SIBLING RIVALRY AND JEALOUSY

I have a Facebook pal who is a survivor of an abusive marriage. She's also arguably one of the most beautiful women on my list. She has written about her experience several times, but the one that particularly caught my attention was the one where she spoke about her elder sister. Her elder sister was fond of advising her to stay in the marriage and endure. Every single time this pal complained to her. Unfortunately I couldn't comment then, as I was in Facebook jail, so I had to verify what I suspected was the reason behind her sister's ill wish via inbox conversation.  

My suspicions turned out to be correct.

This woman, like I said, is objectively beautiful and based on the evidence that she showed me, she is also the most beautiful one among her sisters. We all know how pretty privilege works. As the beauty of the house, this woman enjoyed all the love and attention from parents, family and strangers. And that was something that her sisters did not like. I won't say that her sisters are evil, but I'll dare say that they all hoped that some event would happen to her and diminish her looks. Or at least remove her from the spotlight. Fortunately for them, that event eventually occurred: she went into a marriage that was succeeding at the job. For this reason, the Ada of her family and her other sisters were determined to keep her there. 

Their advice was not coming from a place of love and care. They did not give a damn about her marriage. They just wanted to stop being in the shadow of their beautiful sister. And when she left and found happiness again, it enraged them to the point where they stopped talking to her.

I have witnessed the case where one sister hated her elder sister due to the fact that because she was so unattractive, her average looking sister got all the attention. Today they are seemingly close. But only because the elder sister is a single mother, while she is married.

I have also witnessed the case of one sister who disliked her younger one because she the elder one was gay and in the closet, while her younger sister was straight and enjoying her relationship with her boyfriend. Today they get along because the elder sister has come out of the closet and is also in a relationship.

I used siblings as case study in this post, but actually it can be anybody who hates you and wishes you bad because they want something that you have. It can be your parent, your friend, your neighbour or your colleague. 

Ask yourself: why would anybody at all give you a counterproductive piece of advice? Why would anybody who claims to love you, insist that you remain in a situation where you are not receiving love? 

That is why I say that it is not everybody you mingle with. Fine, you cannot choose the family into which you are born, but you are still allowed to set boundaries. And your being conscious of who you are and what you have is not arrogance. It is self awareness. Denying the obvious to appear humble will not favour you. Instead it will give people the avenue to attack you and destroy you.

Envy cuts across all areas of our lives. The earlier you accept this hurtful truth, the earlier you will learn to spot those people who do not wish you well, even though they fondly say, "I'm only telling you this because I love you".