In English these lots are described as callous and rude. These same people would probably describe themselves as blunt and straightforward. Pay them no attention. They are simply callous and rude, aka assholes.
Rude and callous people are people who do not consider the situation, circumstances and the recipient's feelings when voicing their opinions. As far as they are concerned, they are speaking their minds, which they also believe is the truth, so the recipient ought to accept their words with maturity and composure.
Indeed.
I wouldn't mind accepting assholery if assholes did not have problems accepting other people's assholery. You see, assholes are good are dishing it out, but they are also bad at swallowing it in.
I grew up in a home where people spoke to me without any regards for my feelings. If you read my series about my mother, you'd know that she could be rude, callous and even vile. As a defence mechanism, I developed the habit of speaking without regards too.
One thing about the Italians is that they are not rude, but won't accept your rudeness in silence.
After being told several times that I was tactless, stupid and just a total asshole, I started to temper my words. I became more mindful of what I said and especially of how I said it.
In Nigeria and among Nigerians, this doesn't happen. Because people are just in the habit of talking without thinking of the implications of said words. The same person who complains that you have been rude to him or her, has just finished being rude to someone else. It's a "face me, I face you" kind of situation.
I adopted the Italian system of not speaking rudely to people, but I also adopted their system of bringing your attention to your nasty attitude in one way or the other. I can either tell you that you are rude, or I can go further to demand an apology; and if you insist on being an idiot, I'll repay you in the same coin.
"M., I am beautiful and you are ugly".
Facially you are OK, but from your neck down you are the human equivalent of an ogbono soup that doesn't drool. Also, your fashion sense is horrible.
"M., with your character you can never marry an African men."
Dude, with your low intellect you can never date a graduate.
"M., if the person you like is who I think he is, let me tell you now that nothing can ever happen between the two of you."
*I confronted him and demanded an apology. I still hate him till date. It turned out that the person actually liked me but that his family hated my guts. The asshole was a member of that family.*
"Your assumption that I was coming back to you is ridiculous."
*When did it become a crime to tell an ex that you still have feelings for him? I did something so awful which resulted in him running to complain about how he couldn't have been that mean to his own enemy.*
Calling out rude people is fine, but personally I prefer to serve them my own version of their soup. They are always fun to watch as they bitch and wail about how you have just hurt their feelings.
Back in those days, after my mother had finished talking I would just stare at her in silence. I would assume that she thought that her wisdom had left me speechless and set me on a mental journey of deep reflection and contemplation. She was right. Except that I was wondering if she realised how stupid she sounded. One time I even opened the car door and threatened to jump out while she was driving, if she had not taken back the dumbshit she had just said. It was a critically dramatic scene.
But did my attempt at The Transporter further dissuade her from being an asshole? Hell, no.
You see, people who are rude and callous have a low emotional intelligence (EQ). It doesn't mean that they are stupid even though their manner of speech might suggest that they are.
Take Sheldon Cooper, for example. The guy is a genius, yet, his lack of tact and empathy makes him one of the dumbest people on The Big Bang Theory. Nobody can stand him. Everybody, instead, prefers Penny, who is the least intellectually smart character on the show.
You can have the IQ of a genius. You can be excellent at understanding concepts. You can even come up philosophies and mind blowing scientific theories. Nevertheless, if you do not consider people's feelings when you talk, you will always be the stupidest person in the room; and nobody likes talking with stupid people. Even stupid people do not like talking with other stupid people.
The only solution to this problem is to recognise that you have a problem with the way you speak and work on it. Just like your IQ, your EQ can be improved. All you have to do is think of whether you would like to be at the receiving end of what you are about to say.
Start making efforts today to become a better human being.
Prayer point for today: God, take away my wisdom and understanding and replace it with a decent emotional intelligence.
PS: A decent EQ is enough. A high EQ makes you the perfect bait for narcissists and sets you on the path to clinical depression.
Rude and callous people are people who do not consider the situation, circumstances and the recipient's feelings when voicing their opinions. As far as they are concerned, they are speaking their minds, which they also believe is the truth, so the recipient ought to accept their words with maturity and composure.
Indeed.
I wouldn't mind accepting assholery if assholes did not have problems accepting other people's assholery. You see, assholes are good are dishing it out, but they are also bad at swallowing it in.
I grew up in a home where people spoke to me without any regards for my feelings. If you read my series about my mother, you'd know that she could be rude, callous and even vile. As a defence mechanism, I developed the habit of speaking without regards too.
One thing about the Italians is that they are not rude, but won't accept your rudeness in silence.
After being told several times that I was tactless, stupid and just a total asshole, I started to temper my words. I became more mindful of what I said and especially of how I said it.
In Nigeria and among Nigerians, this doesn't happen. Because people are just in the habit of talking without thinking of the implications of said words. The same person who complains that you have been rude to him or her, has just finished being rude to someone else. It's a "face me, I face you" kind of situation.
I adopted the Italian system of not speaking rudely to people, but I also adopted their system of bringing your attention to your nasty attitude in one way or the other. I can either tell you that you are rude, or I can go further to demand an apology; and if you insist on being an idiot, I'll repay you in the same coin.
"M., I am beautiful and you are ugly".
Facially you are OK, but from your neck down you are the human equivalent of an ogbono soup that doesn't drool. Also, your fashion sense is horrible.
"M., with your character you can never marry an African men."
Dude, with your low intellect you can never date a graduate.
"M., if the person you like is who I think he is, let me tell you now that nothing can ever happen between the two of you."
*I confronted him and demanded an apology. I still hate him till date. It turned out that the person actually liked me but that his family hated my guts. The asshole was a member of that family.*
"Your assumption that I was coming back to you is ridiculous."
*When did it become a crime to tell an ex that you still have feelings for him? I did something so awful which resulted in him running to complain about how he couldn't have been that mean to his own enemy.*
Calling out rude people is fine, but personally I prefer to serve them my own version of their soup. They are always fun to watch as they bitch and wail about how you have just hurt their feelings.
Back in those days, after my mother had finished talking I would just stare at her in silence. I would assume that she thought that her wisdom had left me speechless and set me on a mental journey of deep reflection and contemplation. She was right. Except that I was wondering if she realised how stupid she sounded. One time I even opened the car door and threatened to jump out while she was driving, if she had not taken back the dumbshit she had just said. It was a critically dramatic scene.
But did my attempt at The Transporter further dissuade her from being an asshole? Hell, no.
You see, people who are rude and callous have a low emotional intelligence (EQ). It doesn't mean that they are stupid even though their manner of speech might suggest that they are.
Take Sheldon Cooper, for example. The guy is a genius, yet, his lack of tact and empathy makes him one of the dumbest people on The Big Bang Theory. Nobody can stand him. Everybody, instead, prefers Penny, who is the least intellectually smart character on the show.
You can have the IQ of a genius. You can be excellent at understanding concepts. You can even come up philosophies and mind blowing scientific theories. Nevertheless, if you do not consider people's feelings when you talk, you will always be the stupidest person in the room; and nobody likes talking with stupid people. Even stupid people do not like talking with other stupid people.
The only solution to this problem is to recognise that you have a problem with the way you speak and work on it. Just like your IQ, your EQ can be improved. All you have to do is think of whether you would like to be at the receiving end of what you are about to say.
Start making efforts today to become a better human being.
Prayer point for today: God, take away my wisdom and understanding and replace it with a decent emotional intelligence.
PS: A decent EQ is enough. A high EQ makes you the perfect bait for narcissists and sets you on the path to clinical depression.
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