Saturday, 11 December 2021

REASONS WHY YOU CAN'T MAKE/KEEP FRIENDS

"I don't have friends. I'm an introvert."

Nope, that is not the meaning of introvert and your introversion is not the reason why you are unable to make friends or sustain friendships.
An introverted person is simply a person who doesn't like large social gatherings. They prefer spending time indoors and with a selected group of people. But that says nothing about their social skills or ability to make friends.
If you are unable to make or keep friends, then some other reasons are involved as there are many extroverted people who struggle with the same issue.
Here are some reasons why you could be struggling to make or keep friends.
1. You are not approachable.
This could be for many reasons. It doesn't necessarily mean that you are an intimidating or bad person. It could be that people perceive you to be out of their reach (money, education, social status, etc) or not in tune with their personality (snobbish, eccentric, resting bitch face, loud, etc).
2. You lack initiative
This is about being shy and feeling inadequate about yourself. You are scared of rejection, so you'd rather not make the first move. This aspect of your personality may affect other areas of your life, like your career. Have you been stuck in the same job or position for years when you could easily move up the career ladder? Check if you are someone who struggles to leave their comfort zone and take risks.
3. You have a bad reputation
This doesn't say much about your person, but it does say a lot about your environment. I mean even agberos and criminals have friends. Sometimes you might be in the wrong environment where people do not make the effort to know you because you are different. You are often the object of nasty gossip and people judge you way before meeting you. And because of this preconceived idea that people have of you, you often find yourself involved in nasty confrontations which furthermore fuel your already bad reputation. The solution to this problem is to leave that environment as soon as you get the opportunity.
4. You don't put in effort
Friendships need nurturing. This doesn't mean seeing or speaking to each other every day. It simply means showing care and being dependable. Nobody wants a friend that they cannot count on. You may not always be available to help, but the times you do, you go extra miles for your friends.
5. You are entitled
Calling someone like you a friend would be farfetched since people like you do not care much about being friends with people. You are just leeches looking to milk people of everything they have: time, money, emotional support, network, etc. You are always demanding without ever giving back in return. In all honesty, someone like you is better lost than found.
6. You are impenetrable
It can be difficult to be vulnerable around people, but being friends with someone means trusting the other person enough to let them in. If people do not know you, they will struggle to connect with you. This doesn't mean you should open up to people immediately or at once, but you need to give out a piece of yourself in order to create that bond. Being overly secretive is a friendship killer.
7. You are not authentic
People seek your friendship because of the way you appear. Unfortunately your outward persona is not the same as your inward persona. Again this doesn't mean that you are a bad person. It could be that you find your personality boring, therefore you create a more interesting alter ego to attract people. However, maintaining this act is tasking and draining, so eventually your real self will prevail. You might be lucky to have friends who will like you regardless, but often times, they will just leave because "you are no longer the person they used to know".
8. Your life is full of drama
Again, you may not be a bad person. However, you are always involved in one drama or the other. And sometimes your friends get sucked into these dramas. Not everybody wants to deal with that kind of situation or energy.
"Show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are."
People are generally shallow, so they will often extend the opinion they have of you to your friends. Not everybody is nonchalant, so some people might find it tiring to have to dissociate themselves from you all the time. It's tough being the protagonist of a real-life soap opera, and some of your friends would rather not star in one.
9. You are a bad person
You may be good at making friends but these friendships never last. Your friendships either end with huge fights or with people literally running away from you. If this description fits you, then it's time you do a self assessment and accept that you are a crappy person who needs to do better. Gossiping about friends, lying about them or against them, using them to serve your needs then refusing to reciprocate, being envious, conspiring to destroy them or something they love, stealing from them, never standing up for them, not forewarning them about a dangerous person or situation, being friends with someone who has hurt them deeply, etc, are all terrible. If you are guilty of any of these, it's understandable why nobody would want to be friends with you. Try and do better.
In conclusion, you can be an introvert and still enjoy great friendships. I'm an ambivert. I function well in large gatherings, but I spend most of my time indoors. My life is basically work-home. It's so bad that during my stay in France, my landlady became worried that I might be depressed. I had to reassure her that I was fine and just didn't like going out that much. However, in spite of my reclusiveness, I have some of the best people as friends. And I'm a great friend to them too.
Everybody deserves to have friends, and saying that you don't have friends does not speak well of you. Human beings are social animals. Besides, you cannot succeed in this life without a strong support system.
So, even though it's just one or two, get yourself a friend. And be a good friend to them too.

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