written by me and Cunt.
Have you ever had the misfortune of stumbling on one of those silly “What do I do” posts by a side chic who has been bewitched by an “abused” husband whose wife is said to be related to Samadora cum Karachika cum Sakobi The Snake Girl cum Nneka The Pretty Serpent?
Well I have.
And have you also come across a comment by a tired commenter, who is so sick and tired of these shitty posts that they decide to drop all available sensibility at their disposal to write: “See you. While you are there believing the lies of that man, his wife is merrily pregnant of their third child”?
I have too.
At that point I pause. I scratch my head. I scratch my pubes and while I'm at it, I give Cunt a pat.
(“GIVE ME A COOKIE INSTEAD, YOU FUCKING BITCH”.
You are never going to get anything with that attitude, Cunt.)
So as I try to understand the logic behind said comment-
(“YOU WILL DIE DRY, BITCH”.)
-said comment, I realise that the logic is absolutely devoid of any logic.
(“I AM VOID, YOU STINGY BITCH. WHAT ARE YOU NOW A FUCKING LESBIAN, OBSESSING OVER BOOBS? NKECHI'S BOOBS, TEMI'S BOOBS, EBY'S BOOBS. HOW ABOUT YOU GET A DICK WITH TWO BALLS INSTEAD?”
All right, you motherfucking blood bag of a rumbling hole. I am trying to write a fucking post here. I am trying to debunk a silly myth. I am trying to contribute to a cause – to help women and the men who care to understand that there is everything fucking wrong with that comment, but I can't do that if you keep screaming like an obsessed sex starved nymphomaniac cunt. And if you keep on with this assholish attitude, I am going to get pregnant. Oh yes, I will but using a fucking turkey baster so you never get to see a dick or even its tip in the next 'till I die' years. And when I want to give birth, I am going to say NO to C-section and NO to epidural. You are going to hurt. You are going to expand like the ozone. You will tear. You will bleed. You might even become one with my butthole and I will say NO to stitches too. You are going to leak and you are going to stink for the rest of your life. Is that what you want you fucking pussy?
“Meow”.
Good. Now let me get back to the topic.)
As I was saying, there is no logic in said comment because that commenter is taking it for granted that pregnancy is the ultimate proof that a marriage is rocking and solid. Wait. Is it not on this same Facebook we read of women who are in abusive marriages for years and still manage to bear 5-6 kids? Yeah. So how pregnancy take prove say wifey is happy and hubby is loving?
Have you ever thought that:
1. A pregnant woman's priority is not her husband?
When a woman gets pregnant, her priority changes drastically. Now she's pregnant, she can look scruffy so even herself is not a priority. This woman could wear crop tops, tell strangers “Just because it's called baby bump doesn't mean you have to bump into me, bitch” and make “Move, bitch get out the way, get out the way bitch, get out the way” the soundtrack of her life in her last trimester, instead she becomes a total bore.
Even the husband will experience an emotional shock. With a baby on the way, especially the first child, he will no longer be known as “baby” but simply and unromantically as “papa Junior”. Papa Junior. Why, woman?
Also a pregnant woman doesn't want to put her baby at risk, not in a country where three fucking wedding ceremonies and a fucking wedding certificate are not enough to prove that you are married unless you have a fucking child, preferably a male child. So she will protect that pregnancy with all her life.
“Abeg o. I nor fit come dey fight any woman with this belle o”.
And there it is. The reason why she's pregnant. She won't have time to monitor and fight side whores. She's a house potato and not even the sweet one.
2. She's trying to mark her territory?
Don't be surprised if a woman intentionally gets pregnant multiple times to seal the deal multiple times. Because let's be honest, kids are not just the glue that every Nigerian marriage needs, they are also conflict resolution tools and proof of bliss. You know what they say - a happy home is filled with children's laughter – so the more we can make babies, the happier this home will appear to be.
So it's not just the men acting smart to keep their wives out of their way, women are also doing their bid to keep the side whores out of the home. These women are actually competing with the women outside.
“You get heads, I get the babies”. It might sounds like a fair deal to these desperate housewives, but I'm never going to sign up for that.
(“THAT'S THE ONLY REASON WHY I LIKE YOU, BITCH”.
Thanks Cunt.)
3. One needn't bang continuously to get pregnant?
If point 1 and point 2 are correct, I wouldn't be surprised if these couples met exactly when the woman has better chances of getting pregnant, to get her pregnant because let's be honest, that'd make fucking sense.
4. Pregnancy is not a walk at the park?
If we could compare a woman's beauty to a character's life points in a video game, we could say that a woman loses at least 2 points every time she gets pregnant, not to mention that she could actually die, for real.
I have never been pregnant and I do not wish to be pregnant, ever, but if anybody tells me that women enjoy being pregnant, I will punch them in their crotch.
(“YOU COULD ALSO HAVE A FEEL OF THEIR DICK, BITCH”.
Now, you are really being a cunt, Cunt.)
So the theory that states that as long as wifey is pregnant, then it's all rosy and merry, is not just wrong but also stupid.
In Nigeria, a woman's confidence is sometimes indirectly proportional to the number of children she has. Not all women have the power to decide over their bodies. It's always what hubby wants and/or what hubby's family wants. So a woman with more than three kids probably didn't choose to have that many.
I don't even see this type of women as married women either. I rather see them as crayfish wey condition, in this case marriage, bend.
So if you know a cheat whose wife is always pregnant, ask yourself the following question: “What if she also has an STD?”.
(“I WISH YOU'D GET AN STD BECAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN YOU FUCKED, BITCH”.
Seriously Cunt, shut the fuck up!)
And that's a wrap.
Have you ever had the misfortune of stumbling on one of those silly “What do I do” posts by a side chic who has been bewitched by an “abused” husband whose wife is said to be related to Samadora cum Karachika cum Sakobi The Snake Girl cum Nneka The Pretty Serpent?
Well I have.
And have you also come across a comment by a tired commenter, who is so sick and tired of these shitty posts that they decide to drop all available sensibility at their disposal to write: “See you. While you are there believing the lies of that man, his wife is merrily pregnant of their third child”?
I have too.
At that point I pause. I scratch my head. I scratch my pubes and while I'm at it, I give Cunt a pat.
(“GIVE ME A COOKIE INSTEAD, YOU FUCKING BITCH”.
You are never going to get anything with that attitude, Cunt.)
So as I try to understand the logic behind said comment-
(“YOU WILL DIE DRY, BITCH”.)
-said comment, I realise that the logic is absolutely devoid of any logic.
(“I AM VOID, YOU STINGY BITCH. WHAT ARE YOU NOW A FUCKING LESBIAN, OBSESSING OVER BOOBS? NKECHI'S BOOBS, TEMI'S BOOBS, EBY'S BOOBS. HOW ABOUT YOU GET A DICK WITH TWO BALLS INSTEAD?”
All right, you motherfucking blood bag of a rumbling hole. I am trying to write a fucking post here. I am trying to debunk a silly myth. I am trying to contribute to a cause – to help women and the men who care to understand that there is everything fucking wrong with that comment, but I can't do that if you keep screaming like an obsessed sex starved nymphomaniac cunt. And if you keep on with this assholish attitude, I am going to get pregnant. Oh yes, I will but using a fucking turkey baster so you never get to see a dick or even its tip in the next 'till I die' years. And when I want to give birth, I am going to say NO to C-section and NO to epidural. You are going to hurt. You are going to expand like the ozone. You will tear. You will bleed. You might even become one with my butthole and I will say NO to stitches too. You are going to leak and you are going to stink for the rest of your life. Is that what you want you fucking pussy?
“Meow”.
Good. Now let me get back to the topic.)
As I was saying, there is no logic in said comment because that commenter is taking it for granted that pregnancy is the ultimate proof that a marriage is rocking and solid. Wait. Is it not on this same Facebook we read of women who are in abusive marriages for years and still manage to bear 5-6 kids? Yeah. So how pregnancy take prove say wifey is happy and hubby is loving?
Have you ever thought that:
1. A pregnant woman's priority is not her husband?
When a woman gets pregnant, her priority changes drastically. Now she's pregnant, she can look scruffy so even herself is not a priority. This woman could wear crop tops, tell strangers “Just because it's called baby bump doesn't mean you have to bump into me, bitch” and make “Move, bitch get out the way, get out the way bitch, get out the way” the soundtrack of her life in her last trimester, instead she becomes a total bore.
Even the husband will experience an emotional shock. With a baby on the way, especially the first child, he will no longer be known as “baby” but simply and unromantically as “papa Junior”. Papa Junior. Why, woman?
Also a pregnant woman doesn't want to put her baby at risk, not in a country where three fucking wedding ceremonies and a fucking wedding certificate are not enough to prove that you are married unless you have a fucking child, preferably a male child. So she will protect that pregnancy with all her life.
“Abeg o. I nor fit come dey fight any woman with this belle o”.
And there it is. The reason why she's pregnant. She won't have time to monitor and fight side whores. She's a house potato and not even the sweet one.
2. She's trying to mark her territory?
Don't be surprised if a woman intentionally gets pregnant multiple times to seal the deal multiple times. Because let's be honest, kids are not just the glue that every Nigerian marriage needs, they are also conflict resolution tools and proof of bliss. You know what they say - a happy home is filled with children's laughter – so the more we can make babies, the happier this home will appear to be.
So it's not just the men acting smart to keep their wives out of their way, women are also doing their bid to keep the side whores out of the home. These women are actually competing with the women outside.
“You get heads, I get the babies”. It might sounds like a fair deal to these desperate housewives, but I'm never going to sign up for that.
(“THAT'S THE ONLY REASON WHY I LIKE YOU, BITCH”.
Thanks Cunt.)
3. One needn't bang continuously to get pregnant?
If point 1 and point 2 are correct, I wouldn't be surprised if these couples met exactly when the woman has better chances of getting pregnant, to get her pregnant because let's be honest, that'd make fucking sense.
4. Pregnancy is not a walk at the park?
If we could compare a woman's beauty to a character's life points in a video game, we could say that a woman loses at least 2 points every time she gets pregnant, not to mention that she could actually die, for real.
I have never been pregnant and I do not wish to be pregnant, ever, but if anybody tells me that women enjoy being pregnant, I will punch them in their crotch.
(“YOU COULD ALSO HAVE A FEEL OF THEIR DICK, BITCH”.
Now, you are really being a cunt, Cunt.)
So the theory that states that as long as wifey is pregnant, then it's all rosy and merry, is not just wrong but also stupid.
In Nigeria, a woman's confidence is sometimes indirectly proportional to the number of children she has. Not all women have the power to decide over their bodies. It's always what hubby wants and/or what hubby's family wants. So a woman with more than three kids probably didn't choose to have that many.
I don't even see this type of women as married women either. I rather see them as crayfish wey condition, in this case marriage, bend.
So if you know a cheat whose wife is always pregnant, ask yourself the following question: “What if she also has an STD?”.
(“I WISH YOU'D GET AN STD BECAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN YOU FUCKED, BITCH”.
Seriously Cunt, shut the fuck up!)
And that's a wrap.
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