I have always been of the opinion that marriage is something you can create to fit around your individuality, but what I didn't realise was that I was speaking from a position of privilege.
I'm not just a strong willed person with a clear sense of identity, I also live in an environment that makes effort to understand me and listen to me. Most Nigerian women are not like me and their environment is nothing like mine.
Even women who identify with feminisn will get married and succumb to patriarchy in one way or the other. Some will succumb entirely, while some will succumb partially. It's a reality that we have to accept. These women are not hypocrites. They are women who have to compromise on their beliefs to get what they want.
So I perfectly understand these married women who talk from both sides of their mouths. The ones who get angry at a sexist commercial but also attack Chimamanda Adichie.
The ones who join awon feminist advisers to tell feminists to focus on important issues and leave marriage alone. And when they can't live with the contradictions anymore, they drop the tag. It's easier to act confused when you don't wear a label that demands responsibility.
"Stop talking about marriage. Stop talking about micro-discrimination. Focus on the macro. Talk about the outside and leave the home front alone."
Inside the house, she is just another Nigerian woman married to a Nigerian man.
Temi Dayo was right. Marriage is patriarchal and in Nigeria, it's not negotiable.
So I will no longer get mad when I see these women. They don't deserve to be called hypocrites or patriarchal cock suckers.
They must suck those cocks to survive.
They are married after all.
Read more from Temi Dayo: https://www.facebook.com/temi.ahanmisi
I'm not just a strong willed person with a clear sense of identity, I also live in an environment that makes effort to understand me and listen to me. Most Nigerian women are not like me and their environment is nothing like mine.
Even women who identify with feminisn will get married and succumb to patriarchy in one way or the other. Some will succumb entirely, while some will succumb partially. It's a reality that we have to accept. These women are not hypocrites. They are women who have to compromise on their beliefs to get what they want.
So I perfectly understand these married women who talk from both sides of their mouths. The ones who get angry at a sexist commercial but also attack Chimamanda Adichie.
The ones who join awon feminist advisers to tell feminists to focus on important issues and leave marriage alone. And when they can't live with the contradictions anymore, they drop the tag. It's easier to act confused when you don't wear a label that demands responsibility.
"Stop talking about marriage. Stop talking about micro-discrimination. Focus on the macro. Talk about the outside and leave the home front alone."
Inside the house, she is just another Nigerian woman married to a Nigerian man.
Temi Dayo was right. Marriage is patriarchal and in Nigeria, it's not negotiable.
So I will no longer get mad when I see these women. They don't deserve to be called hypocrites or patriarchal cock suckers.
They must suck those cocks to survive.
They are married after all.
Read more from Temi Dayo: https://www.facebook.com/temi.ahanmisi
No comments:
Post a Comment