I grew up amidst mothers. My grandmother was a mother. My aunt was a mother. My mother was a mother and even some of her friends were mothers.
I grew up observing these women and what I saw really saddened me.
I saw women who became mothers because they got pregnant.
I saw women who became mothers because that was the next thing to do after becoming a wife.
I saw women who became mothers just to prove that they too could be mothers.
I saw women who became mothers just to hold the father of the baby down and to legitimize their marriages.
But I rarely saw women who became mothers because they had love to give, they wanted to be responsible for another human being and because they wanted a continuation in their good deeds.
I started loathing motherhood. I saw what it did to women: how it deprived them further of their identities, how it depreciated their beauties and how it simply turned them into servants whose entire lives were centred around somebody else.
Motherhood became unattractive. Motherhood became that one thing that I will never involve myself with.
How many women after becoming mothers managed to accomplish their goals?
How many women after becoming mothers managed to retain a sense of self?
How many women after becoming mothers were truly happy and never for once regretted their decisions and wished they had made a different choice?
Motherhood is not just the state of being a mother to somebody. Motherhood is a way of life that means different things to different people, some of which I abhor.
When people try to force the idea of motherhood on me, I answer: "I don't want to be a mother. Is it by force? And who is a mother? That friend of my mother's who looks tired, haggard and poor because she has to spend all her time and money looking after her kids? What does being a mother even mean?".
But you see, I love children and one day I'd love to have a young person, probably a girl, under my care. I want to give her the love that she deserves. I want to teach her the importance of thinking for herself and making her own choices. I want her to realise that the world is as mine as it is hers. I want her to grow into a strong and independent person who will carry on these teachings with a younger generation.
But then, she still wouldn't call me her mother. I'd hate to be called that word because it means many things I do not like. Children deserve love from their caretakers. They deserve to have their emotional, mental and psychological needs taken of as much as their financial needs.
I will never be a mother. Not even when I eventually adopt my baby girl.
I grew up observing these women and what I saw really saddened me.
I saw women who became mothers because they got pregnant.
I saw women who became mothers because that was the next thing to do after becoming a wife.
I saw women who became mothers just to prove that they too could be mothers.
I saw women who became mothers just to hold the father of the baby down and to legitimize their marriages.
But I rarely saw women who became mothers because they had love to give, they wanted to be responsible for another human being and because they wanted a continuation in their good deeds.
I started loathing motherhood. I saw what it did to women: how it deprived them further of their identities, how it depreciated their beauties and how it simply turned them into servants whose entire lives were centred around somebody else.
Motherhood became unattractive. Motherhood became that one thing that I will never involve myself with.
How many women after becoming mothers managed to accomplish their goals?
How many women after becoming mothers managed to retain a sense of self?
How many women after becoming mothers were truly happy and never for once regretted their decisions and wished they had made a different choice?
Motherhood is not just the state of being a mother to somebody. Motherhood is a way of life that means different things to different people, some of which I abhor.
When people try to force the idea of motherhood on me, I answer: "I don't want to be a mother. Is it by force? And who is a mother? That friend of my mother's who looks tired, haggard and poor because she has to spend all her time and money looking after her kids? What does being a mother even mean?".
But you see, I love children and one day I'd love to have a young person, probably a girl, under my care. I want to give her the love that she deserves. I want to teach her the importance of thinking for herself and making her own choices. I want her to realise that the world is as mine as it is hers. I want her to grow into a strong and independent person who will carry on these teachings with a younger generation.
But then, she still wouldn't call me her mother. I'd hate to be called that word because it means many things I do not like. Children deserve love from their caretakers. They deserve to have their emotional, mental and psychological needs taken of as much as their financial needs.
I will never be a mother. Not even when I eventually adopt my baby girl.
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