WHEN IT'S ABOUT RACE...

Thousands of black people are put in jail every year.
- White men are jailed too.

Thousands of black people are still victims of police abuse.
- White men get abused too.

Thousands of black men have been killed unjustly by the Police.
- White men are killed too.

Millions of black people are victims of systematic poverty.
- White people are poor too.

OK. OK. What's your problem bro?
- Nothing. I just want to remind you that white men suffer too, you know.

This post is about black people.
- Yeah, right. Everybody is alway talking about black people. Nobody ever talks about white men and their own problems.

Well YOU can talk about white men.
- No, I don't want to talk about anybody. I just want you to stop talking about black people all the time. Or you start talking about white men too.

People talk about white men's problem all the time because white people's problem are just people's problem.
- Just like black people are people.

Yes except that black people are people who are not treated as people.
- Well, that's what you think.

It's not about what I think. It's about what I see and witness everyday.
- Maybe you only notice the nasty things that are done to black people because you are racist. You hate white people so you never see the nasty things that happen to them.

So you are saying that I hate white people because I want black people to be treated as people?
- No, you hate white people because you are always attacking white men.

How does talking about white privilege become an attack on white men?
- Because it's not their fault that things are the way they are. Besides not every white man benefits from white privilege.

So you know that white privilege exists. Do you think it's a fair system to people who are not white?
- There are a lot of people who are not white. But why are black people always the ones complaining? Why can't they just, you know, try other ways?

Like which ones?
- You know. Stop protesting so much. Stop disobeying the law so much. Start going to school. Get a job. You know stuff white men also do.

You read about the black doctor who was discriminated against by a stewardess because she didn't believe a black person could be a doctor?
- Yes but then that black person took it to the internet and made the whole incident a black people issue. Anything happens to a black person it becomes a black person issue. But when something happens to a white person it is treated as an individual issue.

So black people do not have issues that are strictly related to the fact that they are black?
- Perhaps but if I were to listen to you, I'd believe that all black people are unhappy because they all face these issues but I have met some black people who have never had any of these issues and are very happy. In fact all the black people I have met are all happy and living just like people.

So we don't need  #blacklivesmatter?
- No, bro. Cuz #alllivesmatter.

*Shake my head and walk away*

WOMEN, STOP BEING SCARED OF MEN.

You know why they say I'm a mean and wicked person? Because I'm not scared of anybody, especially men. I have never regarded men to be anything special or important; and it makes sense, since biologically, we all, men and women alike, follow the same process to come into this world.

There is no such thing as a special or miraculous birth that makes any human being more important than others. There are just unfortunate circumstances that deviate from the norm. And for every man that was born under one of those circumstances, there is a woman who was born the same way. At the end of the day, things always even out.

So I don't understand why women are irrationally scared of men.

Nigerian women are always so careful around men. They are careful about how they look, what they say, how they say it and how they behave. They place a man's opinion on such a high pedestal that a single criticism from a man is enough to break them, even in the midst of a thousand accolades from other women.

I see these women behaving a certain way with their fellow women and totally switching personality when they are around a man. All of a sudden, they are humble, docile and extremely accommodating.

I know our grooming is responsible for this. We are told that it's a man's world, that they are all powerful and that we must be nice to them to get what we want; then we are told that women are nothing, have nothing and only become something when they get themselves a man, possibly a husband.

I posted about the girl who obsessed over me for three years. She was the classic patriarch princess, even though she wasn't much of a princess. She came from a polygynous home, her father was late, she had been "dating" for money since she was fifteen, and shared a self contain in the most impoverished estate in the city with her mother and her sister. Her only pride was her boyfriend. Her boyfriend who spent on her, neverminding the fact that he was also severely abusive. Around girls, she sounded confident and in control, but around boys, she became meek, silent, almost invisible. She secretly disliked any girl who had a better life than her, especially when that life was the result of parental care. She was a misogynist who hated and despised women, including her own self.

Women who fear men are misogynists. Female misogynists fear and respect men to level nonsense but look at other women with hatred and contempt. The only time a misogynistic woman respects another woman, is when this other woman has ties with a man. Not just a man, but her own man.

These women are the types that will look at a highly successful woman, even they have absolutely nothing to show for themselves, and tell her she's nothing because she has a man and the latter doesn't.

Your money is not money if it doesn't come from a man.

Your status is not relevant if it's not marital.
Your house is not a home if it's not being headed by a man.

Their entire life revolves around pleasing men, seeking them, "bowing" down to them and worshipping them. They think this is natural and that it's in their nature as women to attach so much importance to men, but the truth is that they have been nurtured.

I'm not scared of men. I doubt I'm even scared of anybody.

Just recently I had a misunderstanding with an ex boyfriend and it resulted in an ugly fight. He wasn't expecting that kind of reaction from me. He is a patriarch. He believed that as a man, he was entitled to my respect at all times, especially since he is older than me. He believed that as a man he could talk to me anyhow he pleased, even do as he pleased. He received the shock of his life when I returned the favour in a thousand folds. He finally understood that I wasn't scared of him or scared to put him in his place, so he started behaving the way he should have.

The price for not being scared of men, if we can call it price, is shame. When a woman puts herself on the same level with a man, she's immediately reminded that such behaviour is shameful. And out of shame you will see women losing out over and over again to the men in their lives: fathers, brothers, lovers and husbands.

When a man is indebted to a woman, especially if they were romantically linked, God forbid that the woman demands for her money back. If the man now has another woman in his life, just forget it. You don't want to be called bitter, jealous, desperate and shameless. Forget the money and move on. "He doesn't want you again". But ask yourself these questions: what has that got to do with anything? Who cares whether he's your former lover? Who cares about the other woman? Who cares about the lies he must have told his friends and family?

He's owing you money. You have proof. Then why aren't you going for it? Why are you scared of a man? Who is he? What makes him special? Are you still in love? My dear, when it comes to money, feelings are insignificant. Money trumps feelings when your respect as a person is at stake. Stop trading your respect for the fear of people who hold no power over your life. Get rid of the shame of being derided and go and get what belongs to you.

If you can't make them respect you, let them fear you.

The fear women have for men is nurtured, but the fear a man develops for a woman, after she has "teared eye" for him, is earned.

When I say "I nor dey look person face", I don't mean to sound tough and illogically rude. I simply mean that I'll be nice and sweet to you as long as you are nice and sweet to me. But if anybody steps out of line or goes too far, I'll go for them, man or woman, and I'll go for them really hard.

I live by two principles: self preservation and empathy; and no man born of a woman, like me, is above them.

THE AWAKENING OF PRINCESS PATRA

Once upon a time, there lived a damsel in an enchanted land. She was a damsel among other damsels but she believed that she was the fairest of them all. Her name was Patra and her dream was to one day, grow even more beautiful and marry the prince of the land, Archie.

Prince Archie was said to be handsome, charming and extremely wealthy. He had power over the lands and the waters and the law could not touch him or even as much caress him.

All he lacked was a princess by his side. A beautiful woman who would look after his castle while he was away, who would make sure his regal attire was always clean and ironed and who would give him an heir that would carry on his name. In return he would take care of her and make sure she never lacked anything.

Patra was in love with Archie. She loved his power, his authority and his wealth. All of that just to take care of his clothes, dome and children? She had been training to do that her entire life. She was born to be the prince's bride. Her Majesty Patra Archie. 

That name sounded so sweet, so authoritative, so fulfilling.

As a damsel, that was her lifetime achievement and nobody would stand in her way.

But there were other damsels who wanted the prince as much as she did. Her strongest opponents were Misa and Gina.

Patra was determined to win the prince's heart, so she devised means to make sure Misa and Gina failed their tests on the selection day.

When Gina was called to prepare a meal that would soothe the prince's stomach before making its way to his heart, Patra advised her to make it really spicy: "Let the food be the symbol of your burning desire to be his bride". Gina took her advice and she was disqualified.

It came Misa's turn to wash one of the prince's regal attire. Patra once again offered her advice: "Show the prince that you are not only pure of heart but that everything you touch is made to spark". Misa took the prince's red clothings and soaked them in bleach. She, too, was disqualified.

One after the other, every damsel was sent home, until there was no other woman standing except Patra.

It was a dream. She had won. She had become the prince's bride. She no longer had to worry about comfort ever again. She lived in a magnificent castle, wore beautiful clothes and ate rich and delicious food. 

There she was: princess Patra Archie.

The first months of marriage were a bliss. She made sure the castle was always tidy, the prince's food was always warm and delicious and that he looked majestic any time he stepped out of the castle.

She soon got pregnant. Her first child was a boy. The land rejoiced and celebrated for three days and three nights. The prince showered her with gifts and praises and she was exempted from her royal duties for a year.

When the dolphin was two years old, Patra got pregnant again. This time she gave birth to a girl. The land didn't rejoice and all she got from the prince was a cold "weldone".

Unlike the first time she gave birth, this second time she was not given any rest. She was forced to resume her royal duties as early as the next day.

She wished she could spend more time with her baby girl but the castle was so big it took her the entire morning to clean it. The prince's food was made of six courses. And his clothes were always so complicated and bulky. How come she had never realised this before?

Was she so blinded by all that wealth that she had failed to notice the enormous load of work she had been required to do every single day since she got married? Even with that many servants, she still had to supervise everything, otherwise the prince would complain.

"Those curtains are dirty".
"This meal is cold"
"This shirt used to be whiter".

Now she had two children, she needed a break. She needed help. She couldn't even recognise herself anymore. Even prince Archie could see she was no longer the pretty damsel she used to be.

A year came when scarcity befell the land. The prince was struggling to find a solution and no one among his wise counsellors could offer any. Patra knew. As a damsel she had dedicated some of her training to learning how to read and write. She read hundreds of books to that effect. Books about love, war and people. The books about war had taught her how to survive in cases of extreme lack. They had made her smarter and wiser and she believed the land could benefit from her knowledge.

"My husband, I know about our recent struggles to produce enough food for the people and I think I might have a solution".

The prince looked at her. He chuckled at first, then he stared at her with a condescending smirk that suggested everything but appreciation.

"I married you to cook, clean and bear my children. I pay my counsellors to do the thinking".

And she never tried to offer advice again.

One day princess Patra fell sick and could no longer perform her tasks as per usual. The prince brought a strange damsel to the castle to do the job until the princess got better.

"The prince is so thoughtful".

When she caught him laying unlawfully with one of the servants, she took a dagger and charged at her. The prince blocked her hand and knocked her down with a punch on her left cheek. He later apologised and promised never to do it again.

"The prince is so loving."

She overheard him telling his mother that he missed the days when the princess was still fair and beautiful and that, if he could, he would gladly trade her for a younger damsel. He later apologised and claimed that he only told his mother what she wanted to hear.

"The prince is so considerate".

But a day came that the princess finally realised that her handsome prince had never loved her and would never.

The castle was taken under siege by mercenaries who were notorious for their brutality. They told the prince: "We always like our booty to be tainted with some red. Whose blood shall we spill?"

"Not my mother, please. I cannot replace her".

And his mother was spared.

"Not my son, please. I could never have another one."

And his son was spared.

He pled for the servants too because they had been working for his family for generations. So it finally came down to himself, his wife and his daughter.

"My husband, say something". Patra said amidst tears and sweat.

"Patra, you need to understand. I am the prince of this land. My people need me. You have been a wonderful wife: loving and forgiving. I'm sure you can understand. Just like you left your father to come into my abode, our daughter will also leave this castle to live in her husband's..."

Patra interrupted him: "Are you saying I should offer my daughter to be slaughtered? Or do you want me to be slaughtered? You don't need me to clean your castle, prepare your meals or give you children, after all. Your servants had been doing all of that before I arrived and they will continue to that even after I'm gone. Or you can just bring in one of those young and beautiful damsels. You also have your heir. Your beautiful baby boy who will sit on the throne when you die. What do you need me for? Have you ever needed me, Archie? Have I ever meant anything to you or was I just another tool you used to make your life easier?"

Patra stood up and walked up to one of the mercenary who had already sharpened his sword and was ready to strike.

"You will have your blood tonight, but, first, you must do something for me. Take my daughter with you as part of your booty. I'd rather have her live among barbarians with no name and no land than to be a stranger in her father's castle. And, please, tell her of this night. Tell her of how her mother, Patra, denounced her husband, prince Archie and therefore renounced her title as princess Patra Archie. Let me be known as the woman who died so that her daughter would be free".

Patra hugged her daughter one last time and kissed her with every atom of love in her body.

"Don't be a fool like your mother. You don't need a prince to be happy. I love you, Femme."

And to her son she said: "I hope you will be a better man than your father, Nise and that you will truly treat your princess with the love and respect she deserves".

She then pulled out a dagger, that she had managed to sneak into her cleavage while the intruders were not watching, from underneath her nightgown and slit her throat to the dismay of everybody.

Patra spilled her blood, confident that her children, Femme and Nise, would grow up to be better people than she and her husband ever were.

Her body died that night but her spirit awakened and lived on ever after.

EQUITY VS EQUALITY

Mr and Mrs Peters had two children: John and Mary. Mr and Mrs Peters treated John and Mary fairly and justly. Whatever they bought for John, they also bought for Mary. John and Mary also had their own chairs at the dining table. The two chairs were equal in size, height, design and comfort. No child of theirs was more important than the other and they made sure they taught their two children this fundamental truth.

One day John disobeyed his father's order to do the dishes and he was punished. He was denied access to the dining table and to his favourite chair. Thinking that it would help correct John's attitude, Mr and Mrs Peters told his sister, Mary, that she could sit on her chair or on John's chair and if she wanted, she could join them together and sit on both.

The punishment went on for a while and, when John could no longer bear to be marginalised from a family time as sacred as dinner, he demanded for his chair to be given back to him. But Mary had grown comfortable in having two chairs to herself and she wouldn't let go.

Mary claimed that John's chair now belonged to her because their parents had allowed her to be sitting on them for such a long time.

However their parents, even though they had realised that they had made a mistake by stripping John of his chair and by allowing Mary to sit on it for that long, wouldn't do much to help matters. They confided in Mary to understand that the chair never really belonged to her and that she would eventually release it on her own will. Unfortunately this didn't happen. Mary wanted both chairs and she was going to keep them.

At this point Mr and Mrs Peter came up with a solution. They offered John an alternative chair. It wasn't as beautiful as his original chair. It was lower and even less comfortable, but his parents told him to be content. At least, now, he had a chair to sit on at the dining table. But accepting to sit on that chair would have meant strecting his neck to see what meal had been set before him and stretching his hand to reach for sides and water. Also there no handles. Any sudden movement could make him end up on the floor. John couldn't accept eating under those conditions so he insisted for his chair to be given back to him.

And that's how Mary started accusing her brother of hating her, attacking her and wanting to strip her of her extra chair.

-----------------------------

This simple story is an allegory to explain gender inequality and the perceived extra rights that men think they have over women.

Mr and Mrs Peters represent the state.
Mary represent the male sex.
John represent the female sex.
The two chairs represent equality of both sexes.
John's chair under Mary's possession represents male privileges.
The alternative chair represents equity.

When people say what we need is equity and not equality, what they mean is that women are no longer entitled to their chair but they can manage this other little one instead. It's not as comfortable as their original chair, but at least they have a chair to sit and that should shut them up and keep them good.

But that wouldn't change the fact that men are still sitting on two chairs. There is equity but there is still no equality.

Now ask yourself, if you were John, wouldn't you also want your chair back?

And if you were Mary wouldn't you release John's chair to him?

Equity says everybody gets to sit.
Equality says everybody gets to enjoy the same level of comfort when they sit.

Has this explanation shed more light on the difference between equity and equality?

Let me know what you think in the comment section.

SOMETIMES I GET TIRED OF BEING A FEMINIST

"Should bride price be abolished?"

"No, because a lot of men would take women for granted."

This was the reply an overwhelming amount of women gave to this demeaning practice.

You see, I waited 15 years for my mother to learn how to treat me right.

I waited 9 years for men to learn how to treat me right.

I waited 16 years for my friends to learn how to treat me right.

And now that I'm 27, I do not want to wait any longer for anybody to treat me right because I will tell them right from the beginning: "This is how I want to be treated and if you can't do it, please take a walk."

The average Nigerian women would rather be treated like property than actually stand up and set a standard for herself.

"It's too difficult. Let's wait for the men to realise that they are wrong."

Yes, let's wait for the men to realise that we can't go on like this, like the Americans realised that slavery was wrong. It only took them 200 years. 200 years for it to be abolished legally and more than half of a century for it to be abolished de facto because blacks were still being treated like slaves not until 50 years ago.

My heart bleeds for the Nigerian woman. I'm in pain because yesterday I came to the awful realisation that my fight for female emancipation is for myself alone.

These women are not interested in my talks.

They don't want to fight.

They want the men who erected patriarchy to also demolish it. 

They are deluded.

I could say even stupid.

Since the sudden realisation that I'm a lone ranger, I have come to this decision: I won't allow any bride price to be paid on my head and I won't submit to any human being who was born of a woman like me.

This is my personal feminism: it's mine and only.

Dear Nigerian woman, I wish you 200 blissful years of waiting.

Bye.

STRATEGIC MARRIAGE

This post is going to hurt a lot of people, especially my fellow women, but I think it's time someone took the ham off our eyes.

WHY HE IS HAPPY, WHILE SHE IS MISERABLE

Weeks ago I made a post containing the three top reasons why men and women get married in Nigeria and I received confirmation, from both friends and acquaintances, that my deductions were not too far from the truth. Women get married mainly for financial reasons, while men get married because it's just the next thing to do on the list.

Because of the different reasons why men and women get married, men are given much more time to accumulate as much wealth as possible, while women are groomed from birth to satisfy the number two reason why men get married: have someone to have their kids, cook their meals and clean after their mess.

It would seem that this arrangement works after all because both the man and the woman end up getting exactly what they wanted from their union; then why is it that, on the long run, husbands appear to be happy, while wives become more and more miserable?

The reason is quite simple. 

The Nigerian society is built in a way that allows men to go for a functional wife without having to give up the kind of woman they actually like, while women are expected to settle exclusively for the man they have decided to marry. So if a woman married a man just for money, she can't go out to look for a man whom she's actually attracted to. Adultery is not considered a big deal for a man. Our society rewards men when they succeed and excuse them when they fail. But this same society will withhold rewards for women - because success is what is expected of them - and punish them severely when they fail - because women have been awarded with the enormous responsibility of making sure things turn out fine. "Monkey dey work, baboon dey chop" kind of thing.

Men know this and they have been taking huge advantage of the system. They are technically the "leaders" in a marriage, but the success of said marriage does not depend on them, but rather on the woman.
So they can stray and as many times as they want with little to no consequences.

In Nigeria marriage is not built to accommodate the individuality and peculiarities of the husband and the wife.
Instead there is a model of husband and that of a wife that every single couple must adhere to. I'm not even going to list all the duties that are expected of the woman because that could take me ages and I need to get enough sleep for tomorrow, but I can spare a second to write the duty a man is expected to perform in a marriage because, well, it's just one: provide. It doesn't matter if he's a monumental piece of shit that has been left to dry under the burning sun of Abuja for centuries; as long as he provides money for "his" household, he is a good husband.

A successful marriage in Nigeria is not judged by how happy the couple is, but by how long they have been together. So a happy marriage that lasted just a few years is considered a failure compared to a nightmarish one that lasted instead twenty-five years. Quantity over quality.

In countries where individualism is valued and gender roles are almost non existent, you will come across a variety of types of marriages. And that's because in these countries man and woman get married mostly for companionship and even as a couple, they still maintain their uniqueness and peculiarities. They care about the quality and not the longevity.

WHY HE WANTS TO CHANGE YOU AFTER MARRIAGE

Why would a man obsess after this beautiful, successful and confident single woman, only to want to change her into an old, tired looking maid after marriage?
Then he goes out to date women who look like what she used to as a single woman. Is it witchcraft?

Yes, it is. But it's nothing that can't be defeated with a bit of bad character.

Men know very well that if they want to have the best of both worlds - a long lasting marriage and an adventurous social life - they can't allow their wives to be too financially independent, confident, sexy, sassy, fashionable and just awesome.  A woman like that would never settle for a mere provider. So what they do is try and re-mould her to fit into the role of the perfect Nigerian woman. A lot of women, obsessed by the idea of having a long lasting marriage, instead of a happy one where they are true to themselves, will mistake their husband's request to quit their job, change their mode of dressing, stop using hair extensions, stop applying make up and do away with their friends, for a sign of commitment. They will believe that that is what he truly likes and that that is what will make the marriage last long. 

Well I'm sorry to tell you that most men find unkempt women repulsive. What he has managed to do is make you unattractive to other men, including himself, so that he can have a reason to cheat on you. You yourself will eventually agree that you look gross, but you won't make efforts to reverse back to your pre-marriage settings because, against all odds, you have been convinced that that is what he really likes. He turned you into the perfect Nigerian wife with your full cooperation: you are now virtuous, submissive and ugly.

So my fellow woman, if you know that the woman you are today is not the woman you were before you got married, let me tell you now that you have been duped. Your husband does not even like the way you look right now. You are no longer his type of woman. The side chick that reminds you of your old self is. That is the kind of woman he likes. Right now you are just a tool serving a purpose. You are meant to be the figurine that holds the marriage together while he lives on merrily enjoying the best of both worlds.

Get up, burn those wrappers and untie your hair. Dust up your CV and go and look for a job. Start dressing sexy again. Join a gym. Visit a salon. Get a manicure. Resume your baby girl life. Trust me, your husband will start respecting you again. Fuck love. Respect is what matters.

Don't let nobody fool you: if he tries to change you, then he doesn't love you. He just wants to use you.

Now ask yourself: will you be his tool?

NIGERIAN MARRIAGE VS WESTERN MARRIAGE

As soon as a Nigerian man or woman learns that a woman is married, they automatically assume that she's submissive and "wise". They don't just associate this kind of reasoning with their Nigerian/African women, which would somehow make them right to an extent, but they go as far as thinking that even western born and raised women also conform to that type of marriage.

What they fail to understand is that marriage in Nigeria is very different from marriage in the west. Even the role of the stay at home wife which is considered a traditional role does not follow the same tradition as we understand it in Nigeria.

In the west, stay at home wives are protected under the law, especially the non earning ones. A man can't wake up one day and "throw" her out of the house. There is no such thing as "husband's house" or "father's house", what they know is matrimonial home or family house and parents' house.

In the west marriage is not fixed. If we could compare it to a garment, westerners "sew" their marriage garments to fit their individual uniqueness and peculiarities.

Think of paternity leave and gay marriage; those alone defy the traditional roles we expect of a man and a woman.

In Nigeria, marriage is a fixed garment. There is this ugly, badly sewn, cheap, dumb ready-made dress for the woman and a nice ready- made suit for the man and husband and wife must fit in. The society can allow a misfit for the man, but they don't tolerate a misfit for the woman. If a woman is too small for the dress, she must grow bigger and if she's too big for the dress, she must make herself smaller.

When someone says Michelle, Merkel, Serena and Beyoncé are married therefore they must be playing their traditional roles as wives, that someone doesn't just sound ridiculous, they also sound dumb.

These women will never make themselves smaller to fit into your cheaply sewn wife dress. For crying out loud, Beyoncé has five nannies. Five nannies. Which woman in Nigeria has five nannies?

Even higly accomplished Nigerian women did not become smaller to fit into the description of the good wife: they broke rules and probably burned their own dresses.

There is Nigerian marriage, then there is marriage. Nigerian marriage is what I wish for my enemies, marriage is what I wouldn't mind for myself one day.

And my wife dress? No dresses for me. Just a crop top and a pair of bum-shorts - for easy twerking.

Happy Hoe Life to future me.
And my husband will agree.

BE HAPPY YOU HAVE HIM

My friend stormed out of my house (after laying my bed - how nice) because of a heated argument we had about relationships.

He got mad when I told him that his advice was stupid and nonsense and that he should flush it down the toilet.

This man never sees any wrong in anything men do. He will cover up for them and even justify their actions. He believes that women ought to be grateful for being in a relationship and therefore should bear all the burden. We should be good all the time because a man, no matter how wayward he is and how horribly he treats you, will always remember a good woman.

Who remember epp?

He claims that a woman ought to pay the price, no matter how high it is to get the man she loves, because you know, at the end of the day, it's all going to be worth it.

I gave him different examples of women who bore the burden, paid a very high price, eventually got married to these men and ended up being miserable.

He said I'm focusing on the bad examples.

But let's be honest. This man is not a model of morals and of a husband. He is a proper ashawo who believes all men are like him and, unfortunately, the majority of men are like him, at least in Nigeria.

How many women who are married to men like him and know they are married to his type are happy? Will his wife continue to be happy if she finds out about all his dirty deeds?

Do you know this man has a daughter who is the apple of his eye and upon reminding him of that, he said and insisted the whole issue wasn't about her. Well, to me, it was.

It's about his daughter.
It's about me.
It's about my friend.
It's about his wife.
It's about every single woman in this world.

I swear upon my life that I will never lose my self respect and self-esteem because of a man.

I won't go broken.
I won't go lost.
I won't forsake my passion, my ambitions and my loved ones.

I will carry myself with pride.

I will send them to hell when necessary.
I will delete them when they cross their boundaries.

This friend says that with my attitude, I will never find a boyfriend.

Well I say that, with my attitude, his type will thread carefully around me.

I'm just waiting for his shit sack to explode on his face. Because cheats always get caught.

I mean how long can your stupidity go undetected?

And for all I care, any woman who is brave enough to tell you to go to hell, when you misbehave, is a keeper.

DOES COOKING VALIDATE ME AS A WOMAN?

I'm a single woman who lives on her own. Whenever I'm asked what I eat I simply say anything that is easy and fast to cook because I have a busy schedule. Then they ask me if I cook Nigerian dishes. I answer no. It's just me so there is no point cooking all that stuff if at the end of the day I'm gonna throw it away.

Then the nonsense resounds: "But you are a woman. You are supposed to cook".

For who? I don't know.

My ex's mother decided that I couldn't cook because I refused to stay in the kitchen with her and play the good daughter in-law. Months later she would eat a delicious ogbono soup made by me and give all credits to her son. 

A man once questioned my right to enjoy a delicious hamburger because, according to him, places like that (a fast food joint) are only meant for people like him. 

I have this friend who used to ask me to come and cook for him at least once a week. After telling him off several times, even aggressively, he got the message. Now he cooks the two recipes I taught him by himself but never fails to remind me that I'm not a better person. Like say I be better person (woman) I for come him house come cook for am. 

I enjoy cooking (occasionally). Recently I embarked on an experiment to cook all the types of soup I can think of. Now I'm super excited and literally can't wait for weekends to arrive. However after this experiment is concluded, cooking will become a boring task to me again and I'll be back to my noodles and pasta.

I don't know how it happened that all my worth has been reduced to how good of a cook I am. I could swear I had other qualities like being smart, funny, sassy, cute and so much more, but all that everyone sees is: "You fit cook sef?"

Where did I go wrong? Should I stock my fridge with food I'll never be able to eat all by myself just to prove that I'm a good woman and eigible for marriage?

What do I do? 

Aaaah. I yam tired. 

BEGGARS CAN'T BE CHOOSERS

I believe we all have a preference for the type of person we'd like to be with, but more than often our choices do not reflect this preference because we are not in the position to choose.

Narrowing the issue down to Nigerian women, well, we have the highest standards when it comes to the perfect man, but most times we fall short of that expectation.

Whether we like it or not, money is very important when it comes to choosing a partner and I'm not talking about his money; I am talking about your money.

Many Nigerian women do not have their own money, so they make it a primary expectation which the man has to meet. These women have a list of very good character traits which unfortunately they end up making secondary criterion because money is essentially what they lack. They feel the need to be completed in this aspect, rather than complemented in what really matters; so they end up convincing themselves that as long as they are comfortable, they can "make" the man into their heart desire. More than often they fail. Nigeria is not a country where women change men. On the contrary women are asked to change to suit the kind of man they end up with.

I decided long ago that I wouldn't allow myself to be in a position where I wouldn't be able to choose the kind of man I want in my life so I worked hard. This is my starting point in which I'm quite comfortable and I know I can't go lower than this. As long as I can pay my rent, bills and personal expenses, I'm relieved of the financial worry and can actually focus on an important aspect which is a man's character. Also I can comfortably leave a relationship if it doesn't make me happy.

"A break up can leave me angry but it can never leave me hungry".

Beggars have no choice ladies. Make your own money so that you can choose the kind of man you want. You won't be scared to start together from scratch if the scratch is your initial comfort. This can be the very first step to making healthy relationship choices.

Make your dough and believe me you won't regret it.

PRIVILEGED CRY BABIES

Why do we allow black pride but we frown upon white pride?

Why do we allow feminism but frown upon chauvinism?

Why do we allow gay pride but frown upon hetero pride?

I have come across white people, men and heterosexuals who insist that they should be allowed to be proud of their race, gender and sexual orientation just like non white people, women and gays: that depriving them of their right to form exclusive groups is a form of discrimination against them.

Well, I laugh.

There is a reason why it's OK for black pride to exist while white pride doesn't even make sense and it's due to the fact that white privilege is already a reality and that the gap between white and black is almost abyssal. Black pride is not trying to minimize the importance of white people; it's aim is to bridge this gap. But if we allow white privilege to be promoted further through associations, unions and neighbourhoods, it will practically become like the Zeno's paradox where Achilles chases after the tortoise but never catches up with it.

The same rule applies to feminism. Male privilege is a reality and females are far behind.

Heterosexual privilege is a reality and the LGBT community is also very far behind.

The Nazi white supremacist is delusional. There is no threat at all against white people. If anything white people have done more harm to other races in the course of history.

The chauvinist is a lunatic. Women do not represent any threat to men. On the contrary men are the threats to women. They are the ones who are mainly guilty of abusing, raping and killing women.

The homophobe is an insecure prick. How does someone's preference take anything away from your life? You probably do all sort of obscenities behind closed doors yet you can't keep your mind off what other people do behind their closed doors.

What are these people scared of? That one day we'll bridge that gap and retaliate against them?

Blacks will enslave white people and plan to systematically make them extinct?

Women will ostracize men and relegate them to the background?

Gays will start trying to "cure" heterosexuality by building special camps?

White supremacists are stupid.

Chauvinists are stupid. 

Homophobes are stupid.

You are already privileged, so can you please allow others to rise above the level of sole existence?

Thank you.