I asked this question without malice or resentment. I was sincerely curious. She and I are quite close, and we discuss our lives, including our financial struggles, so it just seemed odd to me that she would choose me to be her support when she could easily go to someone else who has it better than both of us.
She answered: “I just feel more comfortable asking you.” And I understood.
I remember the story my mother told me. I have written several times about how my mother grew up in abject poverty. By the time her father, who had two wives, had died, her mother had already given birth to six children, of which she was the first. They had nothing and every day they literally struggled to feed. However, although they had relatively nothing and lived in penury, my mother’s friends whom I believe had it better than her, preferred to come to her house to eat and dine together. Just like my friend, they felt more comfortable in her little shackle than in their well-built houses.
I also have friends I feel more comfortable asking for help and surprisingly they are not close to being the richest among my friends. They just make it easy for me to go to them in times of need. It’s not necessarily because they have a lot to give away. Instead, it is because of the sense of security they convey and their lack of prejudice. And this comfort extends to other areas of life.
There are people we just feel like we can open up to without the fear of being judged. We are confident that they will keep our secrets safe and offer us the comfort that we seek. And it’s beautiful that I am one of those persons to my friends.
We all need people that make us feel safe in our lives: people who don’t shame us in our moments of sorrow and who can listen to our problems even when they do not have any solutions to offer.
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