TRAVELLING FROM ITALY TO THE UK IN AUGUST 2021

The story of my super stressful trip back to the UK.

I had wanted to leave Italy since March, and I thought I could do so right after my first vaccine. However, bureaucracy got in the way and I was forced to stay back for my second vaccine. Then after I had been fully vaccinated, my departure became a matter of funds. I have done a couple of jobs, but no money will be coming in until the 19th. Did I want to wait until then?

I remembered the argument I had with my dad and the unpleasant things that he had said to me. I wanted to leave. Ironically, my dad would be the same person to make my trip back to the UK possible. In his words, "People say stuff they don't mean when they are angry".

If I must be truthful, my move was sudden. I gave myself just a couple of days to pack. As soon as the money my dad had sent dropped in my account, I purchased a ticket for three days later. I had started packing my bags in June, but I was nowhere close to reaching the final version of my luggage.

Yesterday, I woke up at 6am and, because I couldn't sleep, I started arranging my stuff. I finally decided to let go of my equipment and buy new ones in a few weeks. I still struggled to stay within the 20Kg allowed to me, but I eventually did. Or so I had thought. I had to move stuff around at the airport. Luckily, I didn't disappoint my friend who has been waiting for her extensions since last year.

The journey to the airport was smooth. Even though I had only slept 4 hours that night. I had been giddy knowing that I was about to get back on track. I have stuff to do and I have lost one full year due to covid-19. For that reason, when I arrived at the airport, I was really happy. I suspect fate got a hint of my happiness and decided to push my buttons a bit.

This is a sequence of what happened.

1. I had not booked my covid test kit.

I had read about it as a requirement and had told myself, "Well, I'll just get tested when I arrive". Wrong. The government wants proof that you will get tested. And that's how £36 of my money went away.

2. I had not filled the passenger locator form.

I honestly thought I had, but I missed a step. If I had followed through, I would have realised that I needed to book my test as well.

3. A lady asked for assistance to fill her form.

I allowed her to use my hotspot for the job and all my allowance for the day finished. Fortunately, a man lent her his hotspot and she was able to finish her registration.

4. I couldn't find my passenger locator form.

I was sure I had saved it on my phone, but I couldn't find it. I had to ask a man to allow me to access his hotspot to download it again. Then I found the folder and realised that I had the form all along.

5. The lady in point number 3 was told she couldn't board.

She had a piece of hand luggage that was bulkier than the one allowed. As a result, she was asked to pay £40 for the excess luggage. She had already missed her flight the previous day. I met her crying at the boarding desk. I paid for her and she was finally allowed to board.

Thereafter the journey was pretty smooth. After we landed, I asked the lady if we could take a picture together and she obliged.

We took the first train together, after which she went home and I waited to board my second train.

At 9:30pm, I finally got to my friend's house...almost. I got lost because he lives in a super weird and complex building. Fortunately two Asians guy came to my aid and I finally reached home.

Seriously guys, the only good thing about yesterday was that lady and I made it back to the UK.

BEWARE OF FLAT RATE ROIs.

At the current rate inflation is rising in Nigeria, it would be unwise for you to invest your money in any business for longer than 6 months.

Since investment plans offer a flat rate over the duration of your contract, if you compare the race between your money growth and the decline of the naira, you'd realise that you are not really making money. Instead you are merely breaking even.

The only people who are actually making money are the companies that propose these investments. They can easily bump up their prices over time, beat the inflation, while you still collect the same ROI for months.

Let me make an example: supposedly you invested N1M over 6 months, and you are promised an ROI of 5% for 6 months, it means that at the end of your 6 months contract, you'd have made N300,000 on top of your initial investment. Cool.

The problem is that in Nigeria the inflation rate is currently at 13.25%. Prices keep doubling. You would think that you are making money with these investments plans, but you are not. Even worse, the longer you invest in these companies, the more money you lose.

In a country like Nigeria, investments of this type only work for the companies while it does almost nothing for the investors. So, think twice before you invest.

Unless a company is willing to review their rate every six months, do not make the mistake of investing for longer than that.

The White Tiger: Why Did The Servant Rebel Against His Masters?

All Balram wanted was to escape the poverty that had afflicted his family for generations and to be of help to them. So, when the opportunity to become a driver for a wealthy family came about, he lied to get the job. Yes, Balram had been conniving from the very beginning and also showed traits of being ambitious; however, he was still very aware of his position within the society and of the limits that his caste had imposed on him. He knew that there was so much he could do and so far he could go. And, as a consequence, his highest ambition became that of earning a lifetime position as the official driver to the Shah's family.

So why did he rebel?

The answer is in the cruel system that governs modern-day India. No matter how good you are to your servants, so long you keep a servant, you are still no better than the ones who are bad to theirs.

Pinky and Raj were the perfect examples of benevolent masters. While their patriarch did not hesitate to maltreat Bal at every opportunity he got, Pinky and Raj made Bal believe that he was human and that for that he would be treated with dignity and respect. After all, Pinky told him about the importance of brushing his teeth. A gesture that on the surface might have seemed inconsequential, but which held a great significance for Bal. And so, when Pinky asked him to allow her to drive him, he did not object.

A servant who is conscious of his position would have objected. Driving was not a task that befitted a master. The master must sit at the back seat, while their servants drive them around. But because Pinky and Raj had made Bal believe that they were all one and the same, the latter became quick to trade places with his masters. And he suffered great consequences because of that.

When the evitable happened and a culprit had to be presented to the authorities, guess who was picked? You guessed right.

Because no matter how good Pinky and Raj were to Bal, they basked in their privilege and were willing to sacrifice him to keep enjoying it. The epiphany of how fixed and immutable the system is and of how he couldn't rely on his masters' benevolence to get through in life happened during the weeks in which Bal thought that his life was over and that he would be spending the rest of his life in jail. And gradually he started to rebel.

First, he drove Pinky to the airport knowing full well that he would get in trouble for it. Then he challenged Raj and pushed him to the ground. It had become clear at that point that Bal would never be that servant who was just happy with having masters that treated him well.

Then again, Bal was ambitious. Being a free man wasn't enough either; he wanted to become a master too. He had always coveted that life, that power. The responsibility of knowing that someone depends on your benevolence to live a dignifying life. And so he became one.

Bal promised to become better than his old masters. And we saw towards the end of the movie that he made efforts to be so, but ultimately, he only managed to change his position without minimally scarring the system.

He killed his master.

He condemned his entire family to death.

He bribed the system.

All for what?

All to become like those same masters he loathed. The ones that told their servants "We are all the same", but knew deep down that they were not.

REST IN POWER, VIVIAN IWUOHA

Vivian, this was you on the 22nd of July. You were happy and full of life. The day before you had gone out to have fun with Nne Ka. Then just two weeks later, you left us. Not even a notice. Not even the time to prepare for your departure. We woke up one morning to find out on Facebook that you are gone forever.

Vivian, you were one of the good ones. Your kindness and good spirit preceded you. I will never forget the times you defended me against trolls. You were a woman who hated any form of injustice. Blessed, but never looked down on anybody.

Vivian, you will be highly missed. You made an impact on all of us, even on those people that didn’t know you personally.

I never got the chance to meet you and I think it’s a shame that life took you away before it could happen. Indeed a cruel world.

Rest on, Vivian.

Your legacy of love and kindness will live on forever.

ABROAD PRIVILEGE IS REAL

This afternoon I'd like to repeat a message that I have tried to pass at least on two separate occasions.

Please, Nigerians who live in Nigeria, when you admire and idolise people who live abroad, always keep it in mind that these people are living in circumstances that are completely different from yours. You might both be Nigerian and share similar values, but trust me, your lives are not the same.

1. You are not subject to the same laws;

2. You don't enjoy the same rights;

3. You are not living in the same surroundings;

4. You don't have access to the same opportunities;

5. Nigerians abroad have better chances of accessing resources; and, for last

6. They are not immersed in the same cultures.

I am writing this because on several occasions I have seen Nigerian women gbamming to their idol who resides abroad when he or she expressed counterproductive opinions or made counterproductive suggestions.

You live in Nigeria. You can't afford to make those same choices. They will cost you dearly.

Abroad Privilege is real. Your idol might be blind to it, but you must not. Always shine your eyes and learn to take their advice with a pinch of salt.

1. An abroad resident who tells you to keep a pregnancy that you cannot afford is not speaking in your interest.

2. An abroad resident who tells you to put your career on hold to build your husband is not speaking in your interest.

3. An abroad resident who tells you to accommodate and take care of your ailing in-law is not speaking in your interest.

4. An abroad resident who tells you to give parental privileges to a deadbeat father is not speaking in your interest.

An abroad resident can afford to make these choices. He or she has a system that is there to safeguard and protect them if anything happens. You don't.

Na their currency in naira plenty, not their concern for you. Always make your decisions based on your own situation and circumstances.

Even I live abroad. I'm an only child. By my mother, my dad, and from what I know, even by my birth father. Even among immigrants, I'm still privileged. There are decisions that I can afford to make that you cannot. I try as much as possible to not ignore where I stand when I'm tackling social issues, but I too can allow my privilege get to me.

Please, admire people without failing to notice the substantial differences between you and them. The effect and consequences of your actions are rarely the same.

I hope someone listens.

Thank you.

TYPES OF ONLINE BUYERS

This is my first time selling anything on Facebook and to a Nigerian audience, and, truth be told, I wasn't ready for some of the situations I have experienced.

These are the types of buyers I have come across so far.

1. The decisive. They want it, they pay for it, and go their way. No wasting of time.

2. The curious. They are sincerely interested in the product but want to be sure that it will serve their interest. You must be patient, but they will eventually buy.

3. The draggers. They don't want to buy, or at least not at the price you are offering, so they keep dragging the conversation, haggling the price, and asking for extra products until you run out of patience.

4. The Gollums. These ones hold on to their money like their precious. They will ask to call you, possibly on video call to ascertain your identity. But just like Gollum, they still won't part with their precious money.

5. The ghosters. Once they hear the price, they turn around and disappear. The nice one will reply with OK. But the majority will opt for a defeaning silence.

People who sell online for a living are really trying sha.

YOU ARE AN INFLUENCER; ACCEPT IT

You see those people who make statements like, “I don’t want to be called an influencer. Influencers are ego-driven clowns who live for drama and social media validation. And I’m too nice and too peaceful to be one”? They don’t sound sensible.

I place them in the same category as those women who distance themselves from the feminist tag because feminists have a bad reputation online.

Influencer and feminism are not personality or character traits. The former is a social media status, while the other is an ideology. If you meet their respective requirements, you will become one and you will be treated as one, whether you like it or not.

If you have a large following whose behaviours and thoughts are shaped by your online posts, you are an influencer.

If you believe that men and women are entitled to equal rights, access, and opportunities, you are a feminist.

Stop acting like an ignorant vagabond. You have a home. Settle down and enjoy the benefits of reaching a financial or mental milestone.

Besides, you can choose the kind of influencer that you want to be. It all depends on your attitude and goals. Many times popular people don’t go looking for drama. Drama comes looking for them. Those moments in which drama will come looking for you will serve as a test of your character. If you really think that you are too good for drama, prove it. Become that popular person that does not involve himself or herself in any.

Because oga and madam, you like am or you nor like am, when you get to that stage of social media fame, you will earn the tag of an influencer, then it will be left to you to choose how you intend to make use of your new found privilege.

DR DRE vs NICOLE YOUNG: HOW MARRIAGE CAN EITHER MAKE YOU OR BREAK YOU

I believe that the first time I heard about Ms. Young was in the Shaderoom, when news broke out that she was seeking a divorce settlement of millions of dollars from her estranged husband, Dr. Dre. If you listen to Hip Hop, then you are certainly familiar with who Dr. Dre is. His reign as a rapper was mostly during the 90s, while he spent the 20s and 21s producing music for other rappers. Notably, Marshall Mathers, also known as Eminem. Dr. Dre’s net worth is estimated to be $820 million and most of that money was made from his collaboration with Apple to make the ultra-costly headphones, Beats by Dre.

This morning it was reported that the divorce case between Dre and his now ex-wife has been finalised and that he has been ordered to pay over $3 million a year in alimony. Please note that alimony is another word for spousal support and is different from child support. Many people are not happy about it, especially men. In one person’s words,” Ms. Young will be paid a huge sum of money for doing absolutely nothing”.

But is it really like that? Let us analyse the situation from an objective point of view.

1. HOLDING DOWN THE FORT

Young and Dre got married in 1996 and they were married for almost 25 years. Also, they have two children together. Prior to their marriage, Dre had already had four other children by four different women. When a man or a woman gets married, he or she becomes a family person and starts bearing the responsibility of taking care of his or her family. This family can be made up of them and their spouse or it can also include children. Many times, however, the responsibility of looking after that family, in terms of providing emotional and mental stability falls solely on the woman, even when, just like the man, she works outside to bring home the bread. Ms. Young was a full-time housewife though. I believe the reason why many people think that Ms. Young does not deserve that much money, is because we do not ascribe any economic value to domestic work. When a woman stays at home to be a housewife, she is said to be jobless. And that is because she is not being compensated for washing, cleaning, cooking, looking after the children, doing school runs, etc. The woman does the job of six or more people and does it for free. Dre was already rich and established when he married Young, so they obviously had domestic staff who took care of all the chores and nannies who looked after the kids. However, Young was present in the home to manage this staff and to make sure that everything ran smoothly. If you think that Young does not deserve compensation for all the years that she managed their household because she was not doing any actual work, perhaps we should revisit the roles of everybody who works as a manager and whose job is to oversee what their subordinates do.

2. ACCUSTOMED LIFESTYLE

Before getting married to Dre, Young had been married to an NBA player for three years. So, she was already used to living a comfortable life. However, her lifestyle with Dre was way superior. I believe that when people think of those $3 million, they see them sitting pretty in Ms. Young’s account, ready to be spent in shopping and exotic vacations. But they could not be farther from the truth. For the past twenty-five years, Ms. Young has lived a life of luxury. She had people working for her and making sure that she was comfortable. It would be cruel to strip her of this comfort that she has known for these many years. I remember an episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta in which one of the characters mentioned that it costs him over $200 thousand a year to run their household; and I may also mention that this man who is an athlete was nowhere as rich as Dre. The richer a person is, the more money they spend on maintenance. When they were married, Dre took care of those bills, and now that they are divorced, Nicole will be in charge of paying anybody that she hires to work for her. If she also buys a house, she will have to pay the mortgage by herself. $3 million might seem a lot to you, but for someone like Young, it might just be enough to keep her comfortable. Remember that she used to be married to a man who makes $126 million in a year. Young’s alimony is 0.03% of Dre's annual income. We are looking at this divorce settlement from our point of view. While we should be looking at it from Dre’s point of view. That settlement won’t make a dent in the money that he racks in every year. As a matter of fact, Ms. Young is about to lose a huge part of the lifestyle that she was used to, now that she is no longer married to Dre.

3. MARRIAGE AMONG THE RICH IS RARELY ABOUT LOVE

Historically, only poor people married for love. The rich have always married for financial benefits. Classic examples are royal families, where it was the norm for two people who were related by blood to get married so that the family could maintain their control over a territory or over an inheritance. When people say, “marriage is not a poverty alleviation scheme”, they are not quite right. When people express the desire to marry a rich or wealthy person, they don’t do so because they believe that people with money are generally better human beings than people with no money. They want to marry someone with money because they want to live a comfortable life. And really, there is nothing wrong with that. When you marry a man or a woman who is financially weaker than you, you should consider the possibility that your money is part of the reasons they like you. It could also be that your money is the only reason why they even like you. Marriage as an institution is cynical. The more you learn about marriage, the more you understand that marriage can either be leveller or an upgrader. That’s why rich people started demanding a prenuptial agreement. They want to protect themselves against the marriage institution. This is also the reason why the rich prefer to marry the rich and the poor are left with no other option but to marry the poor. In both cases the issue of money is inconsequential. In the former case, both have money. In the latter case, none has money. If the issue of divorce arises, the former will be preoccupied with keeping what already belongs to them, while the latter won’t have anything to contend to begin with. So, when you marry a person who has way less money than you, you are expected to upgrade their lifestyle, otherwise, you can be sued for financial abuse.

Now that you know all of this, are you still of the opinion that Ms. Young does not deserve her $3 million per year alimony? Let me know what you think in the comment section.

THE DARK SIDE OF PARASOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS

Parasocial interaction refers to a kind of psychological relationship experienced by an audience in their mediated encounters with performers in the mass media, particularly on television. Viewers or listeners come to consider media personalities as friends, despite having no or limited interactions with them. (Wikipedia)

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For this Facebook, there are the people that matter, then there are the people that follow the people that matter.

Among the people that matter, they know themselves. They understand their individual relevance, so they know that Facebook squabbles may just end up being Facebook squabbles. As people of value, you might end up being hired to represent the same brands, invited as speakers to the same events, or asked to join the same Facebook live (this has happened to me).

You may even end up blocking each other, it won't matter. You won't stop seeing each other's posts, or each other's pictures, as your mutual friends/followers will keep reposting them. And that is one of the privileges of being popular. A privilege that both parties enjoy.

For this reason, popular people are not scared of losing an audience, even though this audience is made up of other popular people.

Amanda Chisom has over 6000 people on her blocklist. That's more than all my followers. But she's still thriving. The same thing with Nkechi Bianze, Ijeoma Elektra, Ada Ujaligwa, Victor Daniel, Victor Ruth, etc. You block them, they block you, they don't care. You will still see them and hear about them whether you like it or not.

Now the problem is when people who are not popular get into a squabble with a popular person. The moment that popular person blocks you or you block them, you cease to exist in their space. They will never see any reposts of anything you write. They will never see any brand using your pictures to promote their products or services. You will never be co-guests at any event. You will never be co-guests at any lives.

You, on the other hand, will continue to see that popular person regularly, or almost every day. And each time you do, it will sting inside that you can no longer reach them. There was already a distance between the two of you since you did not have any sort of familiarity with this person, but now that distance has become a statement of fact.

Imagine being forced to see a person who does not see you. Imagine being influenced by a person who is not influenced by you.

That is the dark side of parasociaism. You alone nurtured the admiration and you alone will nurture the resentment.

I used to follow a few Nigerian celebrities on Instagram. Do you think that any of them has noticed that I haven't been active in over a month? But they always notice any time Tunde Ednut loses his account. They even promote him to help him get his followers back.

When you understand these relationship dynamics and you accept that as a Nigerian, you are wired to feel entitled when it comes to popular people, you will adjust, or readjust. And it will no longer hurt you so much when a popular person removes you from their space or when you can no longer have access to them because they have decided to shut down the space completely.

If you don't grow to reach this level of self-awareness, you will keep falling deep into the dark side of parasocialism. And the only person to hurt will always be you.

You are a follower, a soldier. Soldier go, soldier come.