1. Correct without demeaning
I am sometimes guilty of this, but we should really learn how to correct people without demeaning the person, especially children.
When you correct a child without resorting to insults like stupid, foolish and idiot, you are more likely to raise a child who will have a healthy self esteem and who will also act more respectfully towards other people.
Remember that children reenact: a child who is constantly disrespected and humiliated whenever they make a mistake will disrespect and humiliate other children when these children make mistakes.
2. Tell them why they are wrong
Telling a child that he or she is wrong is not sufficient. They need to know why that action is wrong and how they can make amend.
Teaching kids that there are consequences for their actions is a great way of raising responsible adults. And by consequences I do not mean punishments and any other form of demeaning actions.
You can ground your child for doing something he or she is not supposed to do, but do not fail to tell him or her why they shouldn't have done that and how that action has affected the people around them.
3. Show affection
Telling your child that you love him or her does not make you weak, neither does it put you at the risk for being disrespected. Instead it helps them build a healthy understanding of what love is: love from others and love for others.
Also, when you are quick to lash out at your kid when he or she does something wrong, but withhold your affections when he or she is feeling down, it can cause them to become adults who are incapable of empathy and compassion. Perhaps they do not lack these traits, but they might not know how to express them because they never had examples of how one should act towards another person's pain.
4. Praise them
Training a kid is not the same as training a dog, but there are similar techniques you can use to shape them into better human beings.
Praising your kid when they do something good or succeed in a task is recommended. Let your kid know that you are proud of them and let them feel proud of themselves too.
Attention: do not over praise your kid by giving them treats every single time. It works for dogs because it reinforces good behaviour. But in humans it can lead to a sense of entitlement or to an unhealthy need for approval.
Kids who do not receive praise for their little successes could grow up to become overtly critical of themselves - feeling that they are not good enough, even at the expense of wearing themselves out.
5. Do not scold them for challenging you
You don't want an insolent kid. You want an obedient kid. You want your child to sit down when you ask him or her to sit down. You want them to stand up, eat, sleep, study, play, when you ask them and without questioning.
However a time will come when your kid will tell you no or ask you why they should do something. How you respond in this scenario will determine how your child will grow up to see figures of authority.
Try and make efforts to explain why they should follow your instructions, and if they refuse, let experience prove you right.
6. Don't scold them for being inquisitive
Children ask a lot of questions. They ask so many questions, that, at some point, you will want to pack your bags, drop your kid with someone somewhere and just travel far far away.
But don't. Look at the bright side: you have a smart and curious kid. And if you can't keep up with their questions, buy books, encyclopedias and make them watch documentaries. There are many ways you can satisfy your kid's thirst for knowledge without exhausting yourself.
Besides, it wouldn't be too bad if you learned something new, while trying to teach your kid.
7. Don't ask them to shy away from confrontation
We don't want our kids to become the kind of people who opt for aggressive and violent behaviours to resolve a conflict. Nobody wants that. However we do not want our kids to become passive receivers of aggressive and violent behaviours.
As you teach your kid that non violent verbal communication is the best way to go, let he or she also understand that they might have to put their foot down and engage in an open confrontation with a hostile opponent.
8. Apologise to them
Your kids are little human beings. They feel and they hurt. When you hurt your kids, the most reasonable thing to do is to tell them that you are sorry and make it up to them.
Your children will come to respect you more and become respectable people themselves.
They won't get used to people disrespecting them and not apologising, neither will they think it is all right to disrespect other people and expect them to just deal with it.
9. Teach them how to manage money
Back in the day, my father would give me 2000 lire every week. 2000 lire was the equivalent of €1 or thereabout. I used the money to purchase magazines and clothes for my barbies. Whenever the money was not sufficient to buy what I wanted, I simply saved up.
I don't know if that had anything to do with it, but today I am very good at managing my funds. I could even say that I am frugal with money.
If you give your child pocket money, you can monitor how they spend it. If they tend to mismanage it, you can teach them how to save and correct any irresponsible behaviours right from the start.
When they are old enough, encourage them to take on a part time job.
10. Teach them how to care for themselves
This is not the same as what we do in Nigeria, where we use children as domestic appliances and slaves all in the name of training them.
This is about teaching your kid the importance of order and tidiness. Your kid should learn how to make his or her bed, tidy up the room, sweep the floor and do the washing up. And as they grow older, their responsibilities in the house should increase.
When they start working, make them contribute to the bills. It might be the internet connection or the TV cable. They should get used to the idea that one day they will live on their own and that they will pay bills.
11. Teach them sex education
Sex is not a bad thing. Sex is as natural as the hair growing on your head, and whether you like it or not, your child will grow up to have sex.
I am sure you do not want them to have sex too early, with the wrong person or in the wrong circumstances, so you must teach them about their bodies (genitalia, reproduction and inappropriate touching), safe sex and consent.
Don't wait until her wedding day to start telling your daughter about sex. Chances are she even knows more than you at this point and that she and her future husband are already having it.
Boys and girls alike need to know the fundamental of sex and it is your job as a parent to teach them.
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Do you have more points? Drop them in the comment section. Or you can disagree. I'm open to discussion.
I am sometimes guilty of this, but we should really learn how to correct people without demeaning the person, especially children.
When you correct a child without resorting to insults like stupid, foolish and idiot, you are more likely to raise a child who will have a healthy self esteem and who will also act more respectfully towards other people.
Remember that children reenact: a child who is constantly disrespected and humiliated whenever they make a mistake will disrespect and humiliate other children when these children make mistakes.
2. Tell them why they are wrong
Telling a child that he or she is wrong is not sufficient. They need to know why that action is wrong and how they can make amend.
Teaching kids that there are consequences for their actions is a great way of raising responsible adults. And by consequences I do not mean punishments and any other form of demeaning actions.
You can ground your child for doing something he or she is not supposed to do, but do not fail to tell him or her why they shouldn't have done that and how that action has affected the people around them.
3. Show affection
Telling your child that you love him or her does not make you weak, neither does it put you at the risk for being disrespected. Instead it helps them build a healthy understanding of what love is: love from others and love for others.
Also, when you are quick to lash out at your kid when he or she does something wrong, but withhold your affections when he or she is feeling down, it can cause them to become adults who are incapable of empathy and compassion. Perhaps they do not lack these traits, but they might not know how to express them because they never had examples of how one should act towards another person's pain.
4. Praise them
Training a kid is not the same as training a dog, but there are similar techniques you can use to shape them into better human beings.
Praising your kid when they do something good or succeed in a task is recommended. Let your kid know that you are proud of them and let them feel proud of themselves too.
Attention: do not over praise your kid by giving them treats every single time. It works for dogs because it reinforces good behaviour. But in humans it can lead to a sense of entitlement or to an unhealthy need for approval.
Kids who do not receive praise for their little successes could grow up to become overtly critical of themselves - feeling that they are not good enough, even at the expense of wearing themselves out.
5. Do not scold them for challenging you
You don't want an insolent kid. You want an obedient kid. You want your child to sit down when you ask him or her to sit down. You want them to stand up, eat, sleep, study, play, when you ask them and without questioning.
However a time will come when your kid will tell you no or ask you why they should do something. How you respond in this scenario will determine how your child will grow up to see figures of authority.
Try and make efforts to explain why they should follow your instructions, and if they refuse, let experience prove you right.
6. Don't scold them for being inquisitive
Children ask a lot of questions. They ask so many questions, that, at some point, you will want to pack your bags, drop your kid with someone somewhere and just travel far far away.
But don't. Look at the bright side: you have a smart and curious kid. And if you can't keep up with their questions, buy books, encyclopedias and make them watch documentaries. There are many ways you can satisfy your kid's thirst for knowledge without exhausting yourself.
Besides, it wouldn't be too bad if you learned something new, while trying to teach your kid.
7. Don't ask them to shy away from confrontation
We don't want our kids to become the kind of people who opt for aggressive and violent behaviours to resolve a conflict. Nobody wants that. However we do not want our kids to become passive receivers of aggressive and violent behaviours.
As you teach your kid that non violent verbal communication is the best way to go, let he or she also understand that they might have to put their foot down and engage in an open confrontation with a hostile opponent.
8. Apologise to them
Your kids are little human beings. They feel and they hurt. When you hurt your kids, the most reasonable thing to do is to tell them that you are sorry and make it up to them.
Your children will come to respect you more and become respectable people themselves.
They won't get used to people disrespecting them and not apologising, neither will they think it is all right to disrespect other people and expect them to just deal with it.
9. Teach them how to manage money
Back in the day, my father would give me 2000 lire every week. 2000 lire was the equivalent of €1 or thereabout. I used the money to purchase magazines and clothes for my barbies. Whenever the money was not sufficient to buy what I wanted, I simply saved up.
I don't know if that had anything to do with it, but today I am very good at managing my funds. I could even say that I am frugal with money.
If you give your child pocket money, you can monitor how they spend it. If they tend to mismanage it, you can teach them how to save and correct any irresponsible behaviours right from the start.
When they are old enough, encourage them to take on a part time job.
10. Teach them how to care for themselves
This is not the same as what we do in Nigeria, where we use children as domestic appliances and slaves all in the name of training them.
This is about teaching your kid the importance of order and tidiness. Your kid should learn how to make his or her bed, tidy up the room, sweep the floor and do the washing up. And as they grow older, their responsibilities in the house should increase.
When they start working, make them contribute to the bills. It might be the internet connection or the TV cable. They should get used to the idea that one day they will live on their own and that they will pay bills.
11. Teach them sex education
Sex is not a bad thing. Sex is as natural as the hair growing on your head, and whether you like it or not, your child will grow up to have sex.
I am sure you do not want them to have sex too early, with the wrong person or in the wrong circumstances, so you must teach them about their bodies (genitalia, reproduction and inappropriate touching), safe sex and consent.
Don't wait until her wedding day to start telling your daughter about sex. Chances are she even knows more than you at this point and that she and her future husband are already having it.
Boys and girls alike need to know the fundamental of sex and it is your job as a parent to teach them.
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Do you have more points? Drop them in the comment section. Or you can disagree. I'm open to discussion.
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