Monday, 5 August 2019

FEMINISM IS AN IDEOLOGY, NOT A BEHAVIOURAL MANUAL

Feminism can't teach you how to be a better person. It can only teach you how to maximise your potentials as a person.

When we discussed the hashtag wifenotcook, many people failed to understand the important meaning behind that trend. Then I wrote about the importance of maintaining certain social etiquette and again some people failed to understand again.

Today it's the turn of a woman who described marriage as a hassle and I see some feminists twitching their noses because the woman in question called herself a feminist.

Let's make something clear. As a feminists you learn that your gender was accidental but that your humanity was determined right from the moment of your conception.

However, as a human being, you will still get to wear many tags in your life before that ultimate one which will signify your departure from this world.

The very first tag you will wear is be that of a child. Unfortunately I never had the opportunity to be a good child to my parents and that's because they weren't good parents to me either. Some people still manage to be good children and good parents despite the lack of reciprocity and that per se is not necessarily a bad thing. But I couldn't in the face of continual rejection manage to pull through, so I ended up failing.

Your second tag will be that of a sibling. Many of us will never have the chance to wear that tag because of various circumstances so when we move to the next tag, which is friend, we'll learn what it means to be special to someone who is not obligated to treat us as such. Friendships are crucial to the over all development of a human being. Studies have revealed that friends actually contribute to shaping us more than our parents do. But being a friend is not easy. I have failed as a friend and others have failed me too. A constant effort to do right by your friend while you consider yourself and your family is required. Perhaps friendship is the most difficult relationship to cultivate because, since neither of you is entitled to those acts of kindness, it is very easy to drift apart with time and to cut people loose when they start to become a burden.

Those of us who desire so and who will have the luck of falling in love and to be reciprocated will be someone's lover. To be someone's lover trust me is not as hard as people think but the lack of understanding of your own self is what leads many relationships to fail. When you allow your humanity to be defined by your gender and subscribe to roles that do not pertain to you, you are bound to fail. You can as well be in a relationship and still be failing.

I failed as a girlfriend several times. I dated guys who weren't right for me and as such I failed to be the girlfriend that they deserved. Men failed me too because they knew I wasn't the right woman for them, yet they agreed to have a relationship with me. Relationships fail for many reasons but one of them must not be your lack of effort.

I'm a confident woman. I don't feel like a househelp when I cook for my man. I don't feel desperate when I take extra care of myself for him. I'd be lying if I said I have never done some things to please my man.

I do them because I care. I do because I want us to work.

As an employee, I also put in 100%. I'm not there to garner pity using my sex. I'm not there to exploit my feminine virtues. I'm there to work and to show them I can do the job I'm being paid to do.

I'll never be a parent but if I were to be one, I'd work to be the best parent to my child because I wouldn't want my child to have to go through the process of learning how to be a friend, a lover, a citizen, an employee, etc all by themselves, like I did. The love of a parent is the first love a human being will ever experience and for that it must never be underestimated.

Whatever tag you wear in this life, there are efforts to be made. As long as your dignity is not being trampled on and your self love is strong kampe, babe/guy, carry on.

Life is a hassle because every single bond you form during its course is a hassle itself. Bonds are the hours that stress the passing of time which otherwise would be an eternal strain.

I am a feminist and because I am a feminist, I am not afraid to be a passionate lover.

Them go say I dey craze, but if craze nor be the best thing about being human, then I can as well become a pig. I heard that their orgasms last whooping thirty minutes.

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