Few weeks ago, I asked a question on my profile, "Do you believe in retribution?" Only one person commented, and it was in a sarcastic tone.
I deleted the post and moved on. Even though only one had replied, it was enough for me to figure out the kind of people who occupy my space on Facebook.
I needn't them to answer as I already had enough data from the fourteen years I have been active online.
Nigerians do believe in retribution. However, instead of it to be a "do me, I do you" type of retribution, it is mostly a "do me, I do am" type of retribution. A sort of chain reaction.
Since the Nigerian society is hierarchical, the top members do the dishing out, while the bottom members do the swallowing down.
There is no fluidity in the society. The chances of you ever moving to the top is so low that you will probably end up dying as an ass tag. And if you are a woman, there is always a limit to how high you can go. There will always be someone above you.
Take our cultural indoctrination, mix it with religious indoctrination, add the violence and top up with this insane fear of authority, and you have a society where a low ranking Nigerian may never have the chance of paying back a high ranking Nigerian for what they have done, unless the former has the guts of an elephant.
Nigerians carry their hurt around, they bottle it up and they push it down until they meet someone who ranks even lower than them, then they unleash their anger.
When you see a Nigerian person venting against another person, if you listen closely, you will notice that the second person is not even the one responsible for their anger. The first person has just been carrying it around for a long time.
Think of mob lynchings, jungle justice, social media dramas, etc.
I know this because I have been there.
During the years I lived with my mother, there was this anger that I carried around. I was constantly angry and I knew the source of my anger, but there was nothing I could do.
I lived under her roof, and I was just a kid. Italy is not a country where teachers notice a scar on your face and send the carabinieri, social services and the priest to your house. Those motherfuckers own the mafia.
For social services to intervene in a case of child abuse, the kid has to look malnourished, they have to stink and they have to have some flesh eating disease due to their poor hygiene. I did get acne later in life, but acne is a normal occurrence in teenagers. So my face looked like I could grate cheese on it, but it wasn't sufficient to send a rescue team.
In order to dissipate my anger towards my mother, I lashed out online. I was rude, callous, uncouth, obnoxious, just a horrible horrible person. Yuck.
My mother on the other hand was chilled. She didn't feel she owed me another apology. She was convinced that as my mother, she had the right to treat me anyhow she pleased.
Now, the case of Hateful Tongue was different. She was convinced that she had leverage because she was the girlfriend, she was Yoruba and because she was physically stronger than me.
I didn't. I didn't even agree that my mother could treat me poorly, much less this thing from Cinque. First of all her first two reasons were dumb. Who gives a fuck whether you are the wife or girlfriend or from Sokoto?
However I agree that her third reason was legit to some extent, but I have this craze that makes me kind of kamikaze-ish (read of how I slapped a guy who could have easily broken me into two), so I still ended up not giving a fuck.
The girl caught me during a time in my life when I was frustrated - yes, that is the term - because of my mother. To me, she was just another dumb ass Nigerian like the rest of the people I spent my days fighting online. If she had come at me today, I probably wouldn't even react.
No, I am just fucking with you. There is nothing more fun than cussing the shit of dumb ass bitches who come inbox to warn you to stay away from their boyfriends. Losers.
The point is, my mother and that girl felt that they had the right to misbehave. They knew that they were acting bad, but they didn't care.
There are many examples of people who do bad things because they believe that it is their goddamn right to misbehave: elders, rich people, politicians, men, husbands, fathers, mothers, bosses, teachers, older siblings, seniors at school, class prefects, etc.
This is why I believe in retribution, and this is also why I do not feel any guilt whatsoever when I pay back in full.
Even my mode of retribution has upgraded. No more "Do me, I do am". It is now and always "Do me, I do you till the end of time, motherfucker".
I still have to work on the severity of my retribution, but I am proud of how good I have become in facing the person that shat in my yard and ignoring their sidekicks.
Two years ago, while I was battling with an ex to get back the money that I had loaned him, I completely ignored his facially deformed fiancee who was barking in the background.
My attitude towards her was not nice, but I never misbehaved towards her. It was a choice that I made, just like I could have made the choice to misbehave instead (she doesn't know that I think she is facially deformed and I never mentioned it in any of my rants to the ex).
I have really matured.
---------------
Conclusion: if you decide to forgive a person who has misbehaved towards you, bear it in mind that they are not remorseful and that they will do it again because the circumstances that led them to behave that way are non-mutating circumstances.
We come from a country where forgiveness is treated as a validation for bad behaviour.
Remember, the world is not home to good people.
I deleted the post and moved on. Even though only one had replied, it was enough for me to figure out the kind of people who occupy my space on Facebook.
I needn't them to answer as I already had enough data from the fourteen years I have been active online.
Nigerians do believe in retribution. However, instead of it to be a "do me, I do you" type of retribution, it is mostly a "do me, I do am" type of retribution. A sort of chain reaction.
Since the Nigerian society is hierarchical, the top members do the dishing out, while the bottom members do the swallowing down.
There is no fluidity in the society. The chances of you ever moving to the top is so low that you will probably end up dying as an ass tag. And if you are a woman, there is always a limit to how high you can go. There will always be someone above you.
Take our cultural indoctrination, mix it with religious indoctrination, add the violence and top up with this insane fear of authority, and you have a society where a low ranking Nigerian may never have the chance of paying back a high ranking Nigerian for what they have done, unless the former has the guts of an elephant.
Nigerians carry their hurt around, they bottle it up and they push it down until they meet someone who ranks even lower than them, then they unleash their anger.
When you see a Nigerian person venting against another person, if you listen closely, you will notice that the second person is not even the one responsible for their anger. The first person has just been carrying it around for a long time.
Think of mob lynchings, jungle justice, social media dramas, etc.
I know this because I have been there.
During the years I lived with my mother, there was this anger that I carried around. I was constantly angry and I knew the source of my anger, but there was nothing I could do.
I lived under her roof, and I was just a kid. Italy is not a country where teachers notice a scar on your face and send the carabinieri, social services and the priest to your house. Those motherfuckers own the mafia.
For social services to intervene in a case of child abuse, the kid has to look malnourished, they have to stink and they have to have some flesh eating disease due to their poor hygiene. I did get acne later in life, but acne is a normal occurrence in teenagers. So my face looked like I could grate cheese on it, but it wasn't sufficient to send a rescue team.
In order to dissipate my anger towards my mother, I lashed out online. I was rude, callous, uncouth, obnoxious, just a horrible horrible person. Yuck.
My mother on the other hand was chilled. She didn't feel she owed me another apology. She was convinced that as my mother, she had the right to treat me anyhow she pleased.
Now, the case of Hateful Tongue was different. She was convinced that she had leverage because she was the girlfriend, she was Yoruba and because she was physically stronger than me.
I didn't. I didn't even agree that my mother could treat me poorly, much less this thing from Cinque. First of all her first two reasons were dumb. Who gives a fuck whether you are the wife or girlfriend or from Sokoto?
However I agree that her third reason was legit to some extent, but I have this craze that makes me kind of kamikaze-ish (read of how I slapped a guy who could have easily broken me into two), so I still ended up not giving a fuck.
The girl caught me during a time in my life when I was frustrated - yes, that is the term - because of my mother. To me, she was just another dumb ass Nigerian like the rest of the people I spent my days fighting online. If she had come at me today, I probably wouldn't even react.
No, I am just fucking with you. There is nothing more fun than cussing the shit of dumb ass bitches who come inbox to warn you to stay away from their boyfriends. Losers.
The point is, my mother and that girl felt that they had the right to misbehave. They knew that they were acting bad, but they didn't care.
There are many examples of people who do bad things because they believe that it is their goddamn right to misbehave: elders, rich people, politicians, men, husbands, fathers, mothers, bosses, teachers, older siblings, seniors at school, class prefects, etc.
This is why I believe in retribution, and this is also why I do not feel any guilt whatsoever when I pay back in full.
Even my mode of retribution has upgraded. No more "Do me, I do am". It is now and always "Do me, I do you till the end of time, motherfucker".
I still have to work on the severity of my retribution, but I am proud of how good I have become in facing the person that shat in my yard and ignoring their sidekicks.
Two years ago, while I was battling with an ex to get back the money that I had loaned him, I completely ignored his facially deformed fiancee who was barking in the background.
My attitude towards her was not nice, but I never misbehaved towards her. It was a choice that I made, just like I could have made the choice to misbehave instead (she doesn't know that I think she is facially deformed and I never mentioned it in any of my rants to the ex).
I have really matured.
---------------
Conclusion: if you decide to forgive a person who has misbehaved towards you, bear it in mind that they are not remorseful and that they will do it again because the circumstances that led them to behave that way are non-mutating circumstances.
We come from a country where forgiveness is treated as a validation for bad behaviour.
Remember, the world is not home to good people.
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