Unlike women who have to be strategic about the kind of men they date, men are allowed to be carefree when it comes to the choice of a partner.
The society itself gives men the liberty and privilege to never have to worry about how intelligent, rich or beautiful a woman is. And that's because the marriageability of a woman has nothing to do with how beautiful, intelligent and rich she is.
Instead it all boils down to how domesticated, religious, submissive and tolerant she is. Anybody can be that. From the girl in the rural village who has never seen the walls of a classroom and doesn't even know what a N1,000 note looks like, to the super educated and super accomplished CEO of a company she started from scratch.
Intelligence and money are valued in men because of the role they are expected to play in the marriage, but these qualities are not considered important for a woman who just has to cook, clean and bear children for her husband.
Sure, men are fascinated with women who have it all together, but when it comes to marriage they would rather not. And if they do, they know exactly what they have to do to make sure that she never for once thinks she can usurp his authority.
It's not just enough that you are placed by the virtue of your sex at the top of the social hierarchy, you have to make sure that in any moment and in every place, you are recognised as the most important person in that marriage.
Whether you marry up, equally or down, it doesn't matter. As a man you still have to exercise your power to the fullest.
How does he do it?
1. When a man marries down.
You'd say, he married down. He already holds the power in the relationship, what else?
Except there is something else.
When a man marries down, he is often putting the success of his relationship over his own personal taste. Perhaps there are men who like average women, but I like to think that even the most mediocre of all men wants the best things life can offer, including in his choice of a partner.
"I can do better than you."
The best way to control his poor average wife is to constantly remind her that she is replaceable. Because the truth is, she is replaceable. She is average as fuck.
When a man who married down wants to cheat, he cheats with women who are far better than his wife.
Why didn't just marry one of these women then?
Because my dear, these women are high maintenance.
2. When a man marries up.
When a man marries up, you would expect him to behave and be careful, appreciative even. But, no. The society says that a man must lead, so he must prove to her that he is the rightful leader of the relationship.
Take a gathering of men. You can hardly tell whose wife is mediocre and whose wife is a rare breed. Reason is, almost all these men engage in the same kind of behaviours. They are unfaithful, bossy and arrogant.
How can a man who is married to a woman who is out of his league, convince that woman that she is not good enough? Does he cheat on her with higher females?
Dude, this man already had to pull out his A-game to get this woman. Nobody wants to go through that kind of stress over and over again.
Instead he opts for something simpler, but effective.
What is worse than being told that you are not as good as someone who is really better than you?
It is being told that you are not as good as someone you are clearly better than. Reverse psychology.
Since the criteria to be a good wife is feed me well, serve me well and obey me in all for all, no woman is ever more special than another woman.
Yes, I know. Objectively there are women out there who are floating in the clouds of divinity. But we are talking about what the society says, and the society says that you are never too good for any man.
When a man who married up wants to cheat, he cheats with lesser females.
And surprisingly, women fall for it.
Think of all those "from my inbox" messages. Think of Nollywood. Think of Tee Billz.
"You are not around to cook, she is."
"You are not around to clean, she is."
"You are not around to take care of the kids, she is."
"You are not around to sexually satisfy me, she is."
And the public will side with him in a grand roaring.
"As a woman, your marriage and family come first. If your job is taking too much of your time, quit it. If your looks are attracting too much male attention, tone it down. If you buy any properties, buy them in your husband's name."
And that is how a woman who can do better starts thinking that she is not good enough.
3. When a man marries equally.
He simply applies both techniques: I can do better than you and you are not different from any other woman out there.
-------------
Self awareness and awareness are the keys. Women need to start understanding the twisted manipulations that happen in the society.
You are not crazy, my dear. Perhaps you are, but you might not be as crazy as you think you are.
Think.
The society itself gives men the liberty and privilege to never have to worry about how intelligent, rich or beautiful a woman is. And that's because the marriageability of a woman has nothing to do with how beautiful, intelligent and rich she is.
Instead it all boils down to how domesticated, religious, submissive and tolerant she is. Anybody can be that. From the girl in the rural village who has never seen the walls of a classroom and doesn't even know what a N1,000 note looks like, to the super educated and super accomplished CEO of a company she started from scratch.
Intelligence and money are valued in men because of the role they are expected to play in the marriage, but these qualities are not considered important for a woman who just has to cook, clean and bear children for her husband.
Sure, men are fascinated with women who have it all together, but when it comes to marriage they would rather not. And if they do, they know exactly what they have to do to make sure that she never for once thinks she can usurp his authority.
It's not just enough that you are placed by the virtue of your sex at the top of the social hierarchy, you have to make sure that in any moment and in every place, you are recognised as the most important person in that marriage.
Whether you marry up, equally or down, it doesn't matter. As a man you still have to exercise your power to the fullest.
How does he do it?
1. When a man marries down.
You'd say, he married down. He already holds the power in the relationship, what else?
Except there is something else.
When a man marries down, he is often putting the success of his relationship over his own personal taste. Perhaps there are men who like average women, but I like to think that even the most mediocre of all men wants the best things life can offer, including in his choice of a partner.
"I can do better than you."
The best way to control his poor average wife is to constantly remind her that she is replaceable. Because the truth is, she is replaceable. She is average as fuck.
When a man who married down wants to cheat, he cheats with women who are far better than his wife.
Why didn't just marry one of these women then?
Because my dear, these women are high maintenance.
2. When a man marries up.
When a man marries up, you would expect him to behave and be careful, appreciative even. But, no. The society says that a man must lead, so he must prove to her that he is the rightful leader of the relationship.
Take a gathering of men. You can hardly tell whose wife is mediocre and whose wife is a rare breed. Reason is, almost all these men engage in the same kind of behaviours. They are unfaithful, bossy and arrogant.
How can a man who is married to a woman who is out of his league, convince that woman that she is not good enough? Does he cheat on her with higher females?
Dude, this man already had to pull out his A-game to get this woman. Nobody wants to go through that kind of stress over and over again.
Instead he opts for something simpler, but effective.
What is worse than being told that you are not as good as someone who is really better than you?
It is being told that you are not as good as someone you are clearly better than. Reverse psychology.
Since the criteria to be a good wife is feed me well, serve me well and obey me in all for all, no woman is ever more special than another woman.
Yes, I know. Objectively there are women out there who are floating in the clouds of divinity. But we are talking about what the society says, and the society says that you are never too good for any man.
When a man who married up wants to cheat, he cheats with lesser females.
And surprisingly, women fall for it.
Think of all those "from my inbox" messages. Think of Nollywood. Think of Tee Billz.
"You are not around to cook, she is."
"You are not around to clean, she is."
"You are not around to take care of the kids, she is."
"You are not around to sexually satisfy me, she is."
And the public will side with him in a grand roaring.
"As a woman, your marriage and family come first. If your job is taking too much of your time, quit it. If your looks are attracting too much male attention, tone it down. If you buy any properties, buy them in your husband's name."
And that is how a woman who can do better starts thinking that she is not good enough.
3. When a man marries equally.
He simply applies both techniques: I can do better than you and you are not different from any other woman out there.
-------------
Self awareness and awareness are the keys. Women need to start understanding the twisted manipulations that happen in the society.
You are not crazy, my dear. Perhaps you are, but you might not be as crazy as you think you are.
Think.
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