TRANS FETISH – WHEN YOU BECOME TOO “WOMAN” FOR THE CIS STRAIGHT MAN

Elektra Abundance is the queen of shade. The woman that will read you to filth until you are left with picking not only your clothes but the very layer of your soul from the ground. She dominates the streets like she dominates her house and the ballroom. She is admired, feared, and envied by her children, her rivals, and the ballroom judges. She is the epitome of beauty, elegance, and quintessential queerness. She calls herself Abundance because her virtues and vices abound.

However, underneath that knock-hard six-foot-one of absolute gorgeousness, there is a woman, a trans woman who, for decades, has nurtured the secret desire to rid herself of all the physical evidence that exposes the identity that has been forced on her by Nature. However, at the fulfillment of that desire, she will experience what it feels like to be a “complete” woman in a world where women are a common commodity.

In season one of Pose, we learn that Elektra has been having an affair with a rich businessman called Richard “Dick” Ford for ten years. An affair that itself is a great feat since Elektra is in her 30s. Reason for which she is worried that he might replace her with a younger “model”. An event that would be a complete disaster since Dick is not just her lover but also her benefactor. Not to mention that he is completely opposed to her intention to have gender reassignment surgery.

“I like to think that you are a woman, with something extra that only I know about.”

While Elektra sees those extra parts as the reminder of an identity that she has never wanted, Dick sees them, instead, as the fulcrum of their relationship. Dick is a straight and married man who is having an affair with a trans woman because she still has her male genitalia intact. And he would do anything to keep it that way. What is the punishment for disobeying him? Elektra would lose all the comfort that she and her children have been enjoying so far.

But the woman is stubborn. Elektra passes, and that is something that is already worthy of envy in the trans community. However, she wants more than to pass. She wants to be, so, against the orders of her lover, she decides to go for the surgery. And just like Dick had promised, he breaks up with her, cuts off all financial support, and immediately replaces her with another trans woman who still has her “something extra”. With no other means to support herself, Elektra embarks on a mission to find another lover who will finance her bougie and princess lifestyle. Unfortunately, the search will prove more difficult, frustrating, and disappointing than she has imagined. None of the men she meets is interested in having an affair with a trans woman who is a woman in everything.

If you ask many black women who have dated white men, they will tell you that they often felt like these men never really liked them for their personas. Instead, they were attracted to them for their “exotic” look. These white men just wanted to experience the thrill of dating a black woman, so they never made the effort to truly know these women beyond the colour of their skin. These white men had a fetish for black women.

And guess what? It is not that different for trans women. Many of the cis straight men who date or have sex with trans women date them for the excitement. They are not interested in forming a bond with these women. Just like Dick, they see trans women’s bodies as something to be enjoyed in secrecy.

While white men with a black fetish reinforce racial stereotypes by encouraging the black women that they date to be “authentically black”, straight men who fetishize trans women reinforce transphobic stereotypes by promoting the idea that undergoing surgery strips trans women of their uniqueness.

There are trans women who want to enjoy everything feminine while maintaining their masculine appearance.

There are trans women who are content with their hormone therapy and do not want to have any surgery.

Then there are trans women who want to have a feminine appearance, boobs, and vagina.

For every one of these trans women, a trans fetish is harmful, as it tells trans women that there is only one way to be truly trans. And that transsexuality does not exist as an identity of its own but as a tool of male sexual gratification.

“If I wanted to date a woman, I would date a real woman.”

These men do not see trans women as women. To these men, trans women are the means to an end: their sexual gratification, their rebellion against society, and transgression. Once again, we see cis straight men imposing on a group of women a standard up to which many trans women cannot live.

In conclusion, a biological man who wants to become a woman and is attracted to cis straight men must come to terms with the fact that their dating life post-transition might turn out for the worst.

The majority of cis straight men won’t date you whether you pass or have had surgery.

Some cis straight men will date you, but only in secret.

And some other cis straight men will date you but only because you have a penis. You lose the penis, you lose them.

Trans women are the equivalent of feminist cis women: our dating pool is ridiculously small. Nevertheless, I want you to never ever settle.

Remember, if nobody will love you the way you want to be loved, then step in and do the loving by yourself.