap between the sexes and that is the fight for their reproductive rights. Women want to break away from the reproductive chain.

So it’s not about how strong or fast men are. It never was. And women are not waiting on men to give them anything. The only time women ever needed anything from men was at the very beginning when they fought for their right to vote because men alone could make that decision since men alone were in the parliament.

After that first victory, women only needed other women to understand and join the fight.

So no, gender equality is not a social construct because men had to make efforts to convince women to renounce their power in order for them to become the dominating sex.

Gender inequality is the real social construct and now it is being deconstructed through feminism. What men are witnessing is not a deviation from the natural, it is a return to our original setting, in which men and women worked together to advance as a species.

If you think I am not being factual, just think of racial inequality and tell me that white people did not make efforts to become the dominating race. Tell me that white people did not strip black people of economical and political power. Tell me that white people did not rely on manipulation and cunningness to subjugate black people.

Tell me this and I will concede that every inequality we are experiencing today is natural and that we just we have to rely on the benevolence of the people at the top of our hierarchy to be treated with dignity.

Tell me and I will stop being a feminist.

RACISM IS A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT.

This post is inspired by Doctor Chibuike's original and insightful piece on gender equality.

Click to read.

RACIAL EQUALITY

A Social Concept

According to an article published by the New York times in 1998, African Americans scored lower than European Americans on vocabulary, reading, and mathematics tests. They also scored lower on tests that claim to measure scholastic aptitude and intelligence. This gap appeared before children entered kindergarten and continued into adulthood.

This gap has narrowed since 1970, but the typical American black still scores below 75 percent of American whites on most standardized tests. On some tests the typical American black scores below more than 85 percent of whites.

The black-white gap shrinks, but just a little, when the children attend the same schools. The gap is not minimised or completely closed even when black and white kids have the same amount of schooling, are on the same family income and benefits from the same family wealth.

It would seem that something is holding back African Americans from performing as well as white Americans, even when they have the same opportunities and belong to the same socio-economical background. How do we explain that?

A global study of the average IQ of various countries across the world has consistently placed third world countries in the bottom position over the last decades. Even though the study conducted by Richard Lynn and Tatu Vanhanen, in 2002, inaccurately or intentionally, reported a false data of 67 as the average IQ of sub Saharan countries, the actual number of 87, was still significantly lower than the average value found in first world countries.

It’s important that we note that even though the methods used in evaluating intelligence and abilities are still under debate and scrutiny, it remains true that on an average developing countries have lower IQs than developed countries. Some argue that the difference is due to the lack of opportunities and infrastructures, but the study conducted in 1998 in the United States, which I reported at the beginning of this post, might suggest that given the same opportunities ad infrastructures, blacks still wouldn’t be able to perform as well as whites (or Asians). So are developing countries lagging behind because of their lower IQ or is their lower IQ a consequence of their lack of development?

Fact is that, statistically speaking, African and people of African descents are performing more poorly and are advancing at a slower pace than their Caucasians and Asian counterparts; there's absolutely no argument about that, as we have world data to prove it. A look into the many things invented by white people, the advanced technology used in Asian countries and how high their countries rank globally if we consider GDP per capita might suggest that indeed these races possess higher intelligence.

Therefore, the racial equality we often speak of, which every right-thinking human should fight for--by the way; is a SOCIAL construct. It is sad, however, that some of the people on the vanguard of that struggle don't know this, and are often deluded into thinking otherwise. Hence you see them making baseless arguments, twisting facts, and labelling things published in studies as “racist” or “belittling” to Black people.

Admitting that Caucasians and Asians are more advanced than blacks-- a statistic fact, doesn't take anything away from the movement for racial equality. Truth is that while Caucasians and Asians may be performing better than Blacks, we are all SOCIALLY equal, because we are not prejudiced or bigots who think that the richest or the most technologically and militarily advanced countries have to dominate over others. Racial equality entails equal rights, equal access to education, equal opportunities based on capabilities, and the like. And that is what matters. Any other thing is chasing shadows.

REASONS I'D DIVORCE

1. He insists that I change my name.

We should have discussed this before marriage, but if he decides to become a witch after marriage by the virtue of now being my husband and therefore my head and master, I'll divorce him and waka away.

2. He wants a piece of my assets.

Time for a divorce.

3. I lose assets in non business related transactions.

Time for a divorce. Men have been the downfall of many women.

4. He insists on having just one joint account against my advice of having a joint account plus our personal accounts.

5. He complains that I don't cook.

Time for a divorce. If the food the cook is cooking is not good enough, go and cook it by yourself.

6. I start looking less attractive.

I do not want to have children so there is no reason why my looks should depreciate all of a sudden within a few years of being married. Oga is obviously using my beauty to shine at night.

Time for a divorce.

7. He cheats on me once with an ugly woman.

8. He cheats on me twice with a beautiful woman.

9. He summons family meetings to settle disputes.
I have come to accept that patriarchy runs in the veins of even the most educated Black men, including the ones that have lived abroad and experienced racism first hand. So as far as the man is not a hardcore patriarchal prince (kings are a no no) and he's not a complete idiot, I will try my best to enlighten him and tolerate some of his misyarns. But these ones that summon family meeting where in laws will be pressing my head?

Time for a divorce.

10. Invites a pastor to settle our disputes.

If we are in Nigeria at that time, I will have both him and the pastor arrested. He, for being stupid enough to call a pastor on an Atheist and intelligent woman; the pastor because he must have collected some form of token before he embarked on this journey of lies, deceit and manipulation.

11. He insists that I go to church with him.

If they are not cooking every Sunday, don't disturb me. I need a reason to go to church and the word of God is not a reason.

12. He gets a promotion to a useless place and wants me to relocate with him.

Shey this marriage thing is forever? So you won't remain there forever. When you finish, come back and meet me. I will be here to welcome you.

13. Nags.

Time for a divorce.

Did I forget anything? 🤔 Tell me if I did, abeg.

LIES AND RUMOURS ARE ATTEMPTED LEVELLING

During my saga with the Hateful Tongue and Ugly Boy, I was used to hearing so much shit about her. Even though I wasn't part of the circle, I still knew someone who knew someone that was a member.

The people who started and spread these rumours were people who had practically nothing going on in their lives.

The majority of them were illegal immigrants, who because of their status, could not work and had to do illegal jobs to get by. They earned their money through prostitution, drugs and credit cards. Some even resorted to shoplifting and begging to feed themselves. They owed rent and could go as far as connecting their meters to someone else's just to avoid paying electricity bill (a lady did this to my mother). Most of them were gathered in one of the most impoverished estates in that city.

Those who were lucky to be legal sometimes did not a job and the ones that were legal and had jobs still struggled to make ends meet because they had to show off to other people.

At the end of the day, illegal or legal, occupied or jobless, they still came together to say shit about everybody, including members of that same group because, in spite of their differences, misery was their common denominator.

Everybody could be the object of their lies. I was, my mother was, even that same Hateful Tongue who sat with them to talk shit about me and other people was, and somehow these lies always managed to find their way to the surface.

During those three years I knew that girl, I heard all manners of shit about her. And some of that shit came from her trusted friend. But to be honest, I had no interest or business believing that rubbish. What would it add to my life to pick up the phone, call a friend and start downloading all the nasty info I heard about her that day? That shit would have been pathetic.

She, on the other hand was more than happy to listen to crap about me and spread it. She even cooked some up.

I do not believe in bringing people down to make myself look good or better. Right from time, I have always owned my shit and done my bits. An average child who grows up in Nigeria or with Nigerian parents learns to lie about him or herself and against other people from a very young age. It is a defence mechanism they learn to avoid being punished. As adults, they carry on lying to avoid harsh judgements and comments and to impress others. They inflate their achievements and they downgrade those of other people's.

People who cook up and peddle lies are children stuck in adults bodies. They haven't attain the level of confidence they should have as adults. Liars feel a sense of inadequacy, coupled with low self esteem and envy.

They see someone, they want to be like that someone, but they think or know that they can never be like that someone. Also they have to deal with people constantly praising and lauding that someone. An adult with a healthy self esteem would grow admiration and he or she would walk up to that someone and ask him or her: "I like you, I like what you are doing. Teach me how to do it."

But the messed up adults? No. They grow envious. They will sit down and talk trash about that someone. They will make it the purpose of their lives to make sure that everybody they know hates and dislikes that someone.

You see this bullshit about some dude sleeping with seven or nine women, all friends and about some of these women being related?

I know five of those women and they are all extraordinary women. They are women who are making names for themselves. They are not your average Mary and Jane. They are women who rose against all odds and became winners who are still winning.

But the people who started these rumours and those carrying them about? They are either nobodies and/or people who have had beefs with these women in the past.

It's pathetic how supposedly respectable adults can stoop so low to peddle lies just to make themselves feel better. Does your life suck that much? Are you in such a bad place where nothing is happening? How about you work on it instead of trying to throw mud at someone who is far ahead of you in life?

One thing you liars and rumour mongers need to know is that they people you hate and envy are succeeding because they do not belong in the same place as you. Their lives do not have roots where yours do. Their friends are not your friends. Their families are not your friends. If they decide that do not want to frequent those places you frequent, mingle with those friends and relatives you have managed to win over and do the things you think people have to do to be relevant, they will still be winning. Because they have made themselves relevant in the world.

You liars live in a bubble and you can only survive inside that bubble. That is where your relevance starts and ends.

You all need to get your heads out of your asses and do a mental and character evaluation because, trust me, this whole situation says more about you than it says about the people you are trying to defame.

She won't stop being a lawyer and won't be disbarred because of your lies.

She won't lose her talent, skills or customers because of your lies.

She won't stop getting roles because of your lies.

She won't lose her scholarship and be deported back to Nigeria because of your lies.

She won't lose that modelling job or her customers because of your lies.

But you, you will remain sad, empty and green as long as you keep telling those lies. You are nothing and you will remain nothing.

And this is not blind loyalty. This is being able to recognise gold amidst tons of shit. Just because these women roll with you, play with you and are all active on the same cyber space does not mean you are all playing in the same league.

You aren't and you will never be.
Las las, you all won't be all right.

IF A RELATIONSHIP WERE A COURSE

A relationship is like a full time course in Management.
- Business management
- Anger management
- Family management
- House management.

HOW TO PASS YOUR EXAM IN ANGER MANAGEMENT.
If you are watching your team play and she comes in and changes the channel to Scandal, you have three options.
- Flare up and chase her away: FAIL
- Keep calm but scold her: FAIL
- Keep quiet and take to watch on streaming: PASS
- Keep quiet, hug her and ask her why she thinks the First Lady is a frigid bitch - FIRST CLASS.

HOW TO PASS YOUR EXAM IN HOUSE MANAGEMENT.
You see his socks and boxers all over the floor.
- Flare up and insult him - FAIL. Offer sex - PASS.
- Keep calm but scold him - FAIL - Offer sex - PASS.
- Keep calm, pick up and frown - PASS. Offer sex - SECOND CLASS
- Keep calm, pick up and sing "Go down turn around pick a pair of boxers - FIRST CLASS. He will offer you sex.

ABOUT ADULTERY

I just finished watching the first season of How to Get Away With Murder. Now the protagonist Annalise Keating is a very charming and fascinating character, but damn she is a hell of a hypocrite. At some point I just couldn't sympathise with her, because her reactions were totally uncalled for.

Let's talk about adultery.

Screwing someone else when you are married is not cool. Screwing someone when you know they are married is not cool either. But if you are lucky enough to go from the mistress to the wife status, please do not think you have achieved much: you have already lost your right to complain about a future cheating by your already adulterous husband. Now, if you go on and cheat with some hunk while you are now the wife, you automatically lose the right to even feel hurt about any other cheating by your spouse. In fact when you find out, you don't force him to sleep on the couch and start acting like some holier than thou bitch. Just because you weren't caught doesn't make you any less guilty.

I always say it: If someone gets dumped so you can have a boo, you will also get dumped so someone else can get that boo. And seriously, if you cheat and he cheats, you are both scumbags and don't deserve any form of understanding from me.

This said, I still recommend the series, it is really interesting.

FUSSY DATER

I'm quite fussy as a person, so I care a lot about the appearance of the men that I mingle with. I have had a couple of guys who were not conventionally good looking but they took very good care of themselves and dressed well.

And because I care a lot about what my men look like, I also care about what the women who were once romantically linked with these men look like. It helps me evaluate them in terms of standards and character.

When one of my exes tried to come back, I couldn't look past the fact that he had been engaged for five years to a girl I didn't repute to be attractive, especially when he started dating this girl shortly after we had broken up (I was still trying to patch things up). My feelings for him died the instant I saw a picture of the girl.

This year, when I found myself again in a similar situation, I didn't take it lightly with this particular ex.

Even though we had been broken up for a couple of years, I couldn't get over him. I couldn't find a guy that passed him in level of attractiveness or chemistry so I was just stuck, hoping that we could get back together and try and work out our differences.

This year, though, I found out he was engaged. I was heart-broken but what hurt me the most was the manner in which he spoke to me. Perhaps I sound like an asshole, but a man whose fiancée looked like that should never have spoken to me with disrespect. My hatred for him and for her (there is more I won't discuss now) was instantaneous.

I have no problem with rejection. It's part of the game and, even after a no from one man, I'll still go for another man if I think he's worth it. But please, make these men dey look face. I don't subscribe to the school of "see finish". I know in what league every single one of my exes fall into and I can never compare some with others. But these niggas be tripping.

I know my worth and whether man don see me naked or not cannot displace me from my level. So when this ex failed to do something that he was supposed to do (story for another day), I hit him hard: 40% for not fulfilling his promise, 60% for disrespecting my royal swag.

Even when it comes to cheating, the woman has to be as attractive as or more attractive than I am, otherwise we are done and the guy becomes my sworn enemy for life.

That's how I roll.

Is there any other person who shares this trait with me or am I the only proud bitch in town?

DATE UP

There are valid reason why you should always date up. Date up so you are not stuck with that ex.

I have been lucky with boyfriends. Even though the relationships eventually ended, I was able to remain cordial with some of them. I'm not even worried about those I don't talk with at the moment. We can still definitely sort our ish out in future.

One thing about me is that I always date up. If I don't find a guy who is better than my ex in certain ramifications, I stay single. The longest I have been single is three years. I tried dating down once but I ended up not developing any feelings for the guys.

A couple of my exes have come back for reconciliation and it wasn't just for the sex. They wanted to settle down but I wasn't feeling them anymore.

I know people who eventually got married to an ex. My first boyfriend did. My ex's cousin did. So not every ex boyfriend just wants to bang you one last time.

Some eventually realise that things could have worked out differently given different circumstances because many things can make a relationship fail, among which:

- Incompatibility;
- Bad timing;
- Immaturity.

All of these can fall into place with time.

However it hasn't happened for me yet because by the time an ex came back, I had managed yo find someone who was better than him.

I could have been married by now but that ex wasn't the right man for me.

PEACE IS OVERRATED

There are people who believe violence is the way.

She was in an abusive relationship for 5 years. She initiated it all by slapping the guy during an argument. From there things spiralled out of control. It became the norm for him to slap her, insult her and humiliate her, even in public. She participated in the violence too by slapping him during arguments.

They broke up several times during those 5 years but she kept coming back. It's either the new guy was not giving her enough money or he wasn't the violent type that she liked.

After 5 years she finally met a richer guy but the chain of violence continued. She had a child with this new guy and even did introduction. But their relationship was short lived. No, she wasn't the one who left. He left her for reasons I don't know.

The point is this girl is comfortable with violence. Violence has always been part of her life. She was not only an active participant in her abusive relationships, she also  took advantage of her built to bully people of smaller frame.

When I read stories of abuse, I'm hardly moved. They don't touch me because I know that these women are more than often active participants. If they are not being violent towards the man in return, they are being violent to other women, their children or staff.

Check those women who treat their maids like dirt; most of them have a history of violence.

Whoever hates violence will distance themselves from violent people and from environments that trigger their violent nature.

I'm easily triggered and can react violently under provocation but I don't like it neither do I enjoy it. I don't derive pleasure from hitting or humiliating people. I hate stress and drama and in the last 5 years, I have virtually cut off every single person that brings out that side of me.

I'm not a big fan of maturity. I don't believe that one has to tolerate, accommodate and turn a blind eye to unpleasant situations for the sake of peace. If I'm not happy, I'll leave.

If you stress me, I'll cut you off.

I abhor mental disruption and I'm unforgiving towards anybody who physically harms me.

So, na who like violence go remain where violence dey.

The ones who decide to stay somewhat enjoy it. They like controlling people as much as they love being controlled.

They are not victims.
They are accomplices.

SHEPHERDS OR HUNTERS?

Soul Hunters: another name for professionals called pastors. Even though these people claim to have a vocation (latin vocatio, calling), they are more like lazy and manipulative individuals who just want to make easy money. Another word for them: scams.

Soul hunting is a very profitable business, but in this modern age, where people, especially youths, have easy access to information as well as easy interaction with other youths around the globes, except for those under strict communist and socialist government, capturing and retaining souls have become really difficult. So it becomes very common for these fraudsters, another word that is very suitable for these so called fishers of men, to throw all morals taught by their religion right through the window - sometimes they even flush them down the toilets (That's some shit) - in order to appear "tolerant" in the eyes of these youths. So, it doesn't matter if you are fornicating, aborting, committing adultery, prostituting yourself/your brother/your sister/even your dog; as a matter of fact none of your immoral acts matter. Just go to church, become a number on their presence register and of course drop a note in their offering bowl. They, soul hunters/pastors/scams/fraudsters, will say a prayer for you and mediate between you and God for a place in Heaven.

What if you don't make it to Heaven? Don't worry. You will probably meet these scams in hell with you and you will have the pleasure of watching them burn in eternity (WITH YOU).

PS: Remember to be buried with sun screen, maximum protection!!!!

WE ARE NOT DOING IT FOR YOU, MR MAN

Post a picture where you are looking all sexy and sensual.
- Ah, you are advertising yourself on facebook to find husband.

Post a picture of a meal you made
-Ah, you want to show us that you are a wife material to find husband.

Post a picture of a your skin.
- Ah, you are looking for customers who will later become your husband.

Funny thing is, it is always the ugly ones and the losers that you have never even paid attention to that will come to your post and your inbox to start preaching about modesty and keeping yourself to yourself.

Listen, ugly and stupid Nigerian man, if I want to seduce a man and prove my wife materialness, you will not even know because everything will be done behind closed doors - from my inbox to my whatsapp. This man and I will be having hot sex and you won't even know. He will be seeing pictures of more than just my laps and my cleavage on a daily basis. He will be seeing and he will be feeling. Like proper deep thrusting feeling - exploring all my internal tunnels and external orifices.

You will only get to know the day I'll post our wedding pictures and in that very moment you will understand that your ugly and dumb self never had a chance to begin with.

Women have better things to do than to be seducing some losers online. Who una likes and saliva help?

You are tripping because of a thigh picture, yet you would lick those same thighs voraciously if you are given the chance.

It's killing you that you can only see and not touch.

Stay there and be dying.

We will still post sexy pictures.
I will still post pictures of my delicacies.
And we will continue to show laps.

If you wan chook head inside computer and die, please do.

It will be one ugly and stupid Nigerian less in this world.

Dedicated all to the Chidozie Valentines, the Kingsley Osas and to all the entitled men on social media.

ABOUT COURTESY AGAIN...

Comprehension is bae.

About my post on the difference between enforced gender roles and courtesy and social etiquettes and on how we should not forget to observe them in two particular situations, people, especially men and old time haters selected the part of the post that didn't go well with them and started ranting nonsense.

Nobody had issues with the part where I wrote that women should not forgo their duties as hosts just because they do not want to reinforce the demeaning stereotype of the woman-cook. Everybody understood that. The misogynists didn't ask if men should also cook for their female guests, because I did not mention it and they were not going to shoot themselves in the foot.

There is a reason why I focused on women and it's because they are the ones that are no longer interested in observing this social etiquette to protest gender roles.

I wanted to assure them that treating your male guests right will not stop them from being feminists or make them hypocrites for protesting gender roles. Because we have said it a number of times that even men need to start observing this same social etiquette because it is not acceptable to go all the way to visit a friend or a lover and be received with an empty fridge and a dirty house.

Now the second part where I wrote about the duties of a man as a friend or a lover is what is giving misogynists a hard time. Apparently a box of chocolate and teddy bears are unbearable expenses. And yes they are asking: "What about the women?"

You didn't ask "what about the men" in the first half of my post, but you want to know about women now, abi?

You are goats.

Because your girlfriend is an independent woman, don't treat her to romantic dinners or occasional presents. Be throwing your dick in her face all the time because it's the 21st century and social etiquettes between lovers can go down the drain.

But expect the independent woman to pay restaurant bills, buy you presents and help you out financially to prove that she's invested in the relationship. I guess Buchi was right when he said men don't want modern women, but modern idiots. If you could understand the first part of my post without problems, then I'll take it that you are just an idiot with selective comprehension skills. And I nor get una time.

And as for the okponu that wants to justify her inability to operate a generator or her parassitical lifestyle, stay there and be continuing. Shey na teddy bear money you go use take buy car? So when next your boyfriend does something cute for you, go and sell the flowers, ice-cream or any other treats that even high school students can afford and use the money to pay your rent.

 Mscheeew

THESE FEMALE CELEBRITIES SHOULD KEEP THEIR OPINIONS TO THEMSELVES

Una see this thing wey dem dey call freedom of expression, e nor mean say anything wey dey for una mind, una go just talk am anyhow.

There are things you don't say out because the implication of saying those things will be too high for the person who said it as well as for the person or group they are referring to.

When a celebrity comes out and says something stupid it echoes and travels far. It resonates and damages the reputation of well meaning activists.

In America for example, there are many black people who have resigned to their fate and have accepted racism as the norm but their mama and papa nor born them well make them come public come talk am. Them wan die?

But here in Nigeria, these famous she-goats will be misyarning anyway in the name of my opinion. Fuck them and their opinions.

Tiwa has some nerves considering that she's married to one of the most useless individuals out there. If she thinks of herelf as an earthworm for her to consider that lying, cheating, stealing and abusive husband of hers as her head, she should keep it to herself. Why would she come out to tell other women to settle for and submit to worthless fuck boys?

"I know the system is unfair, I know the society is unfair, but women just have to accept it."

Tiwa, you are an idiot.

I know that gender equality is still an infant in Nigeria and that it's going to take time for it to become an every day topic but people need to apply common sense.

I'm off to IG now. I have a couple of fights I need to go and finish. Don't wish me good luck. Instead pray for the person I'm fighting with.  Yes, Tiwa join.

She will feel my wrath "all over" her body.

ALPHAS AND BETAS

Unlike what most Nigerians think, submissiveness is not a female trait but a human trait and both men and women can possess it.

There are submissive men and there are submissive women. These people generally lack leadership skills and are constantly seeking validation from friends, family, lovers, colleagues or even strangers. They are unable to act autonomously and lack a sense of individuality. They are always in and out of relationships and most of their friendships serve the purpose of instilling them with confidence which they lack as the result of being naturally timid.

Then there are the alphas. Alphas are men and women who possess a very strong personality and presence. They are able to pull the crowd and create very strong bonds with other people. Because of their autonomy and strong sense of individuality, people are easily drawn to them as well as having a lot of trust in them.

When we look at history we will find a lot of alpha males but very few alpha females. Why?

Well, that's because alpha females are not beneficial to patriarchy. They are too strong to control and can easily revolt and overturn the status quo. That's the reason why women are groomed to be submissive.

What happened to those women who managed to remain untamed? Well, that's an easy question. In history, they were almost completely erased. As for modern times, look at the country where you live. What happens to women who have strong personalities, are assertive and unwilling to bend to unprofitable social demands?

I got into a lot of fights, both online and offline - and I lived in the West. Alpha women that live in Nigeria go through worse. They suffer marginalisation, discrimination and deprivation. They can even suffer violence and get killed.

You don't have much choice if you are a woman in Nigeria. No matter how high you have managed to reach, as a woman you must submit to a man, no matter how basic and mediocre he is.

Do you know how many times I have been told to "come down" for them, with them being men? Because it is a general belief that being submissive is a female prerogative and that there is something fundamentally wrong with women who don't submit.

But that's false. Men can be submissive too. Even as patriarchal as Nigeria is, there are men who still rely on other people to make decisions. These men, when they are in relationship, are then expected to suddenly grow the confidence to "lead" a woman even though they do not possess any sort of leadership skills. What happens when such man fails to earn the trust of his partner? He becomes frustrated and resorts to physical and emotional blackmail to subdue her.

He will quote the Bible, mention culture and bully her into submission. However the truth remains that he lacks the alpha gene.

Feminism is bae. Feminism has triggered the awakening of many Nigerian alpha females who had undergone grooming and become dorment.

These women respond of and to themselves and they do not make excuses for men. The devil, side chicks, unruly in-laws, intrusive relations don't stand a chance in these women's lives. Even when they lose, they win.

That is what alphas do: men and women alike.
Leadership has never been and will never be about the sex of a person.

GENDER EQUALITY AIMS AT DISMANTLING GENDER ROLES

They say they are feminists, but also claim that "Gender equality has nothing to do with gender roles".

So what has it got to do? With lemons? Because I didn't know that gender equality was here to teach us how to sow, reap, sell and eat lemon.

People be saying shit just to sound politically correct all the time. We get it: you want to sound progressive to intellectuals and earn their respect, yet conservative to your beer parlour and salon mates because you need that weekly get together, so you say shit like: "Men and women are equal before God but God made man the head over the woman".

Awww. You are so cute. You don't want to hurt men's feeling. I am sure that Victor and Hassino will think of you as humble and respectful.

But let me loosen your jaw and let it smash into tens of pieces on the floor.

1. Gender equality is about gender roles. For a man to come out and claim ownsership of the world, he has already obtained ownership of the house he lives.

2. God and gender equality are antithetical. Don't stress your head to look for verses that say men and women are equal, because they always come with a comma. We are not fighting for hypothetical equality. We want it to be categorical.

3. What happens in people's marriages can become our business. Marriage is a private affair until you notice shrunken men and women, bruises and self-destructive behaviours. Then it becomes a humanity and humanitarian affair.

If you are a diplomat, this cause is not for you.
We don't have extreme feminists, like we don't have moderate patriarchists. Once you drift away from the cause, you become a snail without its shell: a slug.

You don't want to be called a slug, then stop putting commas where they don't belong.

Thank you.

NA DEM!

I don't have issues with feminists, I have issues with the bitter misandrists that have hijacked it.

I don't have issues with feminism, I have issues with the way it's being practised.

I don't have issues with feminists, my mother and wife are feminists.

I don't have issues with feminism as long as they keep it out of the home.

I don't have issues with feminism, I have issues with the lesbians that have hijacked it and are turning other girls into lesbians.

I don't have issues with feminism, I just have issues with women challenging God's order of things.

I don't have issues with feminism, I just have issues with them blaming men for things they can't control.

I don't have issues with feminists but how many of them are happily married or even married?

I don't have issues with feminists but why is Chimamanda even married and having children? She should have stayed single.

I don't have issues with feminists. I just don't like what they say and how they say it.

I don't have issues with feminists but I have issues with how they turn every woman issue into a woman issue.

I don't have issue with feminists but why aren't they building houses and paying school fees for women in distress?

I don't have issues with feminists but why do they fight with other women?

I don't have issues with feminists, I hate that they are not trying hard enough to overthrow the government and liberate women for real.

I don't have issues with feminism but what's their beef with our cultures? They protect women from becoming lesbians and prostitutes.

I don't have issues with feminism but a gender equality bill? For what and why? Most women are happy and satisfied with their lives.

I don't have issues with feminists but are they ready to start paying for dates and groom prices like those women in India?

I don't have issues with feminism but their fight is anti-nature. Nature favours patriarchy.

I don't have issues with feminism, but why not just call it humanism? Why must it about the female?

I don't have issues with feminism. I mean, I believe in gender equality. I'm not just a feminist.

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

A WOMAN MUST COOK

I'm a single woman who lives on her own. Whenever I'm asked what I eat I simply say anything that is easy and fast to cook because I have a busy schedule. Then they ask me if I cook Nigerian dishes. I answer no. It's just me so there is no point cooking all that stuff if at the end of the day I'm gonna throw it away.

Then the nonsense resounds: "But you are a woman. You are supposed to cook".

For who? I don't know.

My ex's mother decided that I couldn't cook because I refused to stay in the kitchen with her and play the good daughter in-law. Months later she would eat a delicious ogbono soup made by me and give all credits to her son. 😢

A man once questioned my right to enjoy a delicious hamburger because, according to him, places like that (a fast food joint) are only meant for people like him. 😑

I have this friend who used to ask me to come and cook for him at least once a week. After telling him off several times, even aggressively, he got the message. Now he cooks the two recipes I taught him by himself but never fails to remind me that I'm not a better person. Like say I be better person (woman) I for come him house come cook for am. 😡

I enjoy cooking (occasionally). Recently I embarked on an experiment to cook all the types of soup I can think of. Now I'm super excited and literally can't wait for weekends to arrive. However after this experiment is concluded, cooking will become a boring task to me again and I'll be back to my noodles and pasta.

I don't know how it happened that all my worth has been reduced to how good of a cook I am. I could swear I had other qualities like being smart, funny, sassy, cute and so much more, but all that everyone sees is: "You fit cook sef?"

Where did I go wrong? Should I stock my fridge with food I'll never be able to eat all by myself just to prove that I'm a good woman and eigible for marriage?

What do I do? 😣

Aaaah. I yam tired. 😥

NO TIME FOR PRAYERS

I don't pray. I haven't prayed in years and I won't start praying now.

I didn't pray for my mother to change.
I have never prayed for any of my friends or lover to change.
I won't pray for any man to change.

Listen, Mr Man. Some of us have better things to do with their time than pray. I, for example, would rather sleep, watch TV or just space out than pray.

Prayer is futile to me. As far as I'm concerned it's a colossal waste of time.

What I believe in is actions.
If you hit me, I will retaliate.

I'm not nice. I'm not sweet. I'm simply principled. My two rules are self preservation and empathy.

If you are a threat to me, I'll cut you off.
If you are cunt to me, I'll first use you to mop the floor, then I'll cut you off.

People expect too much, even those that give very little to nothing.

You want me to pray for you?
You are mad.

Why would you put me in the position to have to pray for you? In fact why are you not praying for yourself?

I should pray for your respect?
I should pray for your compassion?
I should pray for your love?

So what? So that I can prove that I'm a good person, a good woman and a good wife (to be)?

Joker, waka.
In fact, joko sibe and be praying for yourself.

People wey nor get anything to offer go dey ask for prayers.

No prayers will be wasted on any player who thinks two can never play that game.

HOW I KNEW CHRIS ATTOH SCREWED UP HIS MARRIAGE

You know when they say: "Always listen to both sides of the story before you judge"; well, I needn't. After listening to Chris Attoh's interview on Instagram, I have no atom of doubt that he is the reason why his marriage ended.

Chris screwed up and Damilola refused to put up with him.

I have spent less than three decades on Earth, but I have been through quite a lot and, if I have learned anything from my past experiences, it is that the people who go about demanding for forgiveness and respect, have definitely done something that does not warrant forgiveness and respect.

On a good day for a typical African man like Chris, who likes to remember the Bible only when it's convenient for him, his declaration would have been met with sympathy from every man and almost every woman on the dark continent. However, Chris chose a bad day to make those remarks and the days will continue to be bad, I'm afraid.

There is an awakening going on and it's calling for every woman to stand up and assume the position. Chin up! Stop being a beta: it's time to be an alpha.

I had my suspicions that Damilola was an alpha female. Chris's interview simply confirmed them.

Not too long ago, men and women would have been calling for Damilola's head and demanding that she goes back and begs her husband for forgiveness.

Now, instead, we are in a generation where there are many women and a fewer men who read Joro's, Mamalette, BOM, Stella's, Amanda's and other relationship related pages, who screengrab the most ludicrous stories, who post them on their Facebook walls and who laugh at them. I am one of them. We laugh at the woman who desperately wants to earn herself the appellation of a "wise and virtuous woman" and of the man who wants to be seen as a "man". Because as far as their understanding goes, it's a man's birthright to misbehave, while it's a woman's duty to forgive.

Comments are not exempted from criticism.

Among the comments we scout for the single ladies who are willing to throw their dignity into the gutters for some dicknity. We scout for the married women who are looking to validate their marital lives - so full of sorrow and so devoid of joy. And finally we scout for the men who are seeking justification for their misdeeds.

All these people face harsh backlash and a lot of derision.

We are a minority compared to the general African populace, but we laugh out really loud. Our laughter is so loud that we have managed to gain recognition, as well as the blame for everything that is going wrong in Africa.

Right now Chris, we are also laughing at you. Why did you have to shoot yourself in the foot? Couldn't you just shut up?

Are you suffering from TPS, ED or BC? Get help. But don't come out to embarrass yourself like that again.

You will always be fine, trust me, but, damn it, why did you have to be so dumb too?

IF HE'S NOT WORTHY OF PRAISE, DON'T PRAISE HIM.

Someone wrote about women who shower their husbands with praises even when the man stinks more than a camel's butthole, and I'd like to add my two cents.

I remember when I was going through all that shit with my mother. The advice I got from her family, her friends and her pastor was to always praise her in public and tell how much of a good mother she was. I was supposed to lie that our relationship was great and that if I didn't, people would see me as a bad daughter.

And that was because in a social hierarchy, the subordinate bears the brunt of every situation.

As a wife, if you complain of your husband, you will get the blame for not trying hard enough. Because men don't treat good women wrongly. If your husband is not doing you right, you must have done something to deserve it.

As a child, if your parents are not loving you like they should, it means you are a bad child.

Social hierarchy sucks but like I have mentioned in an earlier post, the power it holds is illusory.

After all said and done, I refused to lie. I was hated for it and earned myself a terrible reputation but where are these people today? What roles are they playing in my life?

I pay my rent.
I feed myself.
I clothe myself.
I treat myself.

And most importantly, their hatred is nothing compared to the love I have for myself.

Self love is da bomb.

Self love helped me to jump back on my feet after the horrible betrayal I suffered a few months ago.

Self love might not be common sense because it's selfish and it tells you to always put yourself first, but trust me, a little senselessness now and then won't hurt you.

If you talk say your husband na wash, wetin go happen?

Proud mother/wife on your Instagram bio, yet no trace of his marital/fatherhood status on his.

WHO OWNS THE BABY?

Who owns the baby?

"The father, of course. If I insert my card in an ATM and cash comes out, who owns the cash?"

Flawed argument.

Supposedly the man is a card and the woman an ATM, a baby is not the result of an equivalent exchange.

The woman actually adds 50% of its final value.

So the correct argument would be: 'If I insert a card into an ATM, select a certain amount and the ATM gives me back double of the amount, would that money be entirely mine?"

Obviously the answer is no.

I believe at this point we all have basic knowledge of Biology. These kinds of stupid arguments shouldn't exist anymore.

Another stupid analogy? A key that can open every lock or a lock that can be opened by every key?

Why are men bent on debasing women and their sexuality?

FEMINIST LOVE BAM 😎

"A break up can leave me angry but never hungry".

Relationships are not job opportunities.
Relationships are not a proof of identity.
Relationships are not meant to validate you.
Relationships begins with loving or with the possibility of loving, rather than of being loved.

Feminists are fools in love. For the fact that we do not seek things that are not indispensable and that we already have on our own, we end up caring for the very essence of the relationship: the other person.

It's all about their smile.
It's all about their mind.
It's all about how we manage to agree to disagree.
It's all about them and little about us.

And when this love lasts, it becomes life and it becomes joy.

But when the love finishes, we hurt.
Feminists hurt like fools when a break up happens.

Because it won't be about finding another rich guy/girl.
It won't be about finding another good cook.
It won't be about finding another sexmate.

It's always going to be about finding another them. However we know that people might be indispensable, even replaceable, but they can never be interchangeable.

Our stomachs will be full.
Our hair will be impeccable.
Our clothes will be on point.
And every other thing will go just fine.

Because we are feminists and we've always got all those things together.

But our mind will be divided and the part that misses them will be helpless for a very long time.

We loved the core because we loved the person.
And the love is pure because it was all just for the sake of loving.

This is my version of love.
This is my feminist love.

#womenworldwide
#FeministLoveIsTrueLove

I'M SHAMELESS ABOUT HOW I LOVE

Written, July 2017

Someone, right now, is trying to shame me for loving  a man who hasn't been mine in a long time. He wants me to cower and admit I'm wrong for hoping. Sorry bro, but this feminist is not giving in to your silly and unintelligent logic. Your trials are just as futile as your efforts to unsay the said and undo the done.

I don't care for love but I love that I can love and I love that I can love like I love even more. It's a privilege that not everybody has, like the person trying to suppress my beautiful ability.

What can a serial adulterer know about love? What does a man who can't see a woman without feeling the need to sleep with her know about love? What does a misogynist know about love?

Kingsley dear, you are turning forty this year and you know what they say about fools who have managed to make it this far. It's too late for you to become a human being worthy of any respect and kindness because the poverty that has eaten deep into your mind and your thoughts won't let you see the beauty of a selfless love like mine;  rather you want to ridicule it because making a mockery of my romantic naivety will make your lies appear to be true. Well, let me tell you this: I'm proud of that naivety so allow me to be a fool in peace. 😂

I worked hard to be able to love like this. I don't want to go back to those days when I'd hold my emotions prisoner for the fear of being hurt and perceived as weak. To hold back is to lose and to lose is to deprive oneself of such a wonderful experience.

And as for that man who feels big telling me things I already know just because he feels he can, I just have a few words. You are not blunt or straightforward but just callous and, quite frankly, stupid. People like you who are so quick to speak their minds are also the type who don't take it lightly to retaliation. If a mere "go to hell" could make you hang up and retreat for a year, I wonder what the words I have in mind for you right now would do. But no matter how hard you try, I won't let you cloud these beautiful days with your disrespectful negativity.

"You dey find wetin dey my mouth but nor be for my mouth you go hear."

Because of the life I have envisioned for myself and the service I have decided to render to humanity, I won't allow anger and resentment earn me a bitter and adverse soul. Everyone must join me to celebrate my victories. 😉

Misogyny is a curse, but the ignorance behind it is the real bastard. This strong woman, however, won't let it bother her.

Let me love until I can't love anymore. Nobody can deprive me of this experience because it is my right. I have earned it and I'm keeping it. And if bothers you so much, let me ask you, IS IT YOUR LOVE?

😂😂😂 This feminist loves hard. She lingers but she always arrives at the finish line where she closes the chapter and walks away perhaps to start another race. Like I said, I don't care for love but if it comes I won't reject it either.

My love is pure. My love is raw.
#WomenWorldwide
#FeministLoveIsTrueLove

FEMINISM MUST BECOME INSTITUTIONAL

In March 2017, I wrote a post about infiltrating feminism into the system as a way to start reshaping the country. We can talk from now till we die but as long as there are still laws that discriminate against women, we won't do much to escape our life as cooks, cleaners and breeders without suffering debilitating social repercussions.

I happen to live in the UK and this country is regulated in a way that I can decide that I won't be that woman society expects of me and I won't lose out on anything.

- If a landlord denies me rent because of my gender, I can sue them.
- If my husband rapes me, I can have him arrested.
- If my husband denies me access to my kid, I can sue him.
- If at any time anybody calls me derogatory words because of my gender, I can sue them.
- Nobody will mock me for not having kids unless they want to pay me thousands of pounds in emotional damages.
- No man can throw me out of the house unless he wants to lose that house.
- No man can boldy say he paid for my head unless he wants to go and tell a judge why he's a modern day slave master.
- If I'm raped nobody asks me why I was there and why I was wearing that.
- Domestic violence is a public issue.
- Protect your rapist family and you are considered an accomplice.
- Silence a rape child victim and you lose custody.

I can be who I want to be and say what I want to say because I am protected by the system.

Right now, women in Nigeria are not protected by the system. We need to work on the system. The system is wrong. The system needs to be changed and we can only do it through politics because the system is politics. Laws are politics and politics will give us all that we need to be whoever we want to be.

In Nigeria, there is too much to lose by not being the kind of woman society wants you to be and that is not acceptable.

My proposal still stands. Hopefully there are people out there who think the same as me.

4 TYPES OF MALE PRIVILEGED MOFOS

1. The system is unfair and even though I benefit greatly from it, I want a change so that everybody can have equal opportunities and fair treatment.

2. The system is unfair but I'm part of the privileged group so I would like us to keep it like that.

3. Even the privileged ones experience inequality. Why aren't you activists fighting for us too?

4. Nothing is wrong with the system. God created the world so everything is fine the way it is.

------------------

Benedetta that woman with whom you argued belongs to the third category. She knows the system is unfair to a great many but because she has experienced a situation that could be likened in a different country, she expects you to sympathise with her as much as you would sympathise with people in the same situation as yours.

Funny enough her type never recognises their disadvantages until someone else talks about their own. They are absolutely awful people.

As a feminist I see them all the time. Men who cry foul only when women's issues are being discussed. You will never read any posts by them discussing these woes men go through but they are on every thread about women to derail and cry about their problems.

Type 2 is an asshole and type 4 is an ignorant mofo, but type 3, they are demons.

That woman is a demon. Leave her be and if you can block her. She will never change. She's the worst type of privileged motherfucker you will ever meet.

ABORTION AND EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL

"Every child has a right to life".
The life of the mother matters more than that of the foetus. She's a human being with a will and that will must be respected.

"Abortion kills".
Then stop going to quacks.

"Abortion can render you infertile".
Again, stop going to quacks.

"Abortion is murder".
I want to see how a 6 week embryo can survive on its own. Shey na person?

"Abortion is a sin"
Your religion is none of my business.

"That child could be the next president".
There are other (living) people who are equally qualified.

"Abortion leaves the woman traumatised"
No, that's just bullshit.

"Think of those who can't have children".
I don't live for other people.

"If you don't want the baby, give it up for adoption".
I'm sorry but I'm not putting myself through 9 months of whatever for a baby I don't want.

"What if that's the only child you can have?"
Thank goodness for science.

Any more blackmails you can think of?
BRING 'EM ON!