Gossip is an activity that I believe we all indulge in from time to time. I myself do not shy away from hearing juicy details about someone or a situation. When handled in a "mature" and spite-free manner, gossip can become a useful tool in terms of knowing your social surroundings and how human beings are not as isolated as they think they are.
Many people are facing similar situations to yours and some people are yet to figure out problems you did a long time ago. Gossiping can even give you the break you so much desire from your own personal problems, or trigger the epiphany you have sought for a long time.
However, like every activity that pertains to human beings, gossiping can become extreme and transform into a social court of opinions where people are dissected, judged and executed.
In this particular case, the people who participate in these court sessions come to form a unilateral relationship with the (absent) defendant. In their minds they now know this person to their most intimate secrets. They might even start to believe that their "knowledge" sort of gives them a position of privilege in the person's life and that the person ought to acknowledge and respect them for this.
It's a very weird, but not so weird social and psychological conditioning: people can form a bond with a person who does not know of their existence. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a name for this phenomenon. This happens a lot between fans and their favourite celebrities, but it can also happen in our daily lives.
Have you ever experienced a situation where someone acted particularly familiar with you and you had absolutely no idea why that was happening? Have you ever wondered why someone you have never seen or even heard about is behind some rumours that involve you?
Some time ago, I was at the airport waiting for my train when a woman called out my name. I looked at her and I was completely clueless. I had no idea who she was. But she knew me, at least she knew my name. I confirmed that that was my name, but I still couldn't figure out where and how I had met her.
I worked around her age and assumed that she was probably one of those women with whom my mother liked to sit down and talk about how much of a terrible daughter and human being I was. However, her bond with me was unilateral. I was totally oblivious of her existence. I still wouldn't recognise her if I saw her today.
I'm sure she must have felt embarrassed and that the encounter reset her reality as far as I was concerned. I doubt that when next she hears my name, she will be eager to participate in the gossip. It wouldn't be make sense to talk about someone who ignores your existence.
However, this type of "you know me, but I don't you" kind of situation could become dangerous for the person who is known, but who doesn't know.
Earlier in the post, I mentioned celebrities and their fans. Internet and magazines feed them with news of their favourite celebrities and their lives, creating the illusion that these fans are somehow part of it. Most fans understand that these celebrities do not know them, but there are some who are already disillusioned and are willing to take on personal battles on behalf of their idols. Then we have a selected few who are literally obsessed with these famous people. This last group of people are the ones who could react with anger and frustration if they find out that their favourite celebrity does not reciprocate their bond.
We hear about fans who stalk their favourite celebrities. Some even think that they are best friends or in a relationship with these celebrities. This obsession can errupt in dangerous behaviours: the stalker might harm him or herself or even the celebrity if they are rejected. And in this age of easy access to information, it doesn't take long for anybody to gulp down pages and pages of details about a famous person's life and form a bond with him or her. It's a worrisome trend.
Gossip, if you want.
Famz, if you want.
But keep an eye on reality. These people do not know you. You have no power over them, and they do not owe you anything.
Keep it fun at all times.
Many people are facing similar situations to yours and some people are yet to figure out problems you did a long time ago. Gossiping can even give you the break you so much desire from your own personal problems, or trigger the epiphany you have sought for a long time.
However, like every activity that pertains to human beings, gossiping can become extreme and transform into a social court of opinions where people are dissected, judged and executed.
In this particular case, the people who participate in these court sessions come to form a unilateral relationship with the (absent) defendant. In their minds they now know this person to their most intimate secrets. They might even start to believe that their "knowledge" sort of gives them a position of privilege in the person's life and that the person ought to acknowledge and respect them for this.
It's a very weird, but not so weird social and psychological conditioning: people can form a bond with a person who does not know of their existence. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a name for this phenomenon. This happens a lot between fans and their favourite celebrities, but it can also happen in our daily lives.
Have you ever experienced a situation where someone acted particularly familiar with you and you had absolutely no idea why that was happening? Have you ever wondered why someone you have never seen or even heard about is behind some rumours that involve you?
Some time ago, I was at the airport waiting for my train when a woman called out my name. I looked at her and I was completely clueless. I had no idea who she was. But she knew me, at least she knew my name. I confirmed that that was my name, but I still couldn't figure out where and how I had met her.
I worked around her age and assumed that she was probably one of those women with whom my mother liked to sit down and talk about how much of a terrible daughter and human being I was. However, her bond with me was unilateral. I was totally oblivious of her existence. I still wouldn't recognise her if I saw her today.
I'm sure she must have felt embarrassed and that the encounter reset her reality as far as I was concerned. I doubt that when next she hears my name, she will be eager to participate in the gossip. It wouldn't be make sense to talk about someone who ignores your existence.
However, this type of "you know me, but I don't you" kind of situation could become dangerous for the person who is known, but who doesn't know.
Earlier in the post, I mentioned celebrities and their fans. Internet and magazines feed them with news of their favourite celebrities and their lives, creating the illusion that these fans are somehow part of it. Most fans understand that these celebrities do not know them, but there are some who are already disillusioned and are willing to take on personal battles on behalf of their idols. Then we have a selected few who are literally obsessed with these famous people. This last group of people are the ones who could react with anger and frustration if they find out that their favourite celebrity does not reciprocate their bond.
We hear about fans who stalk their favourite celebrities. Some even think that they are best friends or in a relationship with these celebrities. This obsession can errupt in dangerous behaviours: the stalker might harm him or herself or even the celebrity if they are rejected. And in this age of easy access to information, it doesn't take long for anybody to gulp down pages and pages of details about a famous person's life and form a bond with him or her. It's a worrisome trend.
Gossip, if you want.
Famz, if you want.
But keep an eye on reality. These people do not know you. You have no power over them, and they do not owe you anything.
Keep it fun at all times.
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