I already gave a similar advice when I wrote about toxicity and how to deal with toxic people. You can find the posts by doing a quick search on my wall.
On that subject about toxicity, I wrote that you should never confront a toxic person while you are still in his or her comfort zone. Instead you should try and force them to come into yours - something they will rarely do because toxic people rely on the negative energy in their comfort zone to thrive and overpower you.
Similarly, you should never try to confront a person who has offended you and who has also refused to accept that they have, one on one. Chances are they will believe that your retorts are nothing but the result of your being unable to deal with the "truth". You know how people will say something stupid and nasty and then conclude it with "the truth is bitter".
Desist from arguing with them privately. It is a waste of time and energy. Instead allow other people to tell them what you wish they'd understand.
Take the matter to a neutral zone.
Back in the day my mother would always say horrible things about this friend of mine. I won't repeat any of the things she said because they were simply terrible. This was a girl that was even younger than me. How an adult of my mother's age could sit down and spew that much bile about another person's child was beyond me.
Anytime she started her negative rants about my friend, we would end up having a serious argument and even quarrel. My fierce defence towards my friend proved pointless though. Once my mother was convinced of something, there was nothing anybody could say to convince her of the contrary. She was allergic to reason and logic. All traits that matched with her narcissistic personality.
So I did what I thought back then was the only thing to do.
I went to my friend and informed her of the situation. My hope was that she would confront my mother and tell her the same things that I had been trying to tell her for months.
I know for a fact that if my friend had confronted my mother, my mother would never have opened her mouth to slander her or any other person again in her life. The embarrassment from having a girl that young tell her off would have served as a life time reminder of her vileness.
I spent fifteen years having heated arguments with my mother. Arguments that would have ended a long time before that if somebody, just anybody had had the courage to tell her that she was quite a detestable person. But nobody did.
I have been accused of always making matters public.
"Mavis, you are dramatic and you love attention."
Perhaps, I do, but I have also seen the good in exposing people to public judgment.
These days I don't even bother replying people who offend me like I would have in the past. I can't waste my energy confronting anybody. Besides, whatever I say will be brushed off as the rants of an angry and bitter woman. So, I simply opt for the easiest and most effective way to resolve: let other people judge.
I have a sensible audience on my social media platform. If I'm wrong, they will tell me that I'm wrong - this has happened a few times - and if I'm right, they will also tell me that I'm right.
Yes, this is a form of privilege. I won't deny it. But there are ways and ways to make use of your privilege.
Don't use it to oppress others and don't ignore it by remaining passive in the face of injustice.
Learning how to live a stress free life is paramount to your happiness. You have a huge platform, use it.
If you don't have a sensible audience or you are worried about your privacy, use the many inboxes available to you. There are also groups you can join. Just stop forcing a blind person to see.
If person carry your matter go meet their village people, you sef carry their matter come meet your own village people.
PS: Public exposure is a drastic and extreme move that can permanently jeopardise your existing relationship with that person or people, even if you choose to post your issue personally or through the help of another person. So always think it through before implementing it. Because there is no going back.
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