Given the influence social and cultural settings have on heterosexual couples, when considering a long term partner, both men and women must act and choose strategically in order to guarantee the success of their relationship, and most importantly, of their emotional and mental well being.
While it may seem that both choices should be complementary - men should be this way, while women should be that way - it may surprise you to know that what may work well for a man, might not in opposite work well for a woman.
One golden rule that women must observe is this: since men are expected, by social construct, to hold more power in the relationship, avoid creating situations where you give him this power naturally by making wrong choices.
1. Do not date or marry a man who is more attractive than you.
Sex is considered a man's thing. Cheating is considered a man's thing. But that is just by societal ruling. The society knows that naturally both men and women seek to enjoy sex. It just won't allow women to be part of this pleasure. To stop women from acting like sexual beings, the society has taken several measures to control her sexual behaviours, like teaching her that virginity is her dignity, or threatening her loved ones with death in case of infidelity on her part. Let's not forget the slut shaming, the victim blaming and female genital mutilation.
The word is: women can only have sex with one man and it must be in the confines of holy matrimony.
Indeed.
In real life things play out differently. Just because you don't want to have sex with multiple men does not mean that multiple men do not want to have sex with you. Those multiple men are your options and those options tend to increase the more attractive you are.
Even though a man is aware that socially and culturally he is allowed to have sex outside his relationship, knowing that you too can be doing the same, if you decide to forgo cultural and social inhibitions, will force him to behave or at least be discreet about his escapades.
Remember when I wrote that men would often choose not so attractive women when they want to get married? It is true. Men do not want to be cheated on and they do not want to be dumped. Getting married to an ugly woman is their safest bet.
Even men are aware of the power of beauty, so it doesn't make any sense for a woman to give up her power of choice in a society that wishes to take it away from her in the first place.
Looks is something that needs to be balanced as much as possible in a relationship. You and your partner should be on an equal level of attractiveness.
You shouldn't be significantly less attractive and you shouldn't be significantly more attractive either.
A man knows very well when his partner is too pretty for him, and a lot of times he will engage in controlling and abusive behaviours just to make sure that she doesn't exercise her power of choice.
"Take a woman who is an 8, treat like she was a 5 and she will become grateful for being with you even though you are just a 6."
2. Your man must either be almost as smart as you are or slightly smarter.
When you have to make decisions, resolve a conflict or just generally run your day to day activities, it is important that your input is valued and that your opinions weigh as much as his.
In a society where men are expected to make the final decision when both parties cannot reach an agreement, it would be stupid for any woman to allow a man who is not as smart and knowledgeable as she is by a far margin to hold this kind of power.
This is not to say that as a woman you have to concede all the time. This is to say that as a woman, if you wish to concede, you should not have to worry about your man making a stupid decision.
3. Your must be financially autonomous.
There is no rule to how much money you can have more or less than your man, but you must always have enough money to make financial decisions about yourself without any help from him.
If you are richer than your man, you are good to go.
If you are not as rich as your man, do not become too comfortable by relying on his money and forgoing the opportunities to increase yours.
One of the reasons why divorces often become messy and expensive is because the less rich partner has become comfortable living off the richer partner and does not want to give up that life style after a divorce.
Yes, you will lose the comfort anyway. But losing your comfort should not mean a massive downgrade in your living standard.
Have your own money, keep and nurture your own source of income and you will never have to relinquish your financial power.
--------------
These are the three golden rules a woman should observe, but of course we all are free to make our choices and even make dumb ones.
While it may seem that both choices should be complementary - men should be this way, while women should be that way - it may surprise you to know that what may work well for a man, might not in opposite work well for a woman.
One golden rule that women must observe is this: since men are expected, by social construct, to hold more power in the relationship, avoid creating situations where you give him this power naturally by making wrong choices.
1. Do not date or marry a man who is more attractive than you.
Sex is considered a man's thing. Cheating is considered a man's thing. But that is just by societal ruling. The society knows that naturally both men and women seek to enjoy sex. It just won't allow women to be part of this pleasure. To stop women from acting like sexual beings, the society has taken several measures to control her sexual behaviours, like teaching her that virginity is her dignity, or threatening her loved ones with death in case of infidelity on her part. Let's not forget the slut shaming, the victim blaming and female genital mutilation.
The word is: women can only have sex with one man and it must be in the confines of holy matrimony.
Indeed.
In real life things play out differently. Just because you don't want to have sex with multiple men does not mean that multiple men do not want to have sex with you. Those multiple men are your options and those options tend to increase the more attractive you are.
Even though a man is aware that socially and culturally he is allowed to have sex outside his relationship, knowing that you too can be doing the same, if you decide to forgo cultural and social inhibitions, will force him to behave or at least be discreet about his escapades.
Remember when I wrote that men would often choose not so attractive women when they want to get married? It is true. Men do not want to be cheated on and they do not want to be dumped. Getting married to an ugly woman is their safest bet.
Even men are aware of the power of beauty, so it doesn't make any sense for a woman to give up her power of choice in a society that wishes to take it away from her in the first place.
Looks is something that needs to be balanced as much as possible in a relationship. You and your partner should be on an equal level of attractiveness.
You shouldn't be significantly less attractive and you shouldn't be significantly more attractive either.
A man knows very well when his partner is too pretty for him, and a lot of times he will engage in controlling and abusive behaviours just to make sure that she doesn't exercise her power of choice.
"Take a woman who is an 8, treat like she was a 5 and she will become grateful for being with you even though you are just a 6."
2. Your man must either be almost as smart as you are or slightly smarter.
When you have to make decisions, resolve a conflict or just generally run your day to day activities, it is important that your input is valued and that your opinions weigh as much as his.
In a society where men are expected to make the final decision when both parties cannot reach an agreement, it would be stupid for any woman to allow a man who is not as smart and knowledgeable as she is by a far margin to hold this kind of power.
This is not to say that as a woman you have to concede all the time. This is to say that as a woman, if you wish to concede, you should not have to worry about your man making a stupid decision.
3. Your must be financially autonomous.
There is no rule to how much money you can have more or less than your man, but you must always have enough money to make financial decisions about yourself without any help from him.
If you are richer than your man, you are good to go.
If you are not as rich as your man, do not become too comfortable by relying on his money and forgoing the opportunities to increase yours.
One of the reasons why divorces often become messy and expensive is because the less rich partner has become comfortable living off the richer partner and does not want to give up that life style after a divorce.
Yes, you will lose the comfort anyway. But losing your comfort should not mean a massive downgrade in your living standard.
Have your own money, keep and nurture your own source of income and you will never have to relinquish your financial power.
--------------
These are the three golden rules a woman should observe, but of course we all are free to make our choices and even make dumb ones.
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