SPERM

"Gosh, I'm tired of these goddamn pimples."

- Rub, scrub and wash with sperm.

"Why won't these edges stay down?"

- Stick it down with sperm.

"Is that a wrinkle on my forehead?"

- Lift your skin with sperm.

"I can't sleep."

- Have a warm cup of sperm.

"I'm getting hypertension from this world cup."

- Swallow your popcorn with sperm.

"My mood is low."

- Raise it with sperm.

"My heart is on fire."

- Quench it with sperm.

SPERM. BECAUSE IT'S MORE THAN JUST A DICK'S TEARS.

*This ad is being offered by the Association Of Desperate Horsebands who can't get their wives to suck their dicks. Also lesbians, feminists and asexual assholes are planning to make sperm obsolete for baby making.*

*Sperm is meant for oral consumption only. Introducing sperm into your vaginal cavity can lead to pregnancy and a life time of responsibilities.*

*You are allowed to drink sperm in any quantity you want. You will become healthier, while our balls will become lighter, reducing our risk of prostate cancer.*

*Be sure that whoever is taking sperm has reached the legal age of consent.*

*Sperm can smell and taste funky.*

*Sperm must be consumed on the same day it is expelled. Drink stale sperm at your own risk.*