the day we have both
been waiting for has arrived.
As I look
at myself in the mirror in the regal white dress, I smile, wondering: “How did
we get here”?
Boy meets
girl, boy likes girl, boy dates girl and so on and so forth. Simply written,
but hardly happens.
The first
time I saw you, forgive me, I didn’t even look at you. I saw this stranger
walking back and forth and thought: “Who is that”? Never mind! Not that I
cared. My mind, soul and body were so far away then, secluded I’d say. I had
long lost the hope that love would smile back at me again. Too early? Yeah, I
was just entering my twenties and already I was so cynical.
(I laugh)
It is said time has no beginning, no end and never stops its flow, but I have
come to realize it does, in our minds. If you can’t hold time, you can’t see
it, you can only feel it: what happens when your feelings get stuck? Whatever
they perceive gets stuck with them, time included.
I was stuck
in time. I couldn’t move on, I couldn’t even see you. All I saw was myself, my
pain, my mistakes and my wish to redeem myself. Yet you saw me. Mesmerized by
your smile, I tried to loosen up, just a bit though. I didn’t want to have
other regrets. As sweet and kind as you were, you still came for and with love
and I had vowed never to allow it into my life again.
Sweetheart
those were sad days. In my blues I was short sighted and pathetically wallowed
in my woes rejecting the gentle hand of a stranger who wanted to save me. What
happened then? I don’t know.
Time
stopped in my mind, but outside it was running fast and effortless. We struggle
so hard to keep up, but it hardly hears our laments when short of breath we
plead it to stop, stretching forth our hand in vain. I didn’t run with it,
talkless of struggling. I was left behind. But today, today I am glad I was
able to pick race again. It was tough. I was many miles back, I caught up. My
secluded regions were freed of their chains and it was all thanks to you.
Once a
stranger, then a danger, a risk I wasn’t looking for; now you are an
extraordinary wonder of my life. I did feel angered at first. I used to say:
“What does this guy want from me? Is he playing games. Then let’s play!” (silly
laughter) I LOST. But I do accept my painful punishment: a beautiful wedding
gown, a solemn ceremony and YOU.
Dear love,
on this day, I do not come to make new promises. I needn’t a pastor to tell me
to love you, honour you and respect you unconditionally till I run out of
breath. I know that already and I have been doing it for long. This is not the
beginning of our journey. We have long chosen our path, this is just a step
after many we have made and others we’ll make.
I’ll love
you in the morning, because you’ll welcome me to the new day with your tender
smile. I’ll love you in the afternoon, because the sun will radiate your face
and highlight your sincere expressions. I’ll love you in the evening, because,
as the sun sets, it passes through your heart and reflect the pureness of your
soul. I’ll love you at night, because all this will be worth living all over
again.
So as I make
my way to the altar, I gather my breath, suspend my thoughts and force a smile
despite my anxiety, I already know why I am here. In my heart, before through
my tongue, with all my strength, I say “I DO”.
Forever
yours,
ME!
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