Maintaining a cordial relationship with an ex has always been one of my objectives after a break up. Just because someone didn't make a good lover does not mean that they are bad a person.
I have been lucky with most of my ex boyfriends: they were kind, thoughtful and humane. I was recommended for a job which gave a massive boost to my resume' by an ex and I myself have been a saving grace to an ex when he needed help.
However, as life would want it, there are a couple of ex boyfriends I wouldn't be caught dead talking with. Hate might sound like a strong word, but that is exactly how I feel about them.
You see, how people react and treat you after a break up is the best indication of who they truly are as a person and how much value they attribute to you.
As messy as a break up can be, there is no reason why you and your ex cannot reach a common ground where you both admit your mistakes and bury the axes; but there are people who will go all the way to destroy and ruin you just because you said no to a reconciliation.
If you are that person who is fond of speaking ill of his or her ex lovers and never seems to find anything good to say about any of them, let me tell you now that it's either you are horrible person yourself or that you need to re-evaluate the kind of people that you date. Either ways, you have no business being in a relationship with anybody. It is obvious that you have unresolved issues with yourself. You need to do a self assessment to understand why you keep dating horrible people and why all your lovers end up leaving you.
IT IS NOT NORMAL FOR A PERSON TO HATE ALL OF HIS OR HER EX LOVERS.
You can have quibbles with some of them, you can even hate one or two of them, but to outright despise every single person you have ever dated, it means that something is definitely wrong with you.
If you keep finding yourself dating the same kind of people over and over again, even though you already know that that kind of relationship will not end well, then you might be dealing with some personality issues.
People with personality disorders often live their lives in a sort of loop where they make the same mistakes over and over again because they are not capable of recognising their own flaws. They live in this sort of delusion where they perfect and everyone else is imperfect. It's always the other person's fault, and never theirs.
It's never too late to admit that you might be the problem in your failed relationships. It's not a weakness to admit your faults, instead it is a strength: you know where you need improvement and you work to achieve it. Self awareness is one of the most powerful tools one needs to build successful relationships in every sphere of our lives. It's not to be underrated.
So, if after reading this piece, you realise that there are too many of your exes in your death list, then you might want to grab a pen and a sheet and do a thorough mental breakdown.
Ask yourself these questions:
1. How long did you know him or her before dating them?
2. How long did you date?
3. How long into your relationship did you start having problems?
4. Did you ever discuss these problems?
5. Were these or some of these problem pre-existent to your relationship?
6. How did you react to the break up?
7. Did you try to reconcile after a break up?
8. When he or she said so, what was your reaction?
9. Did you constantly complain about him or her to family and friends?
10. Did you intentionally never mention the actions on your part that led to the break up and instead focused solely on their reactions?
These are just a few, but they will help you understand where you stand.
Nobody is perfect. And sometimes we just have to admit that we ourselves were not good enough for someone we cared about deeply.
I have been lucky with most of my ex boyfriends: they were kind, thoughtful and humane. I was recommended for a job which gave a massive boost to my resume' by an ex and I myself have been a saving grace to an ex when he needed help.
However, as life would want it, there are a couple of ex boyfriends I wouldn't be caught dead talking with. Hate might sound like a strong word, but that is exactly how I feel about them.
You see, how people react and treat you after a break up is the best indication of who they truly are as a person and how much value they attribute to you.
As messy as a break up can be, there is no reason why you and your ex cannot reach a common ground where you both admit your mistakes and bury the axes; but there are people who will go all the way to destroy and ruin you just because you said no to a reconciliation.
If you are that person who is fond of speaking ill of his or her ex lovers and never seems to find anything good to say about any of them, let me tell you now that it's either you are horrible person yourself or that you need to re-evaluate the kind of people that you date. Either ways, you have no business being in a relationship with anybody. It is obvious that you have unresolved issues with yourself. You need to do a self assessment to understand why you keep dating horrible people and why all your lovers end up leaving you.
IT IS NOT NORMAL FOR A PERSON TO HATE ALL OF HIS OR HER EX LOVERS.
You can have quibbles with some of them, you can even hate one or two of them, but to outright despise every single person you have ever dated, it means that something is definitely wrong with you.
If you keep finding yourself dating the same kind of people over and over again, even though you already know that that kind of relationship will not end well, then you might be dealing with some personality issues.
People with personality disorders often live their lives in a sort of loop where they make the same mistakes over and over again because they are not capable of recognising their own flaws. They live in this sort of delusion where they perfect and everyone else is imperfect. It's always the other person's fault, and never theirs.
It's never too late to admit that you might be the problem in your failed relationships. It's not a weakness to admit your faults, instead it is a strength: you know where you need improvement and you work to achieve it. Self awareness is one of the most powerful tools one needs to build successful relationships in every sphere of our lives. It's not to be underrated.
So, if after reading this piece, you realise that there are too many of your exes in your death list, then you might want to grab a pen and a sheet and do a thorough mental breakdown.
Ask yourself these questions:
1. How long did you know him or her before dating them?
2. How long did you date?
3. How long into your relationship did you start having problems?
4. Did you ever discuss these problems?
5. Were these or some of these problem pre-existent to your relationship?
6. How did you react to the break up?
7. Did you try to reconcile after a break up?
8. When he or she said so, what was your reaction?
9. Did you constantly complain about him or her to family and friends?
10. Did you intentionally never mention the actions on your part that led to the break up and instead focused solely on their reactions?
These are just a few, but they will help you understand where you stand.
Nobody is perfect. And sometimes we just have to admit that we ourselves were not good enough for someone we cared about deeply.
No comments:
Post a Comment