I used to have two facebook accounts. On one I kept those Nigerians I know from italy. I have some very good friends there but because of their own friends I decided they were better off in a secondary profile. I met some of them through a church and, while some are still very loyal to the church, some others no longer care; I have drifted completely because of all the shit that went down there.
One day I wrote a post where I called out the leaders of the church to come out and offer apologies to some of us, me included. We are all girls and for years we were victims of all sorts of abuse which were promptly swept under the carpet as to avoid dramas and tarnishing the church's image.
No one commented on the post out of the fear of being noticed but a couple of friends wrote me through other platforms to talk about it. One told me I sounded bitter and that I should let it go: that I no longer lived in Italy and they couldn't throw their shit at me anymore (this is like a sister to me. The other said I should think of the pastors daughter who happens to be a friend: how she would feel reading a post that lashes out against her parents).
As for the one who said I should let it go I let her know that it is wrong to silent the victim of abuse. You don't tell someone who has been offended, hurt and abused to let it go. You vilify their pain and mortify their person. You make their sufferings seem not worth mentioning and yes, you shame them. By shaming the victim you empower the abuser. The abuser will eventually believe they were right after all because no one came out to confront them. She apologised. I could have gone personal with her but I knew I'd hurt her. She had hurt me by telling me that I sounded bitter and that I should let it go but I guess going down on her personal issues with that same church would have been too much of a retaliation. I don't blame her either. She's obviously advising me the way she has been advised: let it go and move on.
As for the other who said I should think of the daughter I simply said my post has nothing to do with her. If I had wanted I could have included her but I didn't. I was only interested in those of us who were shamed. I couldn't be so petty to pick on a girl 6 years my junior just to get to her parents. I'm not criticising them as parents. My criticism was triggered by what I believe is their incompetent and biased conduct.
I know my post will get the wrong attention. Other people will also think I'm bitter and others will agree with my friend that I'm hurting a little girl but I don't care. I won't be part of a culture that silences victims and shames them. Those pastors had to know: make them nor look my face again because me nor go look their own.
Chikena.
One day I wrote a post where I called out the leaders of the church to come out and offer apologies to some of us, me included. We are all girls and for years we were victims of all sorts of abuse which were promptly swept under the carpet as to avoid dramas and tarnishing the church's image.
No one commented on the post out of the fear of being noticed but a couple of friends wrote me through other platforms to talk about it. One told me I sounded bitter and that I should let it go: that I no longer lived in Italy and they couldn't throw their shit at me anymore (this is like a sister to me. The other said I should think of the pastors daughter who happens to be a friend: how she would feel reading a post that lashes out against her parents).
As for the one who said I should let it go I let her know that it is wrong to silent the victim of abuse. You don't tell someone who has been offended, hurt and abused to let it go. You vilify their pain and mortify their person. You make their sufferings seem not worth mentioning and yes, you shame them. By shaming the victim you empower the abuser. The abuser will eventually believe they were right after all because no one came out to confront them. She apologised. I could have gone personal with her but I knew I'd hurt her. She had hurt me by telling me that I sounded bitter and that I should let it go but I guess going down on her personal issues with that same church would have been too much of a retaliation. I don't blame her either. She's obviously advising me the way she has been advised: let it go and move on.
As for the other who said I should think of the daughter I simply said my post has nothing to do with her. If I had wanted I could have included her but I didn't. I was only interested in those of us who were shamed. I couldn't be so petty to pick on a girl 6 years my junior just to get to her parents. I'm not criticising them as parents. My criticism was triggered by what I believe is their incompetent and biased conduct.
I know my post will get the wrong attention. Other people will also think I'm bitter and others will agree with my friend that I'm hurting a little girl but I don't care. I won't be part of a culture that silences victims and shames them. Those pastors had to know: make them nor look my face again because me nor go look their own.
Chikena.
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