DO NIGERIANS TRULY BELIEVE THAT THEY ARE SINGLE UNTIL THEY ARE MARRIED?

From time to time, we hear the story of a woman who has just returned with a shattered heart after spending what was prospected to be a lovely weekend with her boyfriend of many years. They had no fights, confrontations or even the minimum sign of drama. Except that the next day, after the man had left the house to run some errands, she found out through a friend of his, his social media account or by going through his stuff that he had travelled to his village to get married to a woman that is clearly not she. And then came the tears. She contemplated swearing naked and a public call out. The shame was so unbearable that the most she could could do was to sneak into some blogger's inbox and seek counsel from their audience on how to survive these difficult times. 

However, on days before this devastating event, when all was still rosy and there were no signs of clouds and rain, this same woman would chant "You are single until you are married". I don't know if she truly believed so, or if she was just reciting some societal riddle that she had heard from older family members and neighbours. Because if indeed, that was her conviction, she wouldn't care if her boyfriend of five years, left her in the house to go and tie the knot with another woman. He was SINGLE.

Why do Nigerian women like to set the bar so low?

Is it because she herself wants to be able to meet a man today and marry him tomorrow despite having been in a relationship with another man for half a decade? If that is so, why shouldn't what is good for the goose, be good for the gander? I suppose this sort of cruelty is only sweet when you are at the offering end. 

People who keep low standards often do so because doing and demanding the barest minimum absolve them of personal accountability. It's only when the tables are turned that they understand that perhaps, they should have been more demanding of themselves, so that they could feel entitled to demand from someone else. 

This is what it is: hypocrisy, self centeredness and pure narcissism. "The rules don't apply to me for I made them". You want to be able to disregard people's feelings, while they hold yours dear to their heart.

Whatever her reason is, I know for a fact that once you set the bar low, you cannot blame anybody for skipping it with ease.

On this matter, my personal stance remains the same: if you and I are in a committed relationship, whether or not we have spoken about the possibility of getting married, you owe me accountability. You are not single. You cannot sleep with other women and you cannot leave me in your goddamn house to go and marry some unknown (to me) woman. If you want to do all of that, then break up with me first. If you don't and you decide to go "Nigerian" on me, you will do so at your risk. My name is Mavis and I don't wait for any god to fight my battles. 

And as for Nigerian women, pick a struggle. It's either your relationship matters to you or it doesn't. Because, based on your current belief, your "single" boyfriend did absolutely nothing wrong by poking you for five years, only for him to go and get his village approval to poke another woman for the rest of his life (hopefully).